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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24176413">Faded Memories</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/miyaicheese/pseuds/miyaicheese'>miyaicheese</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SB19 (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Erased Existence, Fluff and Angst, M/M, different SB19, diva Felip Jhon, playboy Sejun, tsundere Josh Cullen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:48:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>43,141</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24176413</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/miyaicheese/pseuds/miyaicheese</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sejun is on the verge of death, Stell makes a deal with a magical being to save his life. But in exchange, every single memory of Stell will be wiped out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Junell, Stelljun - Relationship, Stellvester "Stell" Ajero/John Paulo Nase | Sejun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Faded Memories Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Disclaimer: This work is a work of fiction. Not in any way associated with SB19, ShowBT and characters mentioned.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stell rapidly ran through the halls of the hospital until he came upon one with a familiar name outside the door. Quietly, he slid the door open, but quickly slid it closed again. Whoever that was in there, wrapped up in bandages and connected to machines could not be the same man who possessed the name that was outside the door.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly this time, Stell took a deep breath and entered the room again. His eyes automatically searched the body for anything familiar. The face was covered heavily in white gauze, IVs covered his arms, and the hospital’s blankets went up to his waist. But on his hand that dangled off of the bed, Stell saw the glint of a ring.</p><p> </p><p>Stell then looked down at the chain around his neck and saw a replica of the ring that was on the man in the bed. This meant only one thing, it meant that it was Sejun in that bed, barely breathing.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you a friend of Mr. Nase?” a voice scared Stell back into the present time.</p><p> </p><p>He turned around to come face to face with a doctor who was staring at the chart in her hands. Stell just nodded, “I’m his boyfriend. What happened to him?”</p><p> </p><p>“He was involved in a large car accident.” The doctor informed him.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong with him?”</p><p> </p><p>The doctor shifted her gaze around the room to anything and everything except Stell before replying, “He lost a lot of blood, broke many bones, damaged a large percentage of his internal organs including his heart, and is in a coma. I’m sorry to tell you this, but unless there’s a miracle, he won’t be living for more then a week.”</p><p> </p><p>Before Stell could say anything to that, the doctor made an excuse and left the room. Tears rushed from his eyes as he collapsed onto the floor in a sobbing heap. Why did this have to happen? And what exactly did happen? All Stell knew was that he had just arrived at the apartment that all members of SB19 shared. He went home after a solo guesting event and Sejun wasn’t there. A little bit confused, Stell checked his phone for any calls or chat from the older man, but found none.</p><p> </p><p>As a last resort, Stell had checked the apartment phone, only to hear a message from the hospital telling him that Sejun was badly injured. After that, he had rushed out of the apartment and went straight to the hospital, no qualms about his get up and still in his house slippers.</p><p> </p><p>Not wanting to be alone, Stell called people to let them know that Sejun was injured. He started with Sejun's family. Then he called JP since the two were best friends, and then proceeded to call the rest of SB19, starting with Josh first since Sejun, Stell, Josh and JP were best friends, too.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t until half an hour later that both JP and Josh rushed into the hospital room and then froze in their tracks. Their friend lay lifelessly pale and unmoving under all the bandages and IVs. JP rushed to Sejun’s side while Josh quietly walked over to Stell.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened?” Josh is controlling his panic and demanded an answer.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know,” Stell admitted as he wiped at his red eyes, attempting to clear away all signs of the tears that had haunted him ever since he got to the hospital. “I got home and the hospital had left a message on our apartment lobby that Sejun was in an accident. That’s all I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Calm down,” Josh softened and wrapped comforting arms around the younger man, “I wasn’t accusing you of anything. Just calm down.”</p><p> </p><p>Stell kept crying though, because no matter how hard he tried to stop it, the tears would break through. How could they not? The doctor said Sejun wasn’t going to make it a week. And a part of Stell knew that no matter if he died the next day or in a week, he wouldn’t wake up before it. Now, there was no way for Stell to tell Sejun he loved him, and no way for Stell to give him a final kiss since the man’s lips were bruised and bloodied under bloodstained gauze.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, what did the doctor say?” JP nudged Stell from behind. “Did he break any bones? Will he need any surgery? Does he need blood? Because my blood type is O which means I can donate to anyone. Josh’s O too and-“</p><p> </p><p>Stell shook his head, “It’d be worthless.”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh?!” Josh looked at Stell, eyes confused yet full of concern.</p><p> </p><p>“The doctor said he’s gonna,” Stell couldn’t finish the sentence. So he took a deep breath, “He’s gonna die.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?! No!” Josh pushed Stell away, “He can’t. You’re lying!”</p><p> </p><p>When Stell’s cries grew louder, JP stepped between the two and even through the tears in his own eyes, glared at Josh. “Don’t get mad at him, it’s not like he wants John Paulo to die.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sejun’s gonna die?” A shocked voice said from the doorway.</p><p> </p><p>The three conscious people in the room turned to see Justin and Ken in the doorway. Justin already had tears rolling down his face while Ken looked like he's about to start crying.</p><p> </p><p>Stell looked at all the broken faces around him, and couldn’t help but feel that it was his fault. Even though he was only the messenger, he felt like it was his fault that everyone around him was sad. So quickly, he pushed Ken aside to slide out of the room and he sprinted for the roof.</p><p> </p><p>This had to be some kind of nightmare that he couldn’t wake up from. But, they say you can’t feel pain in dreams yet Stell felt an unbearable pain throughout his body. He couldn’t lose Sejun, there was so much the two of them hadn’t done yet.</p><p> </p><p>“Stell?” apparently someone had followed him up to the roof.</p><p> </p><p>He turned around silently and saw Justin standing in the doorway. Stell shook his head, he didn’t want to go back there.</p><p> </p><p>“No one blames you,” Justin pointed out as he walked over to Stell and put an arm around the older man’s shoulders. “Besides, everyone is worried that you might do something drastic. Come on downstairs with me, no one should be alone when they’re hurting.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want him to die, Jah,” Stell couldn’t believe that he was crying again.</p><p> </p><p>“Nobody does.” Justin sighed, “But do you want to spend his last days up here alone or with him?”</p><p> </p><p>Stell didn’t answer, but instead he stood up, “Let’s go back downstairs.”</p><p>----------------------</p><p>It had been two days since the accident, and the only change in Sejun was that his condition had worsened. People, including Sejun’s family, Miss Hong Ganda, people they worked with in ShowBT, and his friends, came by the boatloads to see him one last time before he died. However, the entire time that he laid in that bed, Stell stood guard on the bench under the windowsill, watching over him as if he could stop death when it was time.</p><p> </p><p>Some people only gave Stell a slight nod while others asked him if he was okay and if they could get him something. And he was sick of it. He wanted to leave, he couldn’t stand the sight of people looking at Sejun like he was already dead. But he couldn’t do that to his boyfriend. He wanted to spend as much time with the dying man as possible before the angel of death came to take him away.</p><p> </p><p>“You need to go home,” Josh managed to sneak in even though it was after visiting hours. The staff of the hospital learned on the first night that there was no way to kick Stell out, he had such a hopeless face that they thought it would be better to just leave him with his boyfriend.</p><p> </p><p>Stell shook his head to Josh’s demand. “I can’t go home. Home is in that man’s arms.”</p><p> </p><p>Josh managed a smile for the first time since he found out Sejun was in the hospital. “You know,” he squeezed into the free spot next to Stell on sofa. “Sejun used to brag to me and JP that he had the best boyfriend.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah?” Stell asked with a small smile on his own face.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Josh let out a small chuckle at the memory, “He’d come up with a list of weird reasons like how light your head was when it was on his chest or how warm your hands are. But every time, he’d always finish with the fact that when you were with him, he was never afraid. He said whenever he saw you, he knew everything would turn out right in the end.”</p><p> </p><p>Stell let yet another tear trace down his face, “But everything isn’t alright.”</p><p> </p><p>“For now,” Josh pointed out, “But this isn’t the end, we just have to have hope for the future.”</p><p> </p><p>Not trusting himself to speak, Stell just nodded and then watched as Josh left. He let out a heavy sigh, this was far too much. With a heavy heart, Stell laid himself out on the sofa and drifted off into an uneasy sleep.</p><p> </p><p>The next thing he knew, he was being shaken awake by Sejun’s doctor. “Mr. Ajero, may I have a moment with you, alone?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” Stell nodded as he stood up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. If this lady was going to ask him to go home, he knew he’d probably hit her.</p><p> </p><p>Once they were in the safety of her office, she let out a sigh, “Well, it appears as if Mr. Nase’s condition is getting worse. On the machines in there, he can probably make it a few more days, but without those machines, I don’t think he’d even make it an hour.”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you trying to say?” Stell interrupted. He was never good at being patient when he was sleep deprived.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m saying that it would be advisable to pull the plug.” The doctor replied. “I know that he’s an idol and everything-“</p><p> </p><p>“What does him being an idol have to do with anything?” Stell asked angrily. “He’s a human being, isn’t it your job to save him from dying?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, yes, but-“</p><p> </p><p>Stell walked over to the door and turned around to look at her one last time, “I’m not going to kill him, there’s no way I’m letting you pull any plugs.” And then, he left the room.</p><p> </p><p>He ran as fast as he could to the safety of the rooftop. As the doctor’s words kept ringing in his head, he covered his ears to try and block everything out. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t pull the plug. That was as bad as running him over with a truck full of bricks.</p><p> </p><p>Besides, Stell would never be able to live with himself if he had pulled the plug. He’d always be wondering if he waited a few days, or even a few minutes, would Sejun miraculously pull through?</p><p> </p><p>As Stell crouched down low, he heard footsteps approaching him. He looked up expecting Ken or Justin, but was frozen in shock when it appeared to be an angel blanketed in shadows. However, it was a sunny day with nothing tall enough or positioned in the right place to cast a shadow, leading Stell to believe that it was creating the shadow.</p><p> </p><p>“Who are you?” Stell asked in fear.</p><p> </p><p>“An answer,” the figure replied with a deep, smooth voice.</p><p> </p><p>Stell slowly stood up, “To what question?”</p><p> </p><p>“How to save the love of your life.” And even though the figure was shadowed, Stell could have sworn he saw it smirk, “But it will cost you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t care,” Stell fell to his knees and put his hands together, “Please, I don’t care what you are or how you do it, please save Sejun!”</p><p> </p><p>“I feel it only wise to tell you what the conditions are,” the figure let out a small chuckle, “In exchange for his life, you must give up your existence.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Stell was confused, “You mean I die instead?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, silly child,” The figure shook his head, “Your existence, the memories people have of you will all disappear, no one, not even your mother, will remember your name.”</p><p> </p><p>Stell without hesitation quickly nodded, “I’ll do it, please save Sejun.”</p><p> </p><p>And then, the shadow around the figure seemed to grow bigger as everything went black and silent. The only sound was the voice of the figure saying, “Even though you may remember everything, no one will even know you existed.”</p><p> </p><p>And then, it went completely black.</p><p>---------------------</p><p>When Stell woke up, he had a great big head ache and was freezing, but that was expected when one slept on the roof. But he just shrugged it off and massaged the aching muscles in his neck. Something about the day felt different, but he couldn’t tell what.</p><p> </p><p>It was only when he got up to go back downstairs that he remembered the angel thing from before. Had that all been a dream? Stell sighed, of course it was a dream. No evilly shrouded, devine figure would come down just to save Sejun’s life. God wasn’t as sympathetic and magically generous as that.</p><p> </p><p>But a small part of Stell wondered if it wasn’t a dream. What if he had really found a way to save Sejun's life? Would nobody remember him anymore? Was that even possible? Well, as long as Sejun was alive and in good health, he didn’t care if anyone remembered him.</p><p> </p><p>Not sure what he was hoping for, Stell made his way back to Sejun's room, he’d figure everything out once he was sure that his lover was still alive. If his lover was even still alive.</p><p> </p><p>Knocking those morbid thoughts aside, Stell walked slowly to Sejun’s room, seeing his name outside, and so he figured nothing changed. However, due to the silence on his side of the door, he could hear what was happening inside. Or rather, he could hear the laughter coming from the other side of the door.</p><p> </p><p>Confused, Stell opened the door and immediately froze. Sejun was awake, all the machines were gone and he only had a broken arm and a single square of gauze taped to his cheek. JP was also in there, along with Justin, Ken and Josh. And all of them were staring at him in confusion.</p><p> </p><p>Sejun gave him a soft smile, “Are you lost?”</p><p> </p><p>Stell wordlessly bowed before closing the door and running out of the hospital. None of those people in that room, which included his lover and best friend, recognized him. Maybe that deal he made wasn’t in a dream. Or maybe, maybe he was still in the dream and would have to find some way to wake up.</p><p> </p><p>Not knowing what else to do, Stell called the one guy who always knew what to do.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello?”</p><p> </p><p>“Kuya Yani!” Stell sighed happily, “It’s me Stell, I need your help.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hello?” Yani sounded confused, “Stell? I’m sorry, but I think you might have the wrong Yani, I don’t know anybody named Stell.”</p><p> </p><p>Stell dropped the phone. He didn’t know why he thought Yani would remember, but the older man had not remembered anything about his existence. A small part of him thought he should go check with his mother and see if she remembered him, but Stell couldn’t stand the thought of his own mother not remembering him. He’d rather not know.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, without knowing where he was going, Stell began to walk the familiar streets of Makati. All the streets and stores were the same, but as he came up to a magazine stall, he noticed that there was a difference between this new time and the time he remembered.</p><p> </p><p>On the cover of one of the magazines sat the four member SB19. There was Justin, Ken, Josh and Sejun, but no Stell.</p><p> </p><p>Quickly, Stell checked his pockets and managed to find enough bills in his pockets to buy the magazine. And then he continued down the mall until he found an empty bench to sit on.</p><p> </p><p>As he flipped through the pages, he recognized the bands such as PHP and 1st one. They all seemed normal, except then he hit the section filled with SB19 pictures and their interview.</p><p> </p><p>Stell wasn’t sure if he was just imagining it, but in this interview, they didn’t seem as close as they had been with Stell. Justin was quieter. No corny jokes and not as cheerful in this interview than the ones that they used to have, but then, maybe it was Stell's imagination. Even though he loved SB19, it hurt that they seemed perfectly fine without Stell.</p><p> </p><p>But then, Stell remembered that it’s not like how it was when two other supposed to be SB19 members left. There wasn’t anything missing without Stell because Stell didn’t exist. They didn’t know that they were missing something like when the trying times during training happened. It was just hard for Stell to accept that he wasn’t needed in what ever world this was.</p><p> </p><p>Though a lot of the world didn’t change, Stell couldn’t help but wonder what did change. What would Stell have a firm impact on in this new world where he didn’t exist?</p><p> </p><p>Keeping the magazine with him, Stell went to the nearest library that he could remember and sat down at one of the computers. He then typed the first thing that popped into his head into the search box.</p><p> </p><p>He froze, no lyrics for the song Kumunoy appeared on the computer. Instead, there were articles about the subject and how to save yourself from a quicksands. Quickly, he searched Hanggang Sa Huli and only random search results for songs with hanggang sa dulo lyrics instead. He kept reading for the first ten pages, not even one mention of a SB19 famous heartbreaking song.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, he typed in Go Up, and it came up with pretty much nothing. So none of those songs were even written? It just didn’t seem right. He figured that the songs were going to be sung by solo by Sejun and group songs by SB19.</p><p> </p><p>He then searched videos from SB19 and noticed that the PPOP group was really different now rather then when Stell was a part of it. Even though it didn’t show in those magazines, in the videos and articles, apparently Ken and Josh didn’t like each other. Both thought they were better then each other, as if they were rivals.</p><p> </p><p>That worried Stell. If Josh was pushed hard enough, he’s someone who wouldn’t be afraid to use sharp words. On the other hand, Ken never knew when to stop since he was always in his own little world. Therefore, by any chance the two would clash, Josh would push until Ken snapped. And no matter how good Justin and Sejun were at distracting the both, Stell would always remain the master of the task.</p><p> </p><p>But what could he do now? There was no way he’d be able to just walk up to them and pretend everything was normal.</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me sir,” one of the librarians brought him out of his thoughts, “The library will be closing soon.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Stell looked out the window, he hadn’t notice that the sun already set. “I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>So once he was out on the street, he turned to go to his apartment. But that wasn’t right, in this world, in whatever this place was, that was no longer his apartment. He doubted if it was even the group's hideout.</p><p> </p><p>Not knowing where else to go, Stell made his way to a nearby park and hid under a tree. His thin sweater the only thing to keep him warm through the cold night.</p><p> </p><p>--------------------------</p><p>Stell woke up to yet another hot day in the city. It had been almost a week since he was thrown into a world where no one knew where he was. And to be quite honest, he hated it. He had no place to sleep other than huddled under a tree in his thin sweatshirt that had begun to stink. He had no money so he had to scour for loose change to be able to feed himself. And worst of all, he was all alone. There was no one to talk to, and there was no one that cared.</p><p> </p><p>He had thought about getting a job, but knew that he wouldn’t be able to convince anyone to hire him. He had no way of bathing and they would be weary of the fact that he had absolutely no past. So all he could do was live in the park, thinking of how he could do anything when he was stuck with so little.</p><p> </p><p>That late afternoon, as he sat back against a tree that was right next to a major pathway through the park, he couldn’t help but begin to sing, <em>“Unti unting lunurin ang aking nadarama, O buhos ng ulan wag ng tumila pa. Paano nga ba mapapawi labis na pagdurusa? Kung wala nang pag-asa turuan mo naman akong limutin ka.” What he failed to notice as he sung was a man, not much older then himself, sit down on a nearby bench, intrigued by the song.</em></p><p> </p><p>“Wow! His voice is so beautiful” he heard a girl’s giggle. He immediately looked up and noticed a small group of high school girls surrounding him.  She then handed him a 50 peso note, “Here you go.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, no, that’s okay,” Stell became flustered. Sure he needed money, but he felt wrong taking it from her.</p><p> </p><p>“No, keep it, just as long as you keep singing.” The girl giggled while her friends gasped at how bold they thought she was.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.” Stell bowed his head so deeply it was almost touching the ground. He then sat back up and with a small smile on his face, he continued to sing. <em>“Kahit na ula'y tumila na. Luha sa aking mata'y patuloy pa. Ano nga bang magagawa kung hanggang ngayo'y mahal pa rin kita...”</em></p><p> </p><p>As he continued to sing, the girls listened while a few more people came up. Some of the nicer people placing money in the bundled sweater that was on his lap. But since it was so late, the crowd began to disappear after a few songs. Stell was fine with that, he didn’t expect anyone to listen to him anyways.</p><p> </p><p>“You have a beautiful singing voice.” A voice from a distance and in the darkness had scared Stell once everybody else left.</p><p> </p><p>Stell swallowed hard and looked around and managed to see the stranger’s figure through the darkness even though the nearest light was some meters away. He gripped his sweater full of people’s spare change closer to his chest as he slowly slid away.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not gonna take your money,” The person said softly as he slowly getting near him and Stell froze with his eyes wide open.</p><p> </p><p>He recognized that voice. That was Sejun's voice.</p><p>“So what are you doing out here?” Sejun asked, staying on his bench a few meters away from Stell. “Shouldn’t you be getting back to your house? It’s getting rather late.”</p><p> </p><p>Stell looked down in shame, “I don’t have any house, I live out here.”</p><p> </p><p>“In the park?” Sejun asked in disbelief.</p><p> </p><p>Internally, Stell smiled. Sejun was someone who always questioned the things he didn’t understand fully. At least that hadn’t changed. “Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“But it’s freezing out here at night,” Sejun said as he removed his rather thick jacket. He then walked over to Stell and wrapped it around his shoulders, “There’s no way you could survive a single night with just that sweater to keep you warm.”</p><p> </p><p>“If you don’t believe me, you can come back tomorrow and see if I’m still here,” Stell said as a joke.</p><p> </p><p>Sejun was about to reply when a buzzing sound came from the pocket of the jacket Sejun had leant Stell. Stell quickly took the jacket off and handed it to Sejun, who returned it to Stell's shoulders once he took his cell phone and his wallet out.</p><p> </p><p>In mere seconds Sejun's face went from serene to shocked, and Stell automatically recognized that face as Sejun’s ‘oh shit, I forgot about that training’ face.</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” Sejun opened his wallet to pull out a few bills, “I have to go now but here, have some money and keep the jacket, I’ll come visit.” And just like that, he was gone.</p><p> </p><p>Stell wiped away the tears that streaked down his face as he watched the love of his life run down the park pathway and turn out of sight. When the two were together, Stell hated it when he had to leave or when Sejun had to leave him. But now, it hurt even worse because now he knew there was a chance he wasn’t coming back. He had no reason to come back.</p><p> </p><p>However, Sejun's visit also gave Stell hope. It had been SB19 that had brought them together when Stell existed, but now, even with no connections, Sejun found his way to Stell. It was like in those cheesy dramas when one of the lover promises the other they’ll be together in the next life except everyone knows that’s pretty much impossible. Yet, Sejun had found his way back to Stell without any help at all.</p><p> </p><p>Stell didn’t care if Sejun coming to the park was just a coincidence or some random thing, Sejun had still come to him.</p><p> </p><p>For the first night since he was in this strange world, Stell was able to drift off into an uninterrupted, dreamless sleep with Sejun's overstuffed jacket giving him warmth physically, and warming his heart. It wasn’t as good as sleeping in Sejun's arms, but the man’s jacket smelled just as Stell remembered. It was the closest thing to home he felt in this strange place.</p><p> </p><p> ----------------------</p><p>Stell smiled as he walked out of the public restroom in all new clothes except for the over stuffed jacket that he wore constantly for the past week. Sure, from singing on the streets he hadn’t made enough money to have a place to sleep, but he had enough to survive.</p><p> </p><p>Even though he was still living in the park, he had food, water, and a blanket to keep warm when the cold nights rolled in. He was getting the hang of living in a place where no one knew his existence.</p><p> </p><p>The only hard part was when he was walking around the city, he’d always see pictures of the four member SB19 or commercials for their newest album. Whenever he saw them, it felt as if a piece of himself was missing. He was supposed to be there with them, and they were supposed to know who he was.</p><p> </p><p>As he walked back to his tree in the park, he noticed a group of girls with magazines in their hands, all talking about the latest scandal in the tabloids. Stell was shocked when he saw that it had nothing to do with some certain girl. The latest scandal was Josh and Ken getting into a fist fight caught by fans on a guesting event while rehearsing backstage.</p><p> </p><p>Why was that happening? They weren’t supposed to fight, they were supposed to be friends! Back when SB19 returned with their second single, Stell vividly remembers how he thought Ken was replacing him in Josh’s life as a best friend. The two went out to karaoke together and they even had pet names for each other too. So why were they fighting?</p><p> </p><p>Rushing over to a nearby garbage can, Stell pulled out the tabloid that was sitting on top and saw the picture of Ken with his fist connecting with Josh’s jaw. Quickly, he opened up to the page with the story and read about how Josh had complained about Ken’s bad blockings and Ken made fun of Josh’s height and then Justin tried to stop them. Too late because Ken already quick to threw the first punch.</p><p> </p><p>As it began to rain, Stell angrily threw the tabloid back into the trash can before walking to his tree. He knew it was probably better to find some real place of shelter, but he didn’t care right now. All he could focus his mind on was why his friends were fighting.</p><p> </p><p>For hours, he sat under the tree, glaring at the floor in front of him. Silently thankful the rain had stopped, but still in turmoil. His mind replayed so many memories of Ken and Josh laughing together, but that’s all they were memories. Heck, in this time, they weren’t even memories, more like just his imagination.</p><p> </p><p>Stell wiped at his cheeks, he felt absolutely helpless. He never liked to see his friends suffering. And now, even though they didn’t know they were friends, Stell still felt like it was him getting hit.</p><p> </p><p>“I hate that twerp!” Stell heard a familiar voice growl into the darkness.</p><p> </p><p>“Calm down Josh,” Stell recognized that voice as well. “He’ll apologize, I bet he didn’t mean it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Justin, get out of your stupid little dream world. No one likes this group except for the fans. Sejun's over worked, Ken thinks he’s the center of the universe, you are too afraid to talk to anybody besides me. And no matter how hard you try, you’re never going to bring us together to be one perfect unit.” Josh exclaimed into the night. “I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Stell peeked out from behind his tree to see Justin wiping a tear from his eyes. “It can work, we just need to try.”</p><p> </p><p>“We’ve been trying Jah,” Josh said in a much softer voice this time. “But that’s the thing, we’re trying, as in you and me. Them, it’s not so much.”</p><p> </p><p>Justin wiped a few more tears and sat down on a bench, “You should really get home. I have a drama taping tomorrow early morning but I think I just need to spend some time alone right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Josh sighed, “Fine, but call me when you get home. And stay in well lit areas.”</p><p> </p><p>“I will.” Justin replied with a smile.</p><p> </p><p>Josh ruffled the younger man’s hair before walking back the way they had come from. Justin heaved a heavy sigh and stared up at the cloudy sky. “Why is this so hard?”</p><p> </p><p>As an answer to Justin's question, it began to rain. The man sighed, brought his knees up to his chest, and then rested his head atop them.</p><p> </p><p>Stell had never been able to stand seeing Justin like this, and a drenched, depressed Justin would have been even worse. So, he quickly shrugged off his jacket before running over and holding it above Justin to deflect the rain.</p><p> </p><p>“Josh, I thought-“ Justin then looked up and saw Stell standing there. He didn’t know who Stell was, and it was easy for Stell to tell that Justin didn’t recognize him. “I thought you were someone else.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Stell smiled down, “Maybe you should be getting back home though, you might catch a cold out here.”</p><p> </p><p>Justin sighed, “I should go home, but I don’t want to.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why not?” Stell asked as he sat next to Justin, letting the jacket rest on the younger man’s shoulders, the hood pulled up as well.</p><p> </p><p>“Everything feels wrong.” Justin rested his chin on his knees, “Being in a group shouldn’t be this hard. I guess when people said that we’re too different, they were right. But it feels like we should be able to do this, like we were destined to be together. But if we were really destined to be together, why is it so hard to stay together?”</p><p> </p><p>Stell's heart broke a little, where was Sejun? He always made sure that Justin was happy. So why was Justin here pouring his soul out to a stranger? “I’m sorry, but I don’t know what to tell you.”</p><p> </p><p>Justin smiled at Stell his most grateful smile, “You’ve done more then half of my group. You listened.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I’m pretty much always here so if you need, I’ll always listen to you.” Stell assured him. He then tried to think back to the days of SB19 when no one really thought they’d make it. What did they do back then to make things better? But all he could come up with was that things smoothed themselves out over time. So, he decided that Justin needed to be cheered up, instead. “Besides, I have faith you can fix this, I mean, just look at your smile, it’s brightening up this dreary night. It’s the brightest thing I’ve ever seen, including the sun.”</p><p> </p><p>Justin's smile brightened even more, his eyes turning into small slits. “It’s not that good.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes it is,” Stell laughed, and oh how he missed laughing. “Have you seen your smile? You may not think it’s much, but unlike a lot of people, you smile with your eyes because it’s pure. For whatever reason you’re smiling, it’s easy to tell it’s from genuine happiness.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s people like you who make the world a better place.” Justin replied truthfully before he sneezed.</p><p> </p><p>Stell froze and looked around. While talking to Justin, he had completely forgotten the cold rain falling down on them, even though it had drenched him. “You should get home, it’s raining.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right.” Justin then moved to take off the jacket, but Stell stopped him. “But it’s yours.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine, take it.” Stell insisted, not caring that it had been Sejun's, just as long as Justin was healthy.</p><p> </p><p>“But what about you?” Justin asked, his caring side kicking in.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be fine.” Stell stated firmly, “I don’t live far from here at all, just in the apartments along the edge of the park. Besides, you should really hurry home, your friend is waiting for you to call him to say you got home safely.”</p><p> </p><p>Justin flashed Stell one last smile, “I almost forgot! Thank you so much! And not just for the jacket, for everything. Though I really wish there was something I could do for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Keep smiling,” Stell replied automatically. “Just keep smiling.”</p><p> </p><p>“I will.” Justin nodded before running down the path in the direction of his car.</p><p> </p><p>Stell shivered, the cold air was finally getting to him. He just ran back to his tree that even though had a thick layer of leaves and branches, still let some water through. However, he still had his blanket and even thought it was a little damp, it was still perfectly usable. And in mere minutes, he slipped into a dream world where everyone knew who he was and Justin never stopped smiling.</p><p> </p><p> ------------------------------------</p><p>“Wake up,” Stell heard someone yell as they shook him gently. “Come on kid, wake up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh?” Stell yawned and stretched out.</p><p> </p><p>“JP, he’s alive,” the person next to him said in a reassuring voice.</p><p> </p><p>Stell slowly opened his eyes, they felt much more heave than they should have. He almost gasped when he noticed that he had his head on Sejun's lap. And just over Sejun's shoulder, he could see a relieved JP.</p><p> </p><p>As he began to wake up more, he could feel a dull throbbing in his head, and all of his muscles felt like lead. “What happened?”</p><p> </p><p>Sejun adjusted the jacket that was thrown over Stell, “There was a really bad storm last night and I remembered you were here and we just wanted to make sure you were alive.”</p><p> </p><p>Then, Stell felt his eye lids slowly flutter shut as he muttered something incoherent. A soft hand was then placed on his forehead, “He’s burning up, dude. We can’t just leave him here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, kid,” Sejun lightly slapped Stell's cheeks to try and wake him up. But all it got him were Stell's eyes slightly opening. “We’re gonna take you back to the agency, alright?”</p><p> </p><p>Once again, Stell muttered something that even he couldn’t understand before shutting his eyes and drifting off to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>The next time Stell woke up, he was bundled under many blankets on something soft. This time, it wasn’t so difficult to open his eyes and look around. This was definitely ShowBT's dressing room, there was absolutely no doubt in his mind.</p><p> </p><p>He sat up and looked around. The only thing that was different was that there was no spot for Stell.</p><p> </p><p>But he was distracted from these thoughts when a small squeak came from the doorway. Stell turned and smiled brightly. There was his friend Felip, the Ken Suson.</p><p> </p><p>“Who the hell are you?” Ken demanded an answer.</p><p> </p><p>Stell froze. Okay, this was definitely not friend in the whole wide world. “I’m Stellvester Ajero.”</p><p> </p><p>“And why are you in our dressing room?” Ken almost yelled.</p><p> </p><p>Not knowing what to answer, Stell just shrugged. This action, however, just seemed to anger Ken even more.</p><p> </p><p>“Get the hell out!” Ken did yell this time. “Who the hell do you think you are just barging into people’s space? You’re not even a trainee, are you? How’d you freaking get in here?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ken, shut up,” A new voice joined the yelling, making Stell cringe. He definitely knew that yell, that yell was a Josh Cullen yell. “Sejun brought him in so stop your whining. Besides, you’re just being a jerk.”</p><p> </p><p>Stell frowned. This was not at all how Josh and Ken were supposed to act to each other.</p><p> </p><p>Ken just glared at Josh, “Oh, so just because Sejun said so then it’s okay? How do we know he’s not gonna steal our shit?”</p><p> </p><p>Stell lay back down, closed his eyes, and covered his ears. This was wrong. It all felt so wrong. As he sat there, he could still hear the murmurs and an occasional word from the fight and it slightly broke his heart. Why were they even like this? Stell had never really interfered with their relationship back in his own world, so why was it here that the two were fighting?</p><p> </p><p>Everything in the room seemed to freeze when a third person joined the occasion. Slowly, Stell opened his eyes and saw that Josh, Ken and Sejun were all staring at him. He sat up, “I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Josh seemed to be confused.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t mean to make you two fight,” Stell admitted, looking anywhere and everywhere but at the three.</p><p> </p><p>Stell caught a quick glance of Sejun giving Josh and Ken a strict glare as he looked around the room. Josh was the first to speak, “I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have fought in front of you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not.” Ken stated before leaving the room.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you have a vocal training right now?” Sejun asked Josh, his voice surprisingly soft.</p><p> </p><p>Josh's eyes grew in surprise, “Thanks.” And just like that, he was gone.</p><p> </p><p>Sejun turned towards Stell, caught the younger man’s uneasy look, he smiled softly. “You don’t have to be afraid of them. Josh is really just a softie. And as for Ken,” He sighed, “That kid used to be one of the sweetest people you could ever meet.”</p><p> </p><p>“What happened? Stell truly had to know.</p><p> </p><p>Sejun walked over to him and sat next to him on the couch, “This did. When he first got to this agency, he was timid and shy, but he was very much a loner. He got teased by the other trainees a lot. So when he got the chance to debut after a few months while others were here for years, it went to his head. Now, he’s turned into a diva.”</p><p> </p><p>Stell felt responsible for that, too. He could remember how timid and scared Ken was to be there at first. That was when Ken began to clutch onto Stell.</p><p> </p><p>“But enough about them, they’ll grow up.” Sejun turned towards Stell, “What happened to that jacket I gave you? You almost died last night because you didn’t have anything dry to keep you warm.”</p><p> </p><p>“I gave it to someone.” Stell admitted quietly.</p><p> </p><p>“eh?”</p><p> </p><p>“A guy came, with your Josh actually, and he was really sad.” Stell said, remembering that he wasn’t supposed to know who Justin was. “He was sitting alone on the bench looking really sad. Then it began to rain, and I didn’t want him to get sick.”</p><p> </p><p>“So you gave him his jacket so that on the way home he wouldn’t get sick even though it would leave you out in the rain with a high chance of getting sick.”</p><p> </p><p>Stell nodded silently.</p><p> </p><p>Sejun laughed and leaned back. “You’re crazy. So, where are you gonna go now?”</p><p> </p><p>“Back to the park,” Stell said as he pushed all of the blankets off of him.</p><p> </p><p>However, a firm hand on his own stopped him. He looked up to see Sejun looking at him with a very serious look on his face, “No, you can’t. You have to go find a relative’s house or maybe a friend’s house to stay at, it’s supposed to rain tonight as well.”</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, alright then, I guess" Stell nodded.</p><p>Sejun looked him in the eye, still not letting go of Stell"s wrist, "Do you have any friends or relatives to go to? And if you lie to me, I will know."</p><p>Stell stayed quiet, just staring into Sejun's eyes.</p><p>"Wait here." Sejun demanded as he stood up and Stell went back onto the couch. He left the room for three seconds before entering with a trainee, "You, watch him. If he leaves, I'll hit you."</p><p>And even in his own time, Stell didn’t talk to this trainee. So, he opted for just sitting there starting at the wall.</p><p>It wasn’t long before Sejun returned and the trainee practically ran from the room. Sejun just smiled and sat down on the couch next to Stell. "You're gonna come home with me and JP." </p><p>"What?" Stell was startled. </p><p>"We can't leave you out on the street to die." Sejun pointed out. "Besides, we can feed you since you look a lot on the skinny side and get you some new clothes and maybe even-"</p><p>"But I'm a stranger." Stell pointed out. "Don't you think it's really unsafe to let someone into your home?"</p><p>"No, it's okay, I talked it over with JP." Sejun replied as if it was now suddenly perfectly fine.</p><p>"Is it really okay?" Stell just couldn’t resist the chance to live with the man he once loved. Heck, Sejun was the man that Stell still loved.</p><p>"Yes." Sejun smiled. "It's just, JP says that you're not allowed to be in the apartment without one of us just in case. Or at least, not until we get to know you. So you'll probably be with one of us for most of the day unless you want to go to the park or something."</p><p>Stell was about to reply when the door opened and Justin came in. "Hi! What are you doing here?"</p><p>"He brought me here." Stell indicated towards Sejun.</p><p>And in turn, Sejun gasped, "I can't believe I forgot! I'm John Paulo Nase, but you can call me Sejun. That's Justin De Dios, do you two know each other?"</p><p>"He's the guy I gave your jacket to," Stell admitted. </p><p>"Are you alright?" Justin's caring instincts kicked in when he saw how skinny Stell looked under the florescent lighting.</p><p>"Yes." Stell smiled brightly.</p><p>Sejun rolled his eyes, "Liar."</p><p>Stell just directed his smile at Sejun, and the older man couldn’t help but smile back.</p><p> </p><p> ------------------</p><p>Stell sat quietly in SB19's room for the remainder of the day. Shockingly, their teacher didn’t come in, but Justin had told Stell that it was normal for the them to spend training days without her coming to the agency until she ultimately had to.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t until late in the night that both JP and Sejun got off, leaving Stell in the dressing room with a lot of time to just sit back and think about everything from his family to the nice girl who worked at the café near this house. Were their lives messed up like SB19’s dynamic was?</p><p> </p><p>“Hi Stell!” Sejun tapped the sofa next to him before collapsing down and yawned, “It’s been such a long day.”</p><p> </p><p>“So," as JP sat down on the other side of Stell, “Is this the homeless guy we’re taking in?”</p><p> </p><p>“You stupid!” Sejun yelled before reaching around Stell to hit his best friend JP. “That’s not something that you just say. Especially not like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“That hurt.” JP pouted, rubbing the spot on the arm that Sejun just hit. Then, his eyes lit up as they landed on Sejun, “So, you’re the guy Paulo was talking about from the park that one day. I hear you have a really good singing voice.”</p><p> </p><p>“He does!” Sejun nodded, making Stell slightly blush.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not that good.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes you are,” Sejun yawned again, “Stop being so modest.”</p><p> </p><p>Stell just smiled and laid back on the couch with a large yawn.</p><p> </p><p>“So I guess it’s time to take you two kiddies home,” JP laughed and stood up, “I’m not carrying either of you to the car, but we will be leaving in five minutes whether you’re in it or not. Now, I have to go back to PHP's room to get my stuff.”</p><p> </p><p>Once JP was gone, Sejun turned towards Stell, “I’m sorry for what he said.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be,” Stell immediately replied, “It’s fine. I mean, he’s telling the truth.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be offended,” Sejun made Stell look him in the eyes, “He doesn’t think before he speaks, but he also doesn’t mean any harm by it.”</p><p> </p><p>Stell remembered Sejun almost saying the exact same thing to him back when the two began to go out. Going out with Sejun meant spending a lot more time with his friends, including a loud mouthed JP Soliva.</p><p> </p><p>“Now,” Sejun stood up, grabbed his bag, and held his hand out to Stell, “Let’s get going before he decides to leave us here.”</p><p> </p><p>Stell reached out and took Sejun's hand. He then let Sejun drag him into the elevators and then out to JP's rather nice car out in the parking lot.</p><p> </p><p>“Finally,” JP sighed and got into his car, “You two took forever.”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop whining and drive.” Sejun said once Stell and himself were buckled in.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t long before Sejun and JP were fighting over the radio, and it most definitely reminded Stell of when he and his younger sister fought over the radio constantly. That wasn’t all they fought over, sometimes it was the last piece of strawberry, or the television. But no matter what, they always ended up compromising over whatever they were fighting about.</p><p> </p><p>“I want this song!” JP pouted childishly and changed it to the station he wanted.</p><p> </p><p>“I hate this song,” Sejun turned the station, “Now this is a good song.”</p><p> </p><p>“No it’s not.” JP changed it again.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes it is.” Sejun changed it back to his station.</p><p> </p><p>JP just turned the radio off, “Ha!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ha?” Sejun laughed, “Well, now you don’t get to listen to your song either so ha!”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn,” JP sighed and just continued to finish the rather short drive in mere minutes.</p><p> </p><p>Once they arrived in the bestfriends’ apartment, Stell was shocked. Sure they had a nice place back before Sejun and Stell moved in together with the SB19 members, but this place with only JP and Sejun was very upscale.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, the bathroom is right here,” JP indicated one of the doors, “My room is that way, Paulo's room is that way, and the kitchen is right over there. Now, we don’t have any extra beds, is the couch alright?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes!,” Stell nodded eagerly, “It’s more then alright. I’m just happy to have a roof over my head.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay then,” JP yawned, “I have an early day tomorrow so good night.” JP then went down one of the halls.</p><p> </p><p>Sejun then turned towards Stell, “You must be hungry, you haven’t eaten since lunch.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m alright,” Stell smiled softly.</p><p> </p><p>“No you're not, besides, I’m hungry too. So come on,” He headed towards the kitchen, “You’ll see just what an amazing chef I am.”</p><p> </p><p>Stell froze. Since when could Sejun cook? There were a few attempts back in Stell's life, but that’s all they were, attempts. Either his favorite hotdogs or his infamous itlog na puti. “You cook?”</p><p> </p><p>“All the time.” Sejun said in his bragging voice. “So come on in, I promise you won’t regret it.”</p><p> </p><p>And he was right. Not for a moment did Stell regret going into the kitchen quick because just after a few minutes, he had laughed so hard he fell off the stool he had been on. Sejun had been attempting to make some pancakes for the two after finding a box in his pantry. Only, somehow, the man had managed to catch the whole pan of pancake on fire and he almost bursting out into tears when most of the pancakes came out looks like ashes.</p><p> </p><p>Once the mixtures were put out, the two decided that instant noodles were a much safer choice to go with.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Faded Memories Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When Sejun is on the verge of death, Stell makes a deal with a magical being to save his life. But in exchange, the being wipes out every single memory of Stell.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You might find these characters disturbing for now since they were not the SB19 members we all knew. I'm feeling experimental since this fiction with sort of time lapse and parallel theme. So I hope you'll enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Oi kid, wake up,” Stell felt himself being shaken awake. </p><p>“JP?” Stell yawned. “Yeah it’s me, John Paulo’s got some work out of the agency today so you’re gonna come with me.” JP smiled down at him, “So get changed and then I’ll take you out for breakfast.” </p><p>Stell sat up and looked around the room. It was still a shock that one moment he had been out on the streets and the next Sejun and JP had taken him in like a stray dog.</p><p>Quickly, Stell got up as to not be an annoyance to JP, but as soon as he was on his feet, he remembered that he had no clothes to change in to. </p><p>“Here,” JP handed him some clothes as if to read his mind, “You can have these until we buy you some new clothes."</p><p> “Thank you.” Stell bowed slightly before running off to change in the bathroom. Once he was finished, JP had taken him out for a quick breakfast at a nearby diner before heading off to the agency. </p><p>Stell felt as if he was being a burden, he couldn’t provide his own clothes or pay for his own breakfast, but JP kept reminding him that he wasn’t a burden, and that JP and Sejun willingly took him in knowing that he wouldn’t be able to pay for himself. </p><p>So once they got to the agency, instead of following his instincts and heading straight for SB19's’ room, Stell quietly followed JP to PHP’s dressing room and froze when the six men in JP’s group all stared at him. </p><p>“JP, who’s your friend?” Yuuki asked as he smiled towards Stell. Stell just smiled back as JP replied, “This is Stell, Paulo and I took him in since he has nowhere to go.” </p><p>“What do you mean no where to go?” Zio asked cynically. </p><p>“He’s got no family or any real friends so Paulo and I took him-“ </p><p>“You took in a homeless guy off of the street?” Rhad interrupted, “Are you guys mental? He could be a serial killer or a rapist or-“ </p><p>“Shut up Rhad,” Jo cut him off. “He’s standing right here, besides, if JP and John Paulo took him in, they must have made sure that it was safe to let him in.” </p><p>He then walked over to Stell, “Hello, I’m Jo Sarmiento, what’s your name?” “I’m Stellvester Ajero.” Stell replied quietly, not scared of Jo as they were former trainee batchmates. But scared of all of the other eyes watching his every move. </p><p>He was sure that if he did one small gesture, seems like Charles would tackle him to the ground. “Don’t be afraid,” Yukito said encouragingly, “Charles' really a nice guy.” </p><p>But when Stell didn’t say anything, JP sighed, “Hey, do you want to go see if Justin's in?” Stell's face lit up, “Can we?” </p><p>“Of course,” JP laughed at just how childish Stell seemed. He then proceeded to lead the younger man to the familiar terrain known as SB19’s room. </p><p>And even though there was no sign of Justin in the room, on the couch with his nose buried deep in his phone was Josh. “Good morning Josh,” JP greeted, “Is Justin coming in today?” </p><p>“Yeah,” Josh replied. “He should be here within the hour.” </p><p>“Do you mind if I leave Stell in here with you?” JP questioned, “I would like to keep him with me, but I think the rest of PHP might be preoccupied.” </p><p>Josh looked over Stell, obviously nervous, JP added "Plus he and Justin got along really well so I figured Justin could look out for him today, or at least I get everything to calm down with our group's activities today.” </p><p>“Okay,” Josh said awkwardly agreed not wanting to reveal to JP the chaos yesterday. And just as soon as he said yes, JP was out the door.</p><p>Josh looked over Stell with a critical eye, “So, you were homeless?” Stell nodded awkwardly. “And then JP and Sejun just decided to take you in?” Stell nodded awkwardly again. </p><p>“Oh,” was all Josh said as he sat back in his seat. “Well, I have to finished this game so just stay quiet and wait until Justin gets here.” </p><p>“Yes!” Stell smiled brightly, making Josh send him one of his famous drama smiles that was so fake it was funny. Stell then made his way to the same couch Josh was on, and just like in old times, he leaned over to see what Josh was playing in his high spec phone.</p><p>His eyes skimmed the game until he came upon a strategy that he couldn’t understand, “How did you do that?” Josh turned on Stell as if he had forgotten that he was there. </p><p>“Are you playing this too?”</p><p>“A bit, before” Stell stated awkwadly. He forgot he just knew this game because of Josh. But to keep a conversation then pointed again and asked, "How?" </p><p>“Why would you care?” Josh asked suspiciously. “Well, it’s amazing how you could play this before. If you’re able to have a games like this, shouldn’t you be able to understand it better yourself?” Josh carefully observed the curious and ever so smiley Stell as if he was some math problem the older man just couldn’t understand.</p><p> </p><p>Until finally, his expression softened, “You’re quite different than the people I’m used to.” As if on cue, Ken came into the room and rolled his eyes, “You’re back? And it looks like you’ve now caught Josh in your little trap, pathetic.” </p><p> </p><p>“See what I mean,” Josh said as he buried his nose in the game again, a pout evident on his face. </p><p>“Hey, show that game move again?” Stell asked eagerly once again and pointed to the screen. And as Josh started to explain, Stell was sure he saw a small trace of a smile on his face. </p><p> ------------ </p><p> </p><p>“You, why are you still here? Shouldn’t you have followed Josh like a lost puppy or something?” Ken said in his most superior voice as he fixed his hair in the mirror. </p><p>Stell sighed quietly and sat back in his seat. He was sitting there on the couch in SB19's dressing room waiting for Josh to get back. The older boy had left about ten minutes ago in search of food, leaving Stell alone with Diva!Kenji.</p><p>“You!” Ken stepped into Stell's line of sight, “Who do you think you are?” With a small yawn, Stell looked Ken up and down before looking around everywhere else, spotting a manga loitering in the room. He smiled, remembering how Ken would always being a volume of his favorite manga and when he finished any dance routine he had to do, he’d reward himself by reading the manga.</p><p>Stell grabbed the manga and began to read, causing Ken to huff in annoyance. “Hey! I’m talking to you! Stop ignoring me!” Stell looked up from the manga, </p><p>“Oh, I’m not ignoring you.” </p><p>“Then why aren’t you answering?” Ken asked and Stell was sure if they were in a cartoon that steam would be coming out of the younger member’s ears. </p><p>“Because you don’t have anything nice to say.” Stell pointed out. “I see no need to talk to someone who’s only going to say mean things.” Ken froze in shock, and Stell saw this as his opportunity to go back to reading the manga. </p><p>The room was once again enveloped in silence for what seemed like a very long period of time until Josh came back in with food. Stell automatically perked up at the smell and perked up even more when he noticed that Josh had two plates. “I thought it would be rude to only get me some food, so I grabbed you a few chicken buns.” Josh smiled and handed Stell the plate. </p><p>Stell smiled brightly, thanking Josh before he took a large bite and almost drooled at how delicious it was. But then, as he went in to take another bite, he remembered that Ken was still in the room. Quietly, as to not disturb Josh who had gone back to playing, Stell stood up and walked over to Ken, “Hey, do you want some chicken bun?” Ken slowly turned around, a look of true horror on his face. </p><p> </p><p>Stell also heard a small strangled sound and turned to see Josh looking up at Stell as if he had just confessed his undying love for Ken or something. Stell turned back to Ken, “Don’t worry, they’re really good!” But before Ken could manage to form words, the door opened and an exciting voice said, “Kuya Lester?” </p><p>“Jah!” </p><p>Stell turned around and walked over to the youngest member, “You came!” </p><p>“Of course, I have work.” Justin smiled back, he was definitely a comforting presence.</p><p>“But what are you doing here? I thought Sejun was out on location today.” </p><p>“He is,” Stell said and walked with Justin to his section of dressing room as Ken left the room.</p><p>He wasn’t sure why, but in a world where nobody knew who he was, Justin welcomed him so openly that Stell couldn’t help but be excited when he was near. It was like Justin was once again his bunso. </p><p>“But JP brought me in and then his band was busy so I stayed here with Josh-I mean Josh Cullen.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Justin smiled brightly, “You can call him Kuya Josh, he doesn’t mind, right?” </p><p> </p><p>Josh looked over from his seat, “What?!”</p><p>“Kuya Lester can call you Kuya Josh right?” Justin asked with his completely innocent face. “Josh is fine,” Josh nodded, and Stell smiled brightly. “See?” Justin turned back to the counter.</p><p> </p><p>“So does that mean you’re spending your day with us until JP is finished?” </p><p>“Yes!” Stell smiled a smile worthy on a great day, </p><p> </p><p>“That’s great! We can go to this amazing Chinese place for lunch and then-“</p><p>“Jah, you’re scaring the poor kid haha!” Josh laughed. And to be honest, Stell was a little bit confused. Wasn’t Josh supposed to be this all grumpy a while ago? And Justin suddenly more lively than their first meeting.</p><p>Didn’t Sejun mentioned that his members didn’t normally open up? But then Ken entered the room and Justin turned in to a quiet nerd again, Josh's nose buried deep into the game. That’s when Stell understood. Justin wasn’t scared or intimidated by his band mates, Ken was uncomfortable with them since others were much closer. </p><p>They didn’t open up or even give an encouraging good morning while coming in the door like they used to before. Stell made a mental note of this new information. He had to remember everything now because he knew what this group could be, and where it was, was nowhere near its potential. So, he was going to fix it.</p><p>He’d make Josh less intimidating, make Ken become more down to earth, open Justin up more and fix whatever what was wrong with Sejun, and then they’d be the SB19 he once knew and to be proud of.</p><p>But as he looked around the room while Justin is pouting in the mirror, he knew it was going to take long to get their hardworking leader Sejun to let someone take care of him. It would take a lot of convincing powers to get Josh to let down his defenses and allow himself to smile around everyone and be who he was.</p><p>It would take even longer for Stell to let Ken know that they were all equal and that no one else was ever going to make fun of him. It would take Stell's patience to get it through Ken's thick head that SB19 was always going to be there for him. </p><p>And hopefully, it wouldn’t take so long for Justin to come out of his shell and smile even when Ken and Josh were in the room. And personally he couldn’t begin to imagine how to make Sejun happy. </p><p> </p><p>-------------- </p><p> </p><p>Stell sat quietly in the car as Justin made the last turn and pulled the car over to the side of the road in front of Sejun and JP’s apartment building. JP had a late night shoot while Sejun hadn’t been at the agency all day so instead of making Stell stay there until well passed midnight, JP decided it would be best if Stell went back to the apartment. </p><p>“Do you remember which one it is?” Justin asked. </p><p>“Yes!” Stell brightly smiled even this late in the night, and got out of the car. </p><p>“Thank you for bringing me home Jah.”</p><p>“Anytime Kuya Lester,” Justin smiled back before driving off, laughing when he saw Stell waving in the rear view mirror. </p><p>Once Justin's car turned down to a different street, Stell stopped waving, turned around, and then looked up at the rather intimidating building. He sighed and walked inside, ignoring the odd look he got from the guy behind the desk in the lobby.</p><p>Stell shifted his gaze to the floor, he didn’t even know what that man was doing there. It seemed like it took an eternity of awkwardness to get from the door to the elevators, but once he was safely inside away from the gaze coming from that man behind the desk, Stell let out a sigh of relief and waited. He wasn’t sure if it was because he was anxious or something, but the ride up the elevator seemed to take forever, too.</p><p>Yet, once again, after the eternity, the elevator arrived at the right floor and Stell went straight for the first door. After opening Stell noticed the pair of shoes in the doorway, “John Paulo?” </p><p>“Stell?” a confused voice came from the living room. After getting on his slippers, Stell walked inside and saw Sejun sitting on the couch with some strawberry ice cream. Stell's heart stopped for a fleeting moment. He could remember the rare days when he’d get home later than Sejun, and the older man would be sitting up waiting with a bowl of ice cream and some milk. Even if it was three in the morning, Sejun would be there with milk and ice cream. </p><p>“Hi John Paulo,” Stell said awkwardly, this Sejun wasn’t waiting up for him, he just was awake. </p><p>“Is JP with you?” Sejun sounded confused.</p><p>Stell shook his head, “He’s still at work. Jah gave me a ride here.” </p><p>“Jah?” Sejun let out a small chuckle, “How is it he can get you to call him Jah while you still call me John Paulo?”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Stell said quietly.</p><p>“Don’t be,” Sejun patted the seat next to him, signaling Stell to sit down,</p><p>“Just call me Sejun.”</p><p>“Okay,” Stell sat down, “Sejun.” </p><p>“See, it’s easy,” Sejun ruffled Stell's hair before leaning back in his seat.</p><p>Stell sat back as well and instead of watching the television, he watched Sejun from the corner of his eye. There was something off. Or, at least, he was pretty sure that something was off. If he had been back in the time where he existed, something would have definitely been off.</p><p>“Is that my shirt?” Sejun asked during one of the commercials.</p><p>“Oh, sorry,” Stell looked down, “JP gave it to me this morning and said that it was alright to wear it.” </p><p>“It’s fine,” Sejun laughed showing his braces and Stell looked over to him, confused. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun noticed the look, “You get flustered so easily, it’s cute.” And this only made Stell more flustered, and he even blushed a little bit. Stell felt the same way he did after he first figured out that he had feelings for Sejun. There was just something magical about liking someone and not being sure that they like you back. Sure it hurts like hell if they don’t, but in those moments when you’re thinking that an action meant a bit more, your heart flutters. Or, at least Stell's heart did.</p><p>At the end of the show, Stell turned to look at Sejun, only to find out that the older man had fallen asleep. Instead of waking him up or even turning off the tv so it wouldn’t wake him, Stell sighed and watched as Sejun's chest rhythmically moved up and down to the beat of his breath. </p><p>There was something so interesting about a sleeping Sejun that no matter if it was on the couch in SB19's room or in the bed that they once shared. His sleeping face was so much more open and easy to read that it made up for all those lost cold looks that Sejun usually gave to people. </p><p>His face would scrunch up if it was a bad dream, smile if it was a good dream, his lips would slightly part if it was a dream centered around romance, and if he was unhappy, he would pout. And right now, that pout stayed firm on Sejun's face, causing Stell to worry. It was easy for him to tell that Sejun was unhappy, but his pout had never looked so firm before. There were wrinkles on Sejun's  forehead that suggested that he had been pouting an awful lot lately.</p><p>Knowing that Sejun would probably wake up sore if he slept on the couch, Stell carefully lifted Sejun onto his back and carried him into his bedroom. And after he placed him on the bed, under the warm blankets Sejun loved, Stell kissed him on the forehead for he knew he's already in deep sleep and went back into the living room.</p><p>For almost an hour, he stared at the television screen, not really comprehending the show, but thinking about his old lover. Was Sejun being over worked again? Because no matter how much he loved work, he also liked to take time to go see his family. Or was it SB19 and all their problems? </p><p>Though, Stell only thought that was a small part of the problem. Sure everyone was different, but Sejun was like Justin in which they hadn’t changed much. This Sejun acted just like the Sejun in the early days of SB19.</p><p>He didn’t really expected to be in the group. He admittedly said on interviews he will be a solo artist if SB19 did not exist. Stell is having a wild guess that in this time maybe Sejun thought SB19 was not going to last, therefore he was skeptical of sticking close to anyone besides Josh since they were senior trainees and became best friends.</p><p>But then, there was something again that made Stell think that Sejun wanted SB19 to be more. Just by the small interactions Stell saw the day before, Stell felt like Sejun just needed someone else want to be there. Sure sometimes people gave off that helpful vibe, but Sejun knew that if they all didn’t come together, they wouldn’t last. </p><p>Stell turned off the television and then lay down on the couch. Everything was going to get better from here, he would make sure of it.</p><p> ----------------------</p><p> </p><p>By the next week, Stell had gotten used to leaving the apartment in the early morning, sitting around SB19's room even if nobody was inside, and then going home late in the night. A part of him felt like he had an idol's schedule again, but with nothing to do.</p><p>So, while SB19 was at a music video shoot and PHP was at a dance rehearsal, Stell decided that he'd go out and walk around the city. Even though he had no money, he figured that he could surely find something to do. And he did. </p><p>He had gone to the park and watched all the people walking by, making up stories about them in his head. After that, Stell swung on the swings, ran around the park, and did a small work out since he hadn’t worked out ever since he moved in with JP and Sejun.</p><p>It wasn’t until he heard someone calling his name that he came out of his own small world and realized that it now had to be well passed noon. He looked at whoever had called his name and saw that JP was looking around the vast park and calling out his name. </p><p>"JP?" Stell asked and walked over to the older man. JP turned towards him and a look of relief passed over his face before a look of anger took its place,"Where have you been all day? I thought you were in SB19's room but then by the time I went to check, you were out. At first I thought you were with Justin until I saw him and he said he thought that you were with me. We were all so worried." </p><p>"Sorry," Stell bowed, "I didn’t mean to worry you guys, it's just, sitting around gets boring after a while." JP was about to keep yelling but he is still catching his breath. Not only had he been worried, but Justin, Josh, Sejun, and even Charles were worried that something had happened to Stell and it really scared him. </p><p>But his anger disappeared at the look of sorrow that Stell had on his face. "It's okay that you left to past time," JP sighed, "Just next time tell someone so we know where you are." Stell looked up at JP with a smile. He felt like he was getting scolded by his father or even his younger sister. He used to get scolded like this all the time when he was a kid because he'd stay out passed sunset playing at the basketball court without telling his parents. </p><p>"But it's all okay now because I found you," JP assured Stell.</p><p>"Now come on, let's go back to the agency before Justin goes crazy."</p><p>"Alright," Stell eagerly followed. Once they arrived at the agency, Justin was waiting for them in the lobby. Apparently he was still in the middle of the  music video shoot and couldn’t leave the building. "OH thank goodness Kuya JP, you found him!" Justin rushed over to them. "What happened? Where did you go?"</p><p>"He got bored and headed out to the park." JP answered for him. "Now you have to get back to your shoot before-" </p><p>"Jah!" an angry yell echoed through the lobby, scaring not only the three of them, but the receptionist as well.</p><p>They all turned and saw an angry Ken headed for them. "Ken, did you want something?"</p><p>"You!," Ken ignored JP's question and walked straight up to Justin.</p><p>"Where the hell have you been? We have a music video shoot that we need to get done because I have personal appointment in half an hour. Get your lazy ass upstairs!" Ken then was about to pass them but froze when Stell butt in, "You don't have to be so mean to him, it's my fault, he was worried about me."</p><p>"Don't get me started on all of the things wrong with you," Ken growled, turning on Stell. "How about I start with your ridiculous bright smile and-" </p><p>"That's enough," Justin interrupted, stepping between the two of them. </p><p>"No," Ken shoved them aside. And even though usually that wouldn’t have moved JP, the older man hadn’t been expecting it so he stumbled a few steps to the side.</p><p>Ken used this chance to keep going, "And that all you seem to do is eat, no wonder you're so freaking pudgy. And if we want to be here forever, I’d go into how stupid you must be-"</p><p> </p><p>"Ken!" JP had managed to step between the two again and pushed Ken a few steps back.</p><p>"Go back to your shoot. No one here wants to talk to you."</p><p>"Don't-" Ken dumbfounded and hurt inside.</p><p>"No!!," JP cut him off before shoving Ken again, "Get the hell out of here." Even if Ken debuted with SB19 earlier than PHP, they couldn't deny the fact that JP trained earlier and longer than Ken. To not let this get out of hand knowing JP is his senior, Ken let out a huff before turning on his heel and heading back to the elevators.</p><p>Justin let out a sigh, "I'd better be following him." Stell then watched Justin with a frown as he went over in the direction of the elevators as well, but opted to take the stairs instead.</p><p>Once Justin was out of sight, Stell turned to JP, "Shouldn’t you be heading to PHP?"</p><p>"I'm done for the day," JP replied. "But you know, what Ken said was a lie."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"There's nothing wrong with your smile, you're definitely not pudgy, you're something but not stupid, and you're so much more then a guy who just eats. You manage to get Sejun to smile sometimes and you always put a smile on my face just because yours is so bright. So how about you get that pout off of your face and we go get some food." </p><p>A smile broke out on to Stell's face. There was no wondering why JP was Sejun's best friend. He could be a complete idiot or funny at times, but he cared. </p><p>"I'm taking that as a yes," JP laughed, wrapped an arm around Stell"s shoulders, and lead him to the car.</p><p>-------------</p><p> </p><p>Ever since his little fight with Ken, Stell had been much more weary of the younger member of SB19. The kid just wouldn’t be nice to anyone. Stell missed the days where Ken would just go on and on about how cool Stell was. And even though at the time Stell had wanted to strangle him for never shutting up, it was better than the situation now.</p><p>A lot of things were that way now. As he watched his friends, he wished they'd go back to the time where they were enjoying themselves, even if he wasn’t enjoying himself. One of the things Stell wished would change back was Sejun's habit of being excited that he'll dance some random cute steps. How excited they were when ShowBT staffs would would go organized food trips or out of town and overnight for them.</p><p>It wasn’t that Sejun liked being alone, but back when Stell and Sejun lived together in Stell's time, Sejun would look forward to be with him. There'd be pulse pounding music blaring around with the melodies and tunes Sejun expertly cooked. And there, Stell happily accompany Sejun as free as they wanted with be. Sejun surely miss his groupmates and his family, but he'd also cherish their alone time. </p><p>Yet this morning when JP told Sejun that he had an on location shoot for his drama, Sejun whined, "I don't want you to leave." </p><p>"I have to," JP pointed out. "Besides, you have Stell here with you so you won't be alone." The pout on his face didn’t disappear, but it did lighten up. And for the rest of the day, that look stayed on Sejun's face, haunting Stell.</p><p>And that's how Stell found himself currently with JP, walking into a local club. "What are we doing here?" Stell asked, ignoring the uncomfortable eyes tracking his every move.</p><p>"I need to talk to you, but I also agreed to meet Josh here," JP replied as he winked at a random girl. </p><p>"So, I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone." Stell was confused, but made sure to stick close to JP. He was scared that if he was too far from JP, some predator would come and then he wouldn’t know what to do.</p><p>Once they got to a booth in the back, JP slid in, once again winking at a nearby girl. Stell sat across the table from JP, "So what do you need to talk about? And tell me why you couldn’t tell me back at the apartment."</p><p>"You don't seem like the kind of guy who would go to clubs, so I figured here would be more fun than at the apartment."</p><p>Stell saw no reason why JP would think clubs were fun when you only get surrounded by drunks, horny strangers who might possibly be on drugs. But JP was nice enough to take him there, so he wasn’t going to complain.</p><p>"Here's the deal," JP's face now carried a serious expression, "You're gonna have to keep a close watch on Sejun while I’m away. He gets lonely real easily, especially ever since his girlfriend broke up with him. She used to always come over when I was gone, and even though that was almost a year ago, he never really adjusted. Heck, the two had been together for three years so I don't blame him."</p><p>"Three years?" Stell was in shock, that information was definitely new.</p><p>"Yeah," JP sighed, "Until she just broke up with him. But that's not the point. The point is that I need you to watch him and try to keep him happy."</p><p>"Of course," Stell replied without a second thought. This was his Sejun, of course he would take care of him.</p><p>"Good." JP sighed, "Now that we have that covered, do you want anything from the bar?" "No thanks, I don't drink." Stell told JP. "No alcohol ever?" JP looked like Stell just announced that he was a SB19 member in disguise.</p><p>"Nope." Stell repeated as he lean back in his seat and watched as JP, who still looked to be shocked, go to the bar to get himself a drink. Stell sat quietly, smiling at the people who were nice enough to smile at him, but not doing much of anything else.</p><p>So when a tall, muscular man came to the table and sat down where JP had just been sitting, Stell was confused. "Can I help you?"</p><p>"Yes you can," the man looked Stell up and down with a smirk. "You can accompany me to the dance floor."</p><p>"No thank you." Stell replied before looking for JP by the bar.</p><p>"You waiting for someone?" The guy persisted. </p><p>"Yes, so please leave," Stell said as politely as possible."</p><p>"Awe, you know you don't want me to leave." the man leaned across the table.</p><p>"Oi, you, get the fuck out of my seat." An angry voice growled. Both Stell and the stranger turned to see Josh standing there, glaring fiercely. The stranger automatically got out of the seat and then ran off.</p><p>"You!," Josh growled at Stell, "You need to learn how to be more assertive. You’re just as bad as Justin."</p><p>"There's nothing wrong with Justin!" Stell pouted.</p><p>"Of course not," Josh rolled his eyes, "Where's JP?" </p><p>"At the bar," Stell replied quietly, not wanting to get the older man more angry since his anger was slowly fading away.</p><p>"And he left you here on your own?" Josh sat down in JP's seat. "What an idiot."</p><p>The next few minutes were spend in silence until JP came back from the bar, a beer in one hand and bottled water in the other. "JC~! You made it!"</p><p>"I can't believe you left him here on his own. Sejun and Justin would kill you if anything ever happened to him." Josh reprimanded. "You could have waited five minutes for me to get here."</p><p>JP ignored Josh and sat down next to him, sliding the bottled water over to Stell. Stell sighed and downed half of the bottle. This was going to be a long night.</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>The next morning, Stell was surprised to see JP up and about even though he had drank alcohol the previous night. Back when Stell existed, he remembered countless times in which JP crashed on Stell and Sejun's couch with a struggling hangover and would complain the entire next morning for hours on end. But not today. JP had gotten up early to pack and then proceeded to make Sejun and Stell breakfast.</p><p>But now, it was noon and while Sejun and Stell were at the agency, JP was long gone. “Are you okay?” Stell asked Sejun while the two made their way down the street. They were on their way to the nearby market to grab some takeout lunch.</p><p>“Why wouldn’t I be?” Sejun questioned before looking both ways and then crossing the street. Answering a question with a question when he was uncomfortable; this was definitely the same Sejun. </p><p>“Well, your best friend is gonna be away for a week while your other best friend is gonna be on vacation and won’t be back for a while.”</p><p>“I’m not sure what Josh and JP told you at the club last night, but I can stand being away from them.” Sejun defended, almost yelling at Stell.</p><p>When he noticed the hurt look on Stell's face, he sighed, “I’m sorry, but I’m just sick of those two worrying so much.”</p><p>“You should be happy you have people who’ll worry about you.” Stell reminded him. “Believe me, I know what it’s like to be totally alone, I’d much rather have Jah worrying over me constantly than no one there again.”</p><p>Sejun let out another sigh, “I’m sorry, and you’re right. But sometimes, I just wish that I wasn’t so much trouble for them.” Sejun then cleared his throat, uncomfortable, “I mean, so it’s lovely weather, don’t you think?” Stell ignored the question and watched his feet as he walked down the pavement.</p><p>They couldn’t have the heart to heart talks that they used to have. To Sejun who had been working most of the time that Stell was there, Stell was just some stranger who he met one day on the street and took in out of compassion. </p><p>For the rest of the day once they arrived back at the studio, Stell clung to Justin, needing the familiar feeling of belonging. He was sick of being the stranger that no one could confide in. He missed being a part of SB19.</p><p>But once it was time to go back to the apartment, Stell began to try and radiate positive energy. He had promised JP that he’d keep Sejun from feeling lonely, but now that it was time, Sejun wasn’t sure how to stop Sejun from feeling the same feeling that he was currently drowning in.</p><p>“So, what do you want to do?” Sejun asked after dinner as he sat down next to Stell on the couch. It was only 9 at night so they had time before they would crash. Stell looked around, the only thing he could spot that seemed interesting in the slightest was the wii or the television. And since he really never got into video games and knew that Sejun preferred Playstation to the wii, he sat back in his seat, “Let’s just watch television.”</p><p>“Alright,” Sejun grabbed the remote from off of the coffee table and turned it on. “You have any preferences?” Stell shook his head and made himself comfortable in the overstuffed cushions. He knows that Sejun likes to watch his old performances to see what he should have done better, but Sejun felt awkward when other people express the want to watch him while he’s in the room.</p><p>And from looking in the tv guide the day before, Stell knew that a SB19 music show guesting was currently on. “Do you mind if we watch that?” Sejun flipped the channel right. “Go ahead.” Stell smiled a little before turning his full attention to the television screen. During the first commercial, Sejun had gotten up while Stell stayed in place and laughed at the commercial with a talking dog that began to play.</p><p>It was about a minute later that he was distracted from the television due to a blanket being thrown over him. He turned to Sejun with a questioning look. “You looked cold.” Sejun answered the unasked question before getting under the blanket himself. Sure they were close, but no where near as close as Stell was used to. He could feel heat radiating off of the older man, but no physical contact was made whatsoever. Stell felt a blush rise to his cheeks. “Thanks.”</p><p>“You know something?” Sejun asked, ignoring the fact that their SB19 guesting had just come on again since the commercials were over. “I think you would have liked Ken a lot before everything happened.”</p><p>“You think?” Stell asked, even though he already knew he’d like Ken if he hadn’t become a diva. Heck, when Ken wasn’t a diva, he was confident with his oozing coolness not just in dancing but also in singing. Not complimenting Ken just because the two of them were bestfriends but that's the truth. Every fans they dearly called A'TIN without S in Stell's time would flail over Ken's voice even if the instagram stories are all in ceiling or curtain view.</p><p>Before I got caught up with his past that are now all imagination he saw Sejun nodded, “I really do. Ken was so sweet and cute, kinda like you are.” The blush on Stell's face seemed to get even darker, he felt like a high school girl in love for the first time.</p><p>This only made Sejun laugh, “Do you always blush like some berries when someone compliments you, or is it only me?”</p><p>Stell shrugged even though he really did know the answer. He only blushed for Sejun, but he couldn’t tell the older man that. “Well, it’s cute.” Sejun ruffled Stell's hair before turning back to the television.</p><p>Stell lean  back in his own seat, pulling the blanket up to his cheeks so Sejun wouldn’t be able to see his blush, and then slowly noticed that he was getting tired as more time went on. The last thing he could remember was falling asleep and dangerously leaning in Sejun's direction.</p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>Stell was awoken the next morning by the sound of a cell phone buzzing. Since JP was gone and Stell had no cell phone, he figured it would only be best to assume that it was Sejun's. But currently, Sejun was asleep on the couch, looking peaceful and calm. Stell sighed, he was so close to the man yet so far away. And even though he could remember dangerously leaning towards him in the first minutes of sleep, when he had woken up, each had their head on a different arm of the couch. </p><p>Ignoring that, Stell walked over to Sejun's cellphone on the counter in the kitchen and looked at the caller id. It was Justin.</p><p>“Hello?” “Kuya Lester?” Justin sounded confused. </p><p>“Yes it's me,” The boy replied with a yawn.</p><p>“Why are you answering Kuya Sejun's phone?”</p><p>“He’s asleep,” Stell replied, beginning to look through the fridge, maybe he’d make Sejun some pancakes this morning.</p><p>Justin sighed, “Can you wake him up? We have an interview in an hour.”</p><p>“What?!” Stell in shocked. Good thing it was always easy for him to wake up in the mornings.</p><p>“Thanks! Please hurry him up Kuya Lester.” Justin said before hanging up. If they only had an hour left, there was no way Sejun would be able to sit and have pancakes for breakfast.</p><p>Quickly, as to not waste time, Stell walked over to the couch and began to shake the sleeping man, “Sejun, Sejun, it’s time to wake up.”</p><p>“Eh?” Sejun's groggy voice filled the room and was then followed by a noisy yawn. “Five more minutes.”</p><p>“You only have an hour before your interview,” Stell informed him and kneeled next to the couch. He resisted the urge to wipe the man’s bangs aside and kiss his eyes open.</p><p>“But I’m tired.” Sejun informed him.</p><p>Stell chucked, “I know, but you shouldn’t have gone to bed so late if you knew you had an early interview.”</p><p>Sejun opened his eyes and pouted. “Not fair.”</p><p>“I know,” Stell couldn’t help it. He missed this whinny Sejun when he's sleepy. And by habit he did reach his hand out and ruffle Sejun's hair. “But it’s time to get up.”</p><p>“Sure.” Sejun yawned again before getting up and quickly heading for his room.</p><p>Stell sighed. He definitely missed the days where the first thing Sejun would do without fail was kiss him on the forehead and bid him a good morning.</p><p>“Stell, are you alright?” The man in questioned looked up and realized he was sitting at the floor, staring blankly at the coffee table.</p><p>“Oh yeah, I’m fine. Are you ready to go?”</p><p>“No, I actually have to take a shower first.” Sejun informed him. “But I just thought I’d bring some clothes out for you.”</p><p>Stell bowed slightly and took the clothes offered for him, “Thank you.”</p><p>“You know, it would be no hassle to JP and I to buy you clothes.” Sejun insisted for probably the hundredth time since Stell moved in.</p><p>“No, that’s alright,” Stell assured him, “I don’t want you to have to spend any more money on me then what’s necessary.”</p><p>Sejun kneeled next to Stell and ruffled his hair, “You know, it’s okay to let us help you. We like having you around.” Stell mentally cursed himself as he felt the blush rise up in his cheeks. He wasn’t sure if Sejun noticed it, but before long, Sejun went into the bathroom to shower.</p><p>With a heavy heart and a deep sigh, Stell laid out on the ground and stared at the ceiling. Sejun had been so close just now. Sure it wasn’t close enough for an accidental brush of the lips, but it was closer then he and Stell had ever been in this odd world where he had no past.</p><p>It had taken him seven months to finally confess to Sejun back when the two were just trainees, so now how was he supposed to go about doing anything? And to add to the misery of it all, he couldnt go to the one man he usually trusted with all his troubles.</p><p>Josh and Ken were now complete strangers with him, there was no remaining pieces of the buddies he called his best friends. The more Stell thought about it, the more Stell missed having his best friends around. He missed the Justin who would think that he conned Stell into taking him out to dinner when really, Stell never minded going out with him since it was always fun. He missed the Josh who used to make fun of him every time he blushed due to Sejun, even after they started dating. But mostly, he missed the Ken who would miss him after just a few days without seeing each other.</p><p>Stell almost laughed when he remembered the one time all seemed to have been out of town during Manila's quarantine. When he came back to the apartment they shared with the whole SB19, and found Ken sitting on the doorstep saying that Sejun had kicked him out. When Stell asked why, Ken said it was because he tried to sleep in their bed because it smelled like Stell. Now, any passing person especially Sejun would have thought that Ken was in love with Stell or something to miss him that badly. But that wasn’t true, Stell knew better. </p><p>The two had been close ever since the first day of Ken's training with them. He began to cling on to Stell when Ken was so thankful for his welcoming personality. It was just a normal best friend relationship until SB19's hiatus. When they had no fans and everyone else was on the verge of quitting, Stell was there to comfort them. He waited for them to return and sworn to believe more to each other's strengths and talents. He wanted all members to never really let go of their dreams.</p><p>Just before they started their Go Up era, he successfully convinced members with the help of Ken and gradually they’d all meet up for dancing lessons or karaoke or just to be near each other. They were now more like brothers, getting closer with less fights. They needed each other like they needed air. Without Stell, Ken knew he’d feel highly uncomfortable, even when he was in good terms with his mates.</p><p>Sure the older man could distract Ken's inhibitions, but Sejun was a their busy leader, serious with their music and many times had to leave Stell with their group. If they were in a classroom, Stell was sure he was Sejun's vice president. And with Josh's help they make sure Ken and Justin to not only feel alone in this group.</p><p>Stell's thoughts were getting sadder while waiting for the minute his lover finish his morning routine so he could get going with his day ahead. Probably not seeing the reason why Ken ended up with that grumpy attitude was the reason he felt hurt as of this reminiscing. </p><p> </p><p>“Stell! Are you hurt?” Stell heard Sejun run to his side.</p><p>Stell opened his eyes and looked up, confused at Sejun. “What?”</p><p>When Sejun was sure Stell wasn’t in pain, he instinctively hugged him, “What’s the matter?”</p><p>“Eh?” Stell clings on his arm.</p><p>“Why are you crying?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>note: </p><p>Trying to include PHP members was challenging because I only got to watch one vlog from them yet.</p><p>You might noticed when I mentioned SB19's members they were all having solo projects. Let's just say they are this popular. They can do gigs on their own. So their in their own radio show, members were scheduled to read fanletters or call fans every night. If it was a drama/movie, one member was chosen from audition. So their agency is more flexible I guess. To keep them more busy and to represent their group in other platforms.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Faded Memories Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When Sejun is on the verge of death, Stell makes a deal with a magical being to save his life. But in exchange, the being wipes out every single memory of Stell.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading this work!<br/>As a treat, fresh chapter coming up!</p><p>Tell me more about how you feel and what you think will happen? ^_^</p><p>i'm glad you welcomed this diva Ken in this au! hope you'll be satisfied on how things turn out.</p><p>Enjoy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After Sejun had caught the younger man crying, he never left Stell alone. It had been two days since then and Stell could honestly say that he was worried for him. Stell's life consisted of a few things, going to sleep, waking up, eating, staying at the agency, and watching television. Sejun began to wonder if it was all too boring for Stell. </p><p>But what Sejun didn’t know was that Stell didn’t care if his life was boring. He just wanted his best friends and his boyfriend to actually be his best friends and his boyfriend. So far, however, his boyfriend was just a guy who was sweet enough to take him in and his best friends, he didn’t even want to think about. </p><p> </p><p>Yet at the moment, Justin was supposed to take Stell home since Sejun had a recording to go to. However, the only SB19 or PHP person Sejun could find was the Ken Suson. Sejun began to debate whether he should just take Stell with him or trust the boy to walk back to the apartment.</p><p>It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Ken, it was just he didn’t trust Ken with someone as sweet as Stell. But before he really had a choice, their manager came in and dragged him out, not even allowing him to tell Stell the two options.</p><p>“Shouldn’t you be leaving with him?” Ken questioned harshly. Stell sighed, he didn’t want to deal with this Ken, but he knew that he had to fix SB19. And he also knew one of SB19's biggest problems was Ken. </p><p>“Why are you like this?”</p><p>“What?” Ken questioned, apparently very confused.</p><p>“You’re rude,” Stell pointed out. “You’re also mean, selfishly self centered and a bit of a jerk.”</p><p> </p><p> “And let me guess, you’re a saint? St. Vester?” Ken rolled his eyes. </p><p>Stell pouted, “I’m not a saint. Quit changing my name. I’m a human being, what about you?” </p><p>Ken turned his full attention to Stell with a glare, “I thought you were supposed to be this little ball of sunshine? Or is that just an act?” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m nice to people who are nice to me.” Stell pointed out. “But you’re not nice to anyone, are you?” A look of pity crossed the older man’s face, “Why not?”</p><p> “What the hell are you talking about?” Ken seemed to be really confused.</p><p>Stell walked over to Ken and pulled him into a quick hug and running inches away before Ken could even react. “I don’t think it’ll do either of us any good if I’m mean to you and you’re mean to me. So, I’ve decided to be nice to you instead.” </p><p>“Okay, let me get this straight,” Ken seemed purely confused.<br/>
“I’m mean.”</p><p>Stell nodded. </p><p>“You are deciding to be nice to me?” </p><p>Stell nodded again with that bright smile. </p><p>“And how is this supposed to help you?” </p><p> </p><p>“It's not for me, it's to help you because you need a friend, too.” Stell pointed out before the door opened and Josh came running in. </p><p> </p><p>“Stell!” the charismatic member shouted as he grabbed Stell and pulled him away from Ken as if the younger member of SB19 would have killed him.</p><p>He quickly checked Stell over, “Are you okay?”</p><p>“Of course,” Stell broke free of Josh's hold, “I don’t see a reason why I wouldn’t be.” </p><p>“Okay,” Josh gave Ken a suspicious look. “Well, Justin was supposed to take you home tonight but he's recording with Sejun so I’ll take you back to your apartment. So are you ready to go?” </p><p>“One moment.” Stell held up a single finger before he walked over to Ken. “Well, I have to go home now, but I hope to see you tomorrow.” He then quickly hugged Ken before dragging Josh out of the room. </p><p> </p><p>“So, what was that?” Josh asked as he drove Stell to the apartment. </p><p>“A hug,” Stell replied innocently. </p><p>Josh looked over at him when they came up to a red light. “So what's with you hugging Ken all of a sudden.” he said uncomfortably as if the thought of anyone hugging Ken was unbearable. </p><p>“I think that everyone needs to be nicer to him,” Stell informed him, though not looking towards Josh because he still loved Ken and he didn’t want to see Josh look at Ken with disgust as they shouldn’t have been closefriends. </p><p>“Why?!” Josh asked with a small amount of anger in his voice and eyes.</p><p>“He’s a person, and no one deserves to be shunned by the people he has to work with. Besides, if he’s like this because people were so mean to him while he was a trainee, how does being mean to him help anything?”</p><p> </p><p>Josh stayed quiet for most of the ride home, unable to think of an answer to Stell's question.</p><p> </p><p>And even though Josh felt kind of bad for lashing out at Stell like that, he somewhat understood Stell's instincts to protect his former best friend. “I’m sorry for raising my voice,” Josh said once they pulled up to the apartment building.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry for imposing much but I'm not sorry for what I said. I think somewhere deep down is a scared young kid.”</p><p>“What would make you think that?” Josh just had to know. Ever since he met Ken all those years ago, he barely recall now how close he was with Ken before. What he vividly remember was how he proudly introduced him to fellow trainees as one of his recruit. He knew Ken will be one of the perfect talents in their agency. </p><p>But on their journey, bitter trainees got a way in their evaluation and friendship. Most accused them that they were getting favors from mentors and that both agitated the duo. Some couldn't take that Ken with short training days might surpass those who dedicated months or years. With the pressure and stress combined they gave in with the chaos. Thankfully the management knew nothing happened behind the trainings. </p><p>Eventually Ken shut off his mates and treated everyone as rivals. Sejun and Josh's fellow senior trainees seemed to think if there was any good in the kid with that grumpy attitude. Josh was badly hurt too because he knew how kind hearted their Ken. Also Josh may seem confident but he's battling with his insecurities too. They might be similar in that ever since.</p><p>Great thing their hardwork paid off. The workshops and coaching made their talents at par. Sejun, Josh, Ken and Justin were chosen as agency's high calibre team that captivated every fans heart. He just felt bad deep inside right now that those fans and bosses who trusted them are now witnessing their petty quarrels just because he can't stand Ken's diva attitude. And Josh is disappointed with himself for getting things out of hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Hope!" Stell interrupted his thoughts. "And because if someone had been there for him when he was getting picked on, I just know he’d be so different from what he is today.” he quietly whispered as he got out of the car. “Thanks for the ride.” </p><p>“You're welcome,” Josh replied unconsciously. His mind was too busy trying to comprehend what Stell just said.</p><p>Stell smiled as he watched Josh's car drive away. This was only the start of turning this look-a-like into the real Ken Suson. </p><p>------------ </p><p> </p><p>“Shut the hell up!” An angry voice had echoed through the hallway as Stell slowly approached SB19's room. He knew that familiar yell. It was Josh.</p><p> </p><p>“Why should I?” a yell Stell still wasn’t used to replied to Josh's anger. That was Ken's voice. Then there was a large thump. Stell hurriedly ran over to the room and barged to see Ken and Josh fighting on the ground. There was already blood trickling from Ken's nose and Josh had a dark red ring around one of his eyes. </p><p>“I hate you!” Josh yelled before sending a hard punch that made a sickening sound against Ken's jaw.</p><p>“Felip!” Stell unconsciously called out before running over and throwing Josh off of Ken. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Ken looked up at him confused, “What did you call me?”</p><p>“What the hell?” Josh rubbed his shoulder. He had hit it against the wall when Stell threw him off of Ken. </p><p>“You guys shouldn’t be fighting!” Stell yelled at the two. “What if you get suspended?” </p><p>“Then at least I won’t have to see his face so much.” Josh growled. </p><p> </p><p>“I’d rather be suspended then have to spend another minute with a midget like you!” Ken screamed and then ran from the room. </p><p>Stell looked at Josh, completely lost. He had done his research, in this warped world they still experienced hiatus, so why could these two actually think suspension was anything but horrible. “How can you talk about suspension so lightly?” </p><p>“Huh?” Josh looked up at him, anger still in his eyes. </p><p>“How can you think that there’s any good in your career to afford a suspension?” Stell yelled. He didn’t care that Josh thought that he was just some homeless guy who Sejun and JP were stupid enough to take in. “Do you remember when you first lost a groupmate?” </p><p>Josh looked up at him shocked. No one outside of SB19 and ShowBT knew about their previous members. SB19 were going through a rough patch of losing three extra members. It was harder to come to the studio alone every time they were unsure of their spots even though they were already debuted. </p><p>“What the hell are you talking about?” </p><p>“You know what I’m talking about!” Stell sighed, “So why are you able to talk so casually when it comes to a suspension?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because that kid’s just a spoiled brat!” Josh defended himself. </p><p>“But by being irritable to him, are you really being any better?” Stell sat on the couch and put his head in his hands. This was not how he was supposed to ease Josh into being nicer to Ken. </p><p>“Why is he still my responsibility when he’s the selfish one?” Josh questioned before leaving the room. </p><p>Stell sighed, he most definitely just pissed Josh off, and when Josh was pissed off, life was hell for everyone who crossed his path. But then Stell remembered that Ken ran off so the angered Josh would have to wait. </p><p> </p><p>Though he knew this Ken may not have found the spot Stell and Ken had found back when they were trainees, Stell figured the best place to start looking was a dance studio on the top floor of the agency that no one seemed to use anymore since it was so far out of the way. Surprisingly, Ken was sitting there, checking his new wounds in one of the mirrors. He grimaced as he noticed that he had a split lip. </p><p>Without speaking a word, Stell made his way around the floor until he found a cup that he put warm water in and a clean towel. The then entered the room Ken was in and walked right up to him, “You should really clean those.” </p><p>Ken looked at Stell through the mirror, “Why? Battle scars look cool.” </p><p>“But you’re an idol, scars are repulsive on a face as nice as yours.” Stell smiled in a way that he hoped was encouraging. He also had used a soft voice, hoping it would soften Ken, even if it was just a little bit. </p><p>“Are you coming onto me?” Ken questioned looking Stell up and down “You’re not my type so it doesn’t matter anyways. Plus I’m not into guys.” </p><p>Stell rolled his eyes, but then took a deep breath to calm himself. He wasn’t going to get mad at this boy, he was going to help him. “I’m not coming onto you, I’m already in love with someone.” And right when the words came out, Stell froze up. </p><p>“So if you’re not coming onto me, then what’s going on here?” Ken questioned. </p><p>With a sigh in relief, Stell realized that this Ken didn’t care if he was in love because Ken didn’t care about him. “I’m just trying to be nice.” </p><p> </p><p>Ken turned towards Stell, and without a word, took the cloth, dipped it in the water, and began to clean up the blood from his wounds. He didn’t speak a word and didn’t even look at Stell. The only indication that he knew Stell was there was when he occasionally dipped the paper towel into the water. </p><p>But Stell didn’t care, Ken would talk when he was ready. Even if he was not the same from Stell's memories, Stell was absolutely positive Ken needed positive attention in some shape. He wasn’t sure where it was coming from currently, or if he was even getting attention, but Stell knew he’d fix this. He had to protect his best friends. </p><p>---------------- </p><p> </p><p>“I'm home!” JP called throughout the house when he came home from his on location shoot. He had been away all week and was skeptical if Stell had kept his promise. </p><p>“Hey JP,” Sejun smiled as the older man came into the living room. JP smiled, Sejun didn’t look as sad as he usually did when JP left. </p><p>“I’m so happy to be back.” </p><p>“Well,” Sejun stood up and grabbed a bag, “I have a taping to get to, I just wanted to be here when you got home. Stell's on the balcony staring out at the lights on the buildings. He still needs to be fed and maybe have him take a shower, we got rained on while out in the park.” </p><p>“Wow, I feel like I’m babysitting.” JP joked before giving Sejun a safe hug, “Stay safe.” </p><p>“Yes mom,” Sejun rolled his eyes and left the apartment. </p><p>JP was about to go out to the balcony, but instead, he received a phone. “Hello?” </p><p>“JP!” it was so obviously a drunken Josh on the other end of the line. “Put it on the phone.” </p><p>“It?” JP was confused. </p><p> </p><p>“The it that always eats.” Josh clarified, “That Mr. Sunshine, put it on the phone!” </p><p>“Ha?” JP was still very much confused. </p><p>“Hakdog! The homeless~!” Josh seemed to be getting agitated. </p><p>Figuring that Josh meant Stell, JP walked out to the balcony, and just as Sejun had said, the younger one was staring out at the bright lights of city. </p><p>“Hey kid! I'm back!! but before that, I think Josh wants to talk to you.”</p><p>Stell turned around confused, but accepted the phone, “Hello.” </p><p>“Youu!” Josh slurred, “Ajero. I think you were right!” “...?” “I shouldn’t have said those things-“ he hiccupped. “But you know what, I’m starting to wonder... why I’m even in this industry.... Don’t you think a nice year old suspension would be nice? I could travel the world! And I could plaaaaayy all I waaaant~!” </p><p>“Josh, are you drunk?” Stell asked quietly. </p><p>“How’d you know?!” Josh hiccupped again. </p><p>“Where are you?” Stell asked. </p><p> </p><p>Once Josh told him the exact bar, Stell hung up and asked JP to take him out there to retrieve the drunken man. </p><p>“JP~! Ajerooo! What are you doing here?” a drunken Josh yelled over the entire bar once they arrive. “How’d you find me? Was it my scent?” </p><p>“No Josh,” Stell shifted awkwardly, he didn’t like bars, “You told me where you were, remember?” </p><p>“No!!,” Josh stared off into space. He then turned back to Stell, “Did you see that Pacquiao guy’s match? ... I went home after fighting Ken and bam! There it was right on the television!!!! It was a funny show that made me want to drink a lot, so I did! But-- but it was so funny~,” Josh began to laugh, a lot, </p><p> </p><p>“You are totally getting high off the liquor! haha! Just about how many glasses have you had? How many fingers do I have?” JP bombarded him with questions and lifted his hands up for Josh to count them.</p><p> </p><p>“Nineteen!!!.” Josh replied, then hit JP on the head. “Aww!” JP pouted.</p><p>But then he focused on Stell again, “Y-you know what means?! That's 8 plus 2 plus 6 plus 3 oookaay??” </p><p>Stell sat down next to Josh, remembering what the older man had said on the phone. “Josh, what do you mean you might not want to be in the industry.” </p><p>Josh yawned, “... I’m tired of being herded like a sheep back and forth and back and forth. Besides, what if I’m not around? ... What if.... something happens here... while I’m there? Or the other way around? It’s stressful.” </p><p> </p><p>Stell then watched as Josh laid his head on JP's arms that sat comfortably on the bar. </p><p>Subconsciously, Stell reached his hand out and began to run his fingers through Josh's hair. The older man yawned before a content smile came over his face. </p><p>“We should take him home,” JP said, standing up once Josh had drifted off to sleep. </p><p> </p><p>“Uhm, JP,” Stell said quietly, not moving, “What would you do if you were away and something happened?” </p><p>“Hurry home,” JP answered instantly as he put Josh on his back. “How about you?” </p><p>Stell wanted to tell JP that it already happened. He had been away and all of his most beloved had fallen out of place. And the longer he was here, the more knew this was far from home, the more he felt like he couldn’t do anything. He thought he had helped Ken earlier after the fight. However, Ken was still rude and Josh was drunk. </p><p>“You don’t have to answer.” JP said, bringing Stell out of his thoughts. </p><p>“I have an answer,” Stell replied quietly as they left the bar, “I’d come back and try my best to make them happy.” </p><p> </p><p> ----------------</p><p> </p><p>“You just go ahead up now, I’ll come soon,” JP instructed Stell as he took out his phone and answered the call from his manager. </p><p>Stell nodded to the older man before he grabbed the keys from JP and then took a few of the bags from the trunk of the car and headed upstairs. The two had just come back from shopping for clothes. Yes, JP had finally convinced Stell to let him buy him clothes. </p><p>Today had been a really great day. When Stell woke up, breakfast had been waiting and JP had been in a really good mood since he had the day off. Then, the two headed out bright an early for the most trendy stores. And once Stell realized he didn’t want to shop in those expensive stores, they went to a few second hand stores and JP was amazed at the cool clothes that Stell had found. </p><p>On his way up the elevator, Stell looked through the bags he had with him. He picked out one of the shirts he liked best and admired it until he reached the right floor. When he did, he put the shirt back into the bag and headed for the apartment. He quickly put the keys into the keyhole and unlocked the door. Just like every other time he took his shoes off and headed deeper into the apartment. </p><p>However, when he reached the living room, he froze, dropping his bags and JP’s keys. Startled by the sound, Sejun stopped what he was doing and looked up in surprise. “Oh, hi Stell. You and JP are already back?” </p><p> </p><p>But Stell couldn’t talk, it was hard enough to breathe.</p><p>So, the girl Sejun had been cuddling with in the living room smiled, “So you’re Stell? My Sejun talks about you all the time.” </p><p>“I, uh,” Stell backed up, gave a polite bow, and then ran from the apartment. </p><p>Of course Sejun would still have a romantic life, if anything, Stell not being there gave him much more of a reason to have a romantic life. By the time Stell had reached the ground floor and ran out to JP’s car, the older man wasn’t there. Stell quickly wiped the tears streaking down his face and instinctively ran to the one place he thought would be best. </p><p>He should have known better than to think Sejun was alone without Stell. Stell recalled their first kiss, their first date, their first anniversary, their first time together, and the last time that they kissed before Sejun's accident. But all of that was most definitely gone. </p><p> </p><p>Once Stell got to the familiar door of SB19's dorm in Stell's time, he began to bang on it until a very flustered Ken answered it with a yawn. “What the hell are you doing here? How do you know where I live?” </p><p> </p><p>Stell froze, remembering that this Ken wasn’t his best friend. If anything, the reality brought only more tears. He had just watched the love of his life hugging some girl, and his best friends were no where to be found. </p><p>“Hey, don’t cry,” Ken said in a demanding voice. When he realized his neighbors began to peek their heads out of their apartments in interest, Ken reached out and pulled Stell into his apartment. </p><p>“I’m-“ Stell hiccupped, “I’m sorry. I forgot.” </p><p>“Forgot what?” Ken raised an eyebrow. </p><p>“I forgot you don’t like me,” Stell sank down to his knees, as much as he tried to stop himself and try to stop the tears, he couldn’t. All of the feelings of loneliness and sadness that he bottled up began to overflow since he saw Sejun with that girl. </p><p>“I forgot that I don’t belong here, that I don’t exist. I think I just forgot everything.” </p><p> </p><p>Ken looked around, as if wishing Justin would pop out at any moment and take care of the crying man. But when Justin never came, he kneeled next to Stell, “Don’t cry, what happened to all of your smiles?” </p><p>But instead of stopping or smiling, Stell reached over and began to cry into Ken's shoulder, wrapping his arms around the younger man. Ken seemed to tense up under the unwanted hug, but he couldn’t stay heartless for long. Sure Ken didn’t like many people, but people like Stell only came once in a lifetime. The man was not like anybody else he met, everyone else just got sick of his attitude and left him alone, but to Ken, he’d rather be left alone then made fun of. </p><p>Not sure what he was doing, Ken slowly wrapped his arms around Stell and began to rub soothing circles on the man’s back, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong, but, uh, it’ll get better. Doesn’t it always get better?” </p><p>Stell nodded his head into Ken's shoulder, and it made Ken smile. Human contact wasn’t something he got often, but being close to Stell felt right. “Do you want to go over to the couch where it’s more comfortable?” Ken wondered, he still didn’t know what to do exactly, but it seemed liked they’d get uncomfortable if they stayed on the floor. </p><p>“Okay,” Stell sat back and wiped his eyes. He then let Ken help him up and followed the younger man to the overstuffed couch. </p><p>Once they sat down, Stell wiped his eyes again, “I’m sorry.” </p><p>“You know what?” Ken sat down next to Stell, “Don’t be sorry.” </p><p>“Huh?” Stell looked over, confused. </p><p>“You. don’t. have. to. be. sorry.” Ken repeated. He then added shyly, “I actually have a free day today if you want to stay longer.” </p><p>As Stell looked over at Ken, he couldn’t miss the loneliness in the younger man’s eyes. “I won’t if you don’t want me to.” Ken rubbed the back of his neck as if he was uncomfortable, “Well, if you want to leave you can leave. But if you wanna stay, then please, stay.” </p><p>“Ken,” Stell took a deep breath, “If I cry again, you won’t kick me out, right?” </p><p>“Of course not,” Ken said as he turned towards Stell and opened his arms out wide. Stell wanted to trust Ken's words, after all he is with SB19's Lie Detector MVP.</p><p> </p><p>Overwhelmed by the sadness in his heart due to Sejun, but the happiness that filled him since Ken seemed to accept him, Stell was sent to tears again. The happy ones mixing with the sad ones, but all of them being caught by Ken's shirt as Stell leaned in close and held on tight incase Ken tried to run off. </p><p>“Shh,” Ken ran a comforting hand through Stell's soft hair, “It’ll get better.” </p><p> </p><p>--------- </p><p> </p><p>“So what happened?” Ken couldn’t help but ask after Stell had stopped crying. </p><p>“It’s complicated.” Stell rubbed his eyes with a yawn, running to Ken's apartment had taken a lot out of him.</p><p>Ken rubbed the back of his neck. It was still a little awkward being open with someone, but it just seemed impossible to turn away the man in front of him. “Well, tell me anyways.” </p><p>Stell looked up and saw Ken giving him an awkward smile. But when Stell looked deep into Ken's eyes, he could tell his old best friend was trying his best to be comforting. “Uh, well, the guy I’m madly in love with was, I mean, I caught him cuddling with a girl.” </p><p>“That doesn’t seem too complicated.” Ken pointed out. </p><p>It was now Stell's turn to be awkward “I’m in love with Sejun.” </p><p>“Ha?” Ken's eyes widened. “You’re in love with Sejun?!” </p><p>“Yeah,” Stell replied quietly, looking everywhere but at Ken. </p><p>Ken, noting the awkward tension, blurted out, “I used to like him, so you’re not the only one.” </p><p>“Huh?” Stell turned back to Ken and smiled, this Ken look up Sejun, too? </p><p>“Yeah, back when I was a junior trainee.” Ken admitted with a blush on his face, “I used to idolize him. He was so cool, but I was just a potato kid. They even baited me to pull a prank on him. That was too awkward!” </p><p> </p><p>“You weren’t that awkward,” Stell said before he could think and then added, “I bet.” </p><p>“No, I really, really was,” Ken laughed at the memory. He then froze, he hadn’t really talked about his training months with anybody. Everybody had just been so mean since Ken came in looking the way he did. No one had really cared about his voice except for Sejun, Sir Robin and the other bosses at the top. Everyone his own age thought he was just a dance geek. Plus, they thought he was too stupid or plain and innocent to be a performer. </p><p> </p><p>“I bet you were just awkward and cute, just like every other teenager around the world,” Stell comforted his best friend. </p><p>Ken laughed, “How awkward were you when you were a kid?” </p><p>Stell sighed and thought for a moment, when he was in that awkward age, he had always felt better since he had a best friend who he knew wouldn’t abandon him. Plus he had his family, especially his younger sister who could always make him feel better. He then laughed as he thought back, “When I was hitting that awkward age, there was this charismatic kid who I didn’t even know came up to me and started talking to me. And after that, he and his awkward pa-cool friend rarely let me out of their sight.” </p><p>“Wait,” Ken made himself comfortable on the couch, “This small kid just came up to you and started talking and the other one just clinging to you? Isn’t that a little weird?” </p><p>Stell laughed some more, “Not at all. They were my best friends in the entire world.” </p><p>Ken was intrigued, “What happened to them?” </p><p>“Uh,” Stell sighed uncomfortably, “They moved on to bigger and better things I guess.” </p><p> </p><p>The two of them stayed on the couch laughing for another hour until Ken realized something. “Wait a minute, you said that you caught Sejun getting lovey dovey with someone and you ran. Do they know where you are? I mean, him and JP seem really over protective of you.” </p><p>“They don’t know where I am,” Stell admitted. </p><p>Then Ken immediately took out his phone, “I’m gonna call them, just so they don’t freak out.” </p><p>“What is it Ken?” Sejun sounded irritated, “I'm busy right now and besides we have the day off, I don’t feel like listening to you complain all day.” </p><p>“I just wanted to tell you Teytey is here,” Ken gasped slightly when he realized that he used an unusual nickname. However, in the background, Stell's smile brightened when he called him that. It had been his bestfriend Ken who always call him that name in their office. </p><p>“What’s he doing there?” Sejun seemed even more worried now, “What did you do?”</p><p>Ken rolled his eyes at nothing in particular, “I didn’t do anything.”</p><p>“Give him the phone.”</p><p>“Here you go,” Ken handed Stell the phone. </p><p>“Hello?” Stell asked curiously. </p><p>“Thank goodness you’re okay,” Sejun sighed in relief, “I’ll be over in a few minutes to pick you up, okay?” </p><p>“No!” Stell automatically said. “I want to stay here.” </p><p>“How’d you get there in the first place?” </p><p>“It doesn’t matter,” Stell sighed, he was angry at Sejun, that was the man who had crushed him without knowing it. “I am having a great time at Ken's so I think I’m gonna stay here for a while. Don’t worry, I know how to get back. Bye.” And then, Stell hung up. </p><p>When Stell handed the phone back to Ken, he noticed a bright smile on the younger man’s face. “Thanks Teytey, I mean Stell, thanks for standing up for me.” </p><p>“Anytime.” Stell said sincerely, “And you can call me Teytey... And, I know it’s weird but, can I call you Felip?”</p><p>Ken looked to be in deep thought before he asked, “Isn’t that what you called me during the fight? How did you know my real name, you were homeless right? Oh well, I guess that's how famous we are no? That doesn’t matter, you can. If it were anyone else, I’d say no, but I like you.” </p><p>“Thanks, Felip,” Stell said, resisting the urge to hug him. </p><p>“Anytime,” Ken replied, “Teytey.” </p><p>“Uhm, Felip, do you have a piano?” Stell couldn’t help but ask. </p><p>Ken nodded, “There’s an electric piano in my room, why?” </p><p>“Come on,” Stell grabbed Ken's hand before he pulled him into the music room. </p><p> </p><p>------------------ </p><p> </p><p>“What do you think happened?” Josh asked Justin as the two of them, along with Sejun sat on one side of the room, observing Stell and Ken who were laughing on the other side of the room. </p><p>“Maybe it’s a look a like,” Justin suggested. “Or he was abducted by aliens and they brainwashed him.”</p><p>Josh glared at his best friend, "Are you stupid?” </p><p>He then turned towards Sejun, “But please, explain again what happened yesterday.” </p><p>“Okay,” Sejun sighed as the two with him turned towards him, giving him their full attention, “So I was at home with a girl. Stell came home, got flustered, and then he ran off. After about an hour, JP and I got concerned and began to call around and we got a call from Ken saying Stell was with him. Obviously I got concerned, but Stell wanted to stay there, and, he even spent the night.” </p><p>A laugh from the other side of the room made them all look up and they all saw Ken roaring with laughter while Stell was smiling brighter then he had in a while.</p><p>Sejun pouted, “Do you think Stell likes Ken more than me?” </p><p>Josh reached over and pat him over the head, “This is not the time for that.”</p><p>Sejun sat back and watched as Ken and Stell kept their so called vocalizationism going. He wasn’t sure why, but he was somewhat pissed off. </p><p>It was just a few days ago that Stell's face would light up when he walked into the room so what made Ken seem so good? </p><p>“So how much longer is your break?” the group of three could hear Stell ask Ken. </p><p>“Half an hour,” Ken replied. </p><p>The three watched in horror as Stell stood up, grabbed Ken's hand, and then pulled the younger man out of the room. </p><p>“We should follow them!” Sejun pointed out as he jumped to his feet. </p><p>“Hoy po!” Justin grabbed the back of the shirt and stopped Sejun from running. “They seem happy, let them play.” </p><p>“Play?” Josh scoffed. </p><p>“What are they, five year olds?” Sejun still curious.</p><p>“We’ll have Stell brainwash and tame our leader next,” Justin joked to Josh, who couldn’t help but giggle. “Good idea.” </p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, just a few doors down Ken and Stell were laughing, messing around with the piano. Stell had debated teaching Ken a SB19 song of Stell's time, but he wasn’t sure what song he’d chose. It seemed weird if they were to start off with the song that they put their dreamful soul out, or a song about the quarantine and dedicated to frontliners. </p><p>The day prior, he had asked Ken to teach him some of today's SB19 songs just for the fun of it since he missed singing with his best friend. But now, he really missed the songs that were meant for just the five of them. The song that what made them stand apart from the sexy unit and it made them closer than the funny boy group. </p><p>“Hmm, Teytey, are you alright?” Ken asked when he noticed how silent his friend had become. </p><p>“It’s nothing,” Stell shook his head, trying to clear his head. </p><p>“Tell me,” Ken sat beside Stell down on the piano bench. </p><p>Stell shook his head again before laying it on the piano keys, making a loud sound of random notes, “It’s alright, it’s nothing really.”</p><p>“Tell me,” Ken pulled on Stell's sleeve, “If there’s nothing I can do for you, it makes me sad.” </p><p>“Huh?” </p><p>“I said if there’s nothing I can do for you, it makes me sad.” </p><p>A smile made its way onto Stell's face, "Do you have any paper?” </p><p>“Why?” Ken was confused at the sudden change of topic.</p><p>Stell rolled his eyes and searched around the room until he found a pen and a flyer for some party that was a few weeks ago. He then began to write the lyrics that were ever imprinted in his brain while Ken kept trying to read it over his shoulder. </p><p>When Stell finished, he held the paper up in triumph, only to have it stolen by Ken, “What is this?” He then began to read it, “Is it a song?” </p><p>“Yes!” Stell smiled. He was pretty sure it was illegal to steal a song written by other people, but this song didn’t exist in this time, besides this was their song so Stell figured that it was alright.</p><p>“Can I learn it?” Ken asked excitedly, “Please!” </p><p>"Of course!" Stell nodded enthusiastically. “Only, I’m not sure I remember the notes.” </p><p>Ken gave him a comforting smile, “Then we’ll figure them out as we go. I mean, we have a piano right here?” </p><p>“You’re really smart, Felip!” Stell smiled, taking the paper back, “Now let’s see, you can have this line, and this line, that’s my line...” </p><p>And from the doorway, three very confused SB19 members sat in silence. </p><p>From afar they could hear and Ken's voice and Stell blending with his, <em>"Siguro nga'y nararapat na ika'y limutin na. Pag-ibig ko'y isang hangin na 'di mo nadarama. Di na dapat tumitig pa sa 'yong mga mata pagkat ikaw pa rin ang nakikita. Tanging pag-asa ko'y biglang naglaho, ngunit pag-ibig ko'y di nawala."</em></p><p>
  <em>"At kahit na ang mundo ay mag-iba, ako'y laging nandito. 'Di man ako para sa 'yo puso'y hindi magbabago. Walang iba, wala nang hahanapin pa. Pag-ibig ko'y sa iyo hanggang sa huli"</em>
</p><p>Once they pulled away, they all looked between each other and Justin asked, “Do you think we were all too mean to Ken in the beginning?”</p><p>“He started it,” Josh pointed out. “He secluded himself then turned into a diva when we debuted.” </p><p>“But there’s proof right there that we didn’t have to be mean back then. Things would probably be better.” Sejun pointed out. </p><p>Josh glared at Sejun, “Are you blaming me?” </p><p>“No, I was just saying-“  Sejun defended.</p><p>“Kuya Josh,” Justin poked Josh in the cheek, “We were all mean to him in the beginning, well, minus our previous members because they were too nice or they'd be gone too soon. But you, me and Sejun as we pretty much endured long years together, we were still all pretty mean and let him be that guy. Maybe it’s time we try to be nicer.” </p><p>“Or maybe it’s time he should,” Josh checked his phone when it beep and let out a sigh of relief, “I’ll be in a variety show shoot for the next week. See you guys.” And with that, Josh walked off.</p><p> </p><p>----------- </p><p> </p><p>“What are you pouting at?” JP asked Sejun as they drove home. Sejun was in the passenger seat brooding, and Stell was sleeping peacefully in the back seat. It had been a long day. </p><p>“It’s nothing,” Sejun lied. JP didn’t even have to say anything for Sejun to continue, “It’s just, a week ago Stell was someone scared of the our group and Justin still had to run interference whenever Josh and Ken were in a room together. Yet, in just a day Stell and Ken went from being strangers to being best friends.”</p><p>“It’s nice some people can remain that innocent, watcha think?” JP asked, not getting the point of what Sejun was saying. </p><p>In return, Sejun cringe on his slang and turned into a glare, “Are you saying that the rest of us are arrogant?” </p><p>“Not at all,” JP laughed, “I’m just saying that it’s great that they can be friends so easily. Now they’re friends, so why are you brooding?” </p><p> </p><p>“They’re singing together.” Sejun sulked. “You remember how I told you that he was singing when I first met him? Well, it made me feel special that even if he got along with everyone, I was the only one who heard him sing. The song back then made my heart itch. Now Ken is not only listening to him sing, but he’s singing WITH him. And all the same, just like last time his lyrics, I'm feeling something about it.” </p><p>JP looked over at Sejun, “Why are you jealous of Ken?”</p><p>“I’m not!” Sejun reached over and hit JP, causing him to swerve slightly. It wasn’t enough to cause an accident, but it was enough to wake up Stell. </p><p>“Are we home?” Stell yawned and stretched out. </p><p>“Not yet,” JP couldn’t help but chuckle seeing Stell's hair was all disheveled and he had a small streak of drool down his chin. “Wipe your chin.” </p><p>Stell did as told and then looked around. “So, what are we talking about?” </p><p>“Your new friendship with Ken.” JP replied. </p><p>“Isn’t it great!” Stell perked up, “He’s a really nice guy!” </p><p>Sejun sighed, “So, you guys are trying to singing together now?” </p><p>“Yes!” Stell smiled, “Sejun! when we finish everything, will you be the first person to listen to our song?” </p><p>Sejun turned around, “You want me to listen to your song?” </p><p>“Of course!” Stell said. Deep inside Stell's wondering if it is possible for them- four of SB19 and with his guidance to make their special song in this time.</p><p>“Of course I’ll listen to your song!” Sejun leaned back and ruffled Stell's hair. When he settled himself, he felt his phone buzz and laughed when he saw the message from JP. </p><p>[ Jealous now? ]</p><p> </p><p>------ </p><p> </p><p>The next morning, Sejun woke up early for some reason he couldn’t understand. But he just ignored it and headed to the kitchen. It was while he was passing the couch in the living room that he heard Stell saying something.</p><p>“What?” He asked, leaning over the couch. However, the younger man was asleep and muttering with a pout on his face and sweat streaking down his face.</p><p>“Hey, Stell, wake up!” But obviously that didn’t work. When Sejun began to shake him he didn’t wake up, but his mutterings began to turn into words. </p><p>“No, don’t die,” Stell pleaded. </p><p>“Who’s dying?” Sejun shook harder, “Stell it’s just a dream.” </p><p>“Don’t!” Stell squirmed, “Don’t leave me! I love you! I don’t want him to die! Josh, I don’t want him to die!” </p><p>“STELL!!” Sejun gave one last yell that woke the younger man up. </p><p>Stell immediately sat up, breathing hard as if he had just ran a marathon. He looked around, and when he spotted Sejun, he reached out and pulled the older man into a tight hug. </p><p>“Stell?” Sejun asked quietly. </p><p>But Stell didn’t reply, he just let out a chocked sob. It was all he could do. He was too distressed from his dream because in the nightmare he had just experienced, Sejun was on the verge of death again this time. And no matter how hard he pleaded, this time there was no creature to make a deal with, Sejun was dying and there was nothing that he could do to save the man he loved. </p><p>“Shh,” Sejun lightly cooed and ran his hand up and down on Stell's back comfortingly. “It’ll be okay, it was just a dream.” </p><p>Just a dream? Stell wanted to yell and shout that it wasn’t a dream, that it was his reality. But he couldn’t do that, so he just held on tighter. Not sure what to do, Sejun began to sing the first thing that came into his mind. He began to sing an impromptu song, that surprised Stell he knew this did not exist on this time. <em>"Wag mong ikunot ang 'yong noo nandito ang kaibigan mo. Upang samahan ka sa malungkot na panahon at masiyahan. Tumingin ka sa paligid mo, kaming lahat ay nandito. Hindi ka na mag-iisa kami ay kaibigan mo."</em></p><p>And by the time Sejun had stopped singing, Stell was asleep, still holding him tightly, almost as if Sejun would disappear if he let go.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>note: Supposed on this au that on Stell's time, SB19 is seven members before they debuted with 5 talents. So the warped world will still be formerly seven then ended up with 4? That's maybe how saddening their dynamics this time.</p><p>Funny how I inserted SB19's song right? I guess I'm still not over a certain musical. Wouldn't it be great if SB19's song will be on a musical? For now, I badly need Sinong Bida part3 to be a musical! Direk Sejun, baka naman?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Faded Memories Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When Sejun is on the verge of death, Stell makes a deal with a magical being to save his life. But in exchange, the being wipes out every single memory of Stell.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading my updates! I appreciate your warm comments. Even the interesting questions, please keep them coming!</p><p>I'm halfway to my last chapter. Checking it hoping for less typos and if I could add more details to it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After Stell drifted off to sleep, Sejun managed to break free from Stell's grasp and he headed into the kitchen. That must have been some horrible nightmare. Stell had looked so afraid and was shaking in his arms, and it worried Sejun. </p><p>Hoping to make the rest of Stell's day a little brighter, Sejun made a large breakfast with eggs and pancakes and some bacon. Luckily, everything went well with his cooking.</p><p> </p><p>Stell had woken up from the smell, “Sejun?”</p><p>“Good morning Stell,” Sejun busy over fixing their plates, “Here, I made you some breakfast.” Stell looked up at Sejun, his eyes red and seems like would cry again. Little did he know that this set up is Stell's de javu.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, you know, about earlier.” Stell trying to calm down.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine,” Sejun smiled and sat down next to Stell. “You were just having a really bad nightmare.” </p><p>“Yeah, nightmare,” Stell sighed. He took a small bite of eggs. Stell swear this is perfectly what happened one morning in Jeju during Stell's time. But it makes him sad that on this world, roles were switch and members are not with them. Then put the fork down, that thought made him lost his appetite.</p><p>“Hey Stell, what do you want to do?" the clueless Sejun went on. "We don’t have to be at the studio until the afternoon.”</p><p>Stell sat back in his seat and rubbed his eyes, “I don’t want to do anything.”</p><p>“That nightmare really got to you, huh?” Sejun can't help but wrapped Stell's hand with his, “Why don’t you tell me about it?” </p><p>“I can’t,” Stell sighed, and he really couldn’t. And even though it was going against everything he could think.</p><p>Sejun felt rejected, “Do you want me to call Jah? He could probably chill here before we go to studio together.” </p><p> </p><p>“No need,” Stell couldn’t hide his pain even if Sejun's on side. This couldn't be, he thought.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine.”</p><p>“Okay,” Sejun replied, “Could you just let go a second, I really need to show-“ </p><p>“No!” Stell squeaked and held on tighter. “Please, don’t leave.” Sejun froze. </p><p>Stell looked so desperate he suddenly hugged Sejun. It's now or never.</p><p>The older began to run his fingers through Stell's hair. “I’m sorry, I won’t leave, I promise.”</p><p>Stell's grip became a little looser, but he was no where near letting go. He couldn’t believe he was acting like this, but that dream had brought back those horrible memories of Sejun in the hospital. He could vividly hear the doctor suggesting to pull the plug because there was nothing left to do for Sejun.</p><p>The two of them sat that way for over an hour, and Sejun was confused. They had no source of entertainment yet he was perfectly content with sitting there and running his fingers through Stell's hair.</p><p>And after that hour, Sejun felt Stell sag into him more, and after checking, Sejun concluded that Stell had fallen asleep. Carefully, he managed to slide out of Stell's arms since he really needed to take a shower before he go to work. </p><p> </p><p>“Stell,” Sejun slightly shook the sleeping boy. Stell slightly opened his eyes, “Do you want to just stay here today?”</p><p>Stell immediately shook his head, “No, I want to go with you.”</p><p>Sejun smile brightly showing his braces, “Alright then, get ready. We’ll leave in half an hour.”</p><p> </p><p>Once the two reached the agency, Sejun noticed that no matter what, Stell would be watching him. And when Sejun was close enough, Stell would randomly touch him, even for just a second, as if to make sure that Sejun was still there. </p><p>“Hey Jah,” Sejun walked over to Justin's area where the youngest member was fixing his hair. “I need your help.” Justin turned to Sejun, slightly confused as to why the older man need him. </p><p>“Hoy po, Kuya Sejun, at your service?” Sejun sat down on the counter and took a quick look around. Ken and Stell were cuddled in a corner while Stell was still watching Sejun.</p><p>He then turned back to Justin, “It’s just, Stell had a really bad nightmare last night and he had only a mouthful of eggs for breakfast and nothing for lunch and I’m worried.” </p><p>“Did he tell you what the nightmare was about?” Justin asked concerned. It took Sejun a minute to adjust to the fact that for the first time in a while since he met the kid, Justin seemed human, caring for someone else. </p><p>But after those thoughts, he replied, “He wouldn’t tell me. But while he was sleeping, he was muttering things about someone dying and he was in love with whoever was dying and seems like he was he kept telling Josh that he didn’t want the guy to die.” </p><p>Justin got out of his seat, not to mind that his hair was only half done, and walked over to Stell. "Kuya Lester, are you okay?” </p><p>“Okay naman,” Stell replied quietly, not looking at Justin.</p><p>“Seriously?” Justin pouted.</p><p>“Sorry.” Justin then sat between Ken and Stell so the he couldn’t see Ken, “Was it Sejun? Was he the one who was dying?” </p><p>Stell looked at Justin with wide eyes, “How did you know someone was dying?” </p><p>“Sejun heard you muttering in your sleep.” Justin informed him, “But just know this, Sejun is really strong. Even if something were to happen to him, he’d fight.” </p><p>“But what if he’s not strong enough?” Stell pointed out. </p><p>“Then what?” Justin replied.</p><p>"I'd probably die instead." Stell is about to cry. He did not know Sejun overheared his nightmare. Then asked Justin's help. Slowly getting there?</p><p>“Just forget those words, they don’t suit you.” A small smile graced Ken's face.</p><p>“Maybe you’re right.” Stell came back with his senses.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not maybe, I am right.” Ken said that made Justin accidentally laughed at him. By that Ken smiled awkwardly in an attempt to save his face for the youngest member. Stell noticed that that made him smile back bigger. </p><p>Justin then suggested, “Maybe you should talk to Sejun, he’s worried about you.”</p><p>Stell looked up and saw Sejun now busy with composing but eyeing their interaction. He gave Sejun a smile before mouthing, “Thank you.” </p><p> </p><p>----------------- </p><p> </p><p>Sejun was walking through the halls after he got some hotdogs. Now he's looking for something to do since JP was in the recording studio and Stell had run off with Justin an hour ago. He couldn’t help but be worried for Stell because even though his nightmare had been a week ago, Stell still become worried if Sejun left.</p><p>Today was actually the first day Stell was fine with leaving Sejun. Though at times Sejun surprisingly wished for a little bit of alone time, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t love the attention. Stell had some kind of calming effect on Sejun, and the older one never felt better. </p><p>"I feel down lately"... "Don't say that! let's do it." As he walked along, Sejun heard a familiar voice singing a song he didn’t recognize. </p><p> </p><p>"I don't feel like doing anything".. "Come on! Quit that." Sejun quickly scurried around the hallway, looking for a way to get closer to the sound. When he finally came upon the right door, he carefully peeked through the window so the room’s occupants wouldn’t see him. </p><p>Did that mean SB19 was going to have a new single? No, because if anything, wouldn’t they have started without Sejun. But then, a second voice floated through the halls and Sejun could only remember that voice singing once. And that seemed like such a long time ago. </p><p>He automatically spotted Justin and Stell sitting on the couch singing, unaware of the fact that Sejun was watching them. </p><p>
  <em>"Everywhere I go I can see all the traces, the happiness written in both of our faces. Presume embrace the fact that reality made this, erases!"</em>
</p><p>Both had such innocent smiles on their faces contrast to the hurtful lyrics. That said, he can't help but notice how Stell suddenly lights up while singing, it sort of made Sejun feel happier. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Cause I can still feel you. You took my heart with you. I can't live without you. All I need is your love."</em>
</p><p>They were like two little pre-schoolers who met one day on the playground and then vowed to be best friends before they even knew each other’s names. Sejun wanted to go inside, but he felt that if he did, he’d be ruining a precious moment for the two of them. There's no reason for me to be here.</p><p>
  <em>"This can't be true, why did I lose you? I keep loving you, I don't want to say goodbye. Never say goodbye."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It was after that line that Stell looked up and stopped singing. “Sejun!” Sejun froze, wide eyed. He had indeed been caught spying on the two of them. </p><p>He slowly entered the room, uncomfortable adjusting his jacket, “Hi.” </p><p>“How long were you out there?” Stell asked him. </p><p> </p><p>“Not long,” Sejun lied. </p><p>“You know you could have come in. We wouldn’t mind, right Kuya Lester?” </p><p>“Of course,” Stell agreed. “But did you hear the song?” Stell asked eagerly, “Did you like it?” </p><p>Sejun gave a small smile, “I really did. What song is it?” </p><p>“It’s a song Stell wrote!” Justin boasted. </p><p>Stell blushed slightly and violently waved his hands across his torso awkwardly, “I didn’t write it. It’s something I learned a while ago. I guess it’s not very popular anymore.” </p><p>“I think it’s brilliant.” Sejun stated firmly. Stell wanted to freak out. Of course it is!</p><p> </p><p>“But hey, we don’t have much to do right now, do you want to go grab some lunch? I'm still hungry.”</p><p>“Sure!” Stell jumped to his feet, “Jah, do you want to come, too?” </p><p>Justin gave Stell a knowing smile, “Nah, I'm still full.” while gesturing butterfly swimming technique. Stell raised an eyebrow meanwhile Sejun cringed at the pun. Yeah, pool.</p><p> </p><p>Once Sejun turned away from the two, Stell looked very confused at Justin. Justin smirked when Sejun was not looking, he kept doing finger hearts and chanting date date date in a low voice. Stell automatically blushed, “Bujing?!”</p><p>But before Justin could say more, Sejun turned back, “Are you coming Stell?” </p><p>“Yep,” Stell said quietly, “I guess we’d better get going.” Sejun left the room, quickly followed by Stell. </p><p>Justin laughed and then yelled, “You’re welcome!” Stell quickly peeked his head back into the room, “This is not a date!” </p><p>“Go enjoy your date.”</p><p>Stell wanted to tell him that it wasn’t a date because he knew he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up. This wasn’t his Sejun who loved him and only him. This was the sweet Sejun who took him in yet still dates other people. Heck, Stell wasn’t even sure that Sejun liked boys anymore. </p><p>But instead, Stell settled for sticking his tongue out and then following after Sejun to go out on their nondate. </p><p> </p><p>“So,” Sejun started once they were out of the building, “Where do you want to go?” </p><p> </p><p>“Up to you?" Stell said more to his feet than to Sejun. </p><p>Sejun laughed, “Are you alright?” And when Stell just nodded, Sejun poked him in the cheek, “Why are you suddenly so shy?” </p><p>“Not sure,” Stell shrugged. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, come on,” Sejun grabbed Stell's hand, “There’s a really great place with great food just down the street.” And then, Sejun began to drag a blushing Stell down the street.</p><p> </p><p>----------------- </p><p> </p><p>“You’ll love this place!” Sejun almost squealed with matching small dance with his shoulders as the two of them sat down at the table. </p><p> </p><p>“You think?” Stell questioned even though he already knew he’d like it since Sejun and him used to go here all the time. Stell couldn’t help but smile, this was actually the place that they had their first date. </p><p> </p><p>“Something’s different about you,” Sejun stated casually as he look in the man in front of him. “But I don’t know what it is.” </p><p> </p><p>Stell looked over at him confused, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Sorry.” </p><p>“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Sejun smiled. </p><p> </p><p>“So Stell, no one really knows your story.” Stell formed a bead on the side of his face as he knew exactly where this is going. Sejun wanted to know about his life before the park. But what was Stell supposed to answer to that? </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Sejun hiding the awkwardness in his cute little way where his eyes got all small, “I’m intruding aren’t I?” Seems like this Sejun could read his mind too?</p><p>“No,” Stell said immediately, he didn’t want Sejun to feel bad, “It’s just hard to explain.” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun smiled, “That’s alright. Besides, I don’t care about the past much, it isn’t who you were, it’s who you want to be. What's important is we all choose to do things right!” Stell laughed, Sejun always firm with what he wanted to believe. He suddenly remembered how Sejun influenced their A'TIN to be always kind.</p><p> </p><p>“Since when do you have time to be poetic?” </p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me, did you know that it was me who wrote all our songs? Don't belittle me Mr. Ajero.” Sejun boast then finally a waiter approched them to get their orders. Once the guy did what he needed to do and left, Sejun turned back to Stell.</p><p> </p><p>“So, what do you like to do?” </p><p>“Karaoke?,” Stell answered automatically, he missed singing with him. “It'll be fun don't you think?”</p><p>Sejun looked amazed, “Wow, that would be nice. I’ve seen you jamming with Ken and Justin. I would love to sing with you honestly.”</p><p> </p><p>Stell blushed and mentally celebrating that they wanted the same thing at the same time. Why did he keep blushing? Especially in front of Sejun too. “Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>“But besides that, how come your songs are unique yet familiar?” Sejun was interested. Even though they were living together, Sejun felt like he knew absolutely nothing about his house guest. "You don't say you just heard them all, radios rarely play indie." </p><p>“Well,” Stell thought about it for a moment, "I got these weird talent of capturing songs in my dreams." he excused.</p><p> </p><p>“That's something. You know that's somehow like how I created our music. Thanks  for all the interesting those reading materials and films I've encountered. But these past few days I'm having a hard time to produce one. How I wish they would all come to me in my dreams too. Haha” Sejun talked for a while. Stell couldn't help but giggle that this is how dedicated he is on his craft.</p><p>"Is that so? Maybe I could help you with that? Only if you'd like?" Stell awkwardly offered. Now that's a chance to have something to do in their agency.</p><p> </p><p>“Really?” Sejun seemed shocked, “We should have this talk before. Our agency got this really nice recording studio. I’ll take you one of these days.” </p><p>“Really?” Stell asked excitedly. As if this Sejun still knew what he needed without asking. They really did love cooking songs, an action on Sejun's vocabulary. It’s what kept him and SB19 together. Go Up was their trophy during Stell's time. “You’ll seriously take me there?”</p><p>Before in this Sejun's life, he rarely smile and only in front of a few people. There was just something about Stell that made him feel happier. “Of course I will! I wouldn’t say it and then go back on my word. What kind of man would that make me? It just might take some time to get a break as we are focused on our new single.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s okay,” Stell replied, “I’ll patienly wait for you.” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun mentally thanked gods and saints that the waiter chose this very moment to come over with their food. What was he supposed to reply to something like that? </p><p> </p><p>“This is mouthwatering!” Stell practically sank into his seat. It had been such a long time since he’s had the amazing kare-kare. </p><p> </p><p>“Told you that you’d love it.” Sejun grinned with an aura of superiority. Little did Stell know he sacrificed his craving for Sinigang for Stell's choice.</p><p> </p><p>Stell didn’t reply though. He was too lost in the memories he associated with the familiar taste of kare-kare. Their first date which ultimately was the first time they kissed as well. Though he knew this non-date wouldn’t end the same. He couldn’t hold out to hope knowing that this Sejun would never realize that he did need anyone else but Stell. The younger will never impose on this time because that would be selfish of Stell since Sejun doesn’t know about their relationship.</p><p>After Stell finished, he looked up and saw Sejun looking at him. He quickly wiped his chin, “Is their something on my face?” </p><p>Sejun shook his head as if to rid himself of any thoughts. “Sorry, I just got distracted. Wow, you’re already done? You eat fast.” </p><p> </p><p>“And you eat impossibly slow,” Stell replied when he noticed that Sejun wasn’t even half way done. Stell felt guilty. He knew the order Sejun go here is the place's Sinigang specialty. But he couldn't help his cravings. Luckily this Sejun agreed.</p><p>Sejun looked at his meal, “I could have sworn I ate more then that. I guess I missed my mom's kare-kare.” Stell thought this wouldn't happen during his time. They probably would order their faves.</p><p>“Well, stop complaining! hurry up and eat before it gets to cold.” Stell instructed. But when Sejun didn’t make any move to eat his food, Stell rolled his eyes, leaned over the table and began to feed Sejun. </p><p> </p><p>“You really don’t have to do that,” Sejun said after he bite what Stell gave him. </p><p>Stell smiled, “Someone has to.” He got more food, “It would be a waste. Now open up.” </p><p>Sejun chuckled but immediately obeyed. And as he fed the man he loved, Stell had to admit this was the best non-date he’d ever been on. </p><p> </p><p>Yet, as he continued to feed Sejun, he could have sworn he heard some voices nearby like Justin and Ken. “Yes naman.." "Layag!.” But Stell was having too much fun to question it. </p><p> ------------------ </p><p> </p><p>“Uyy Teytey,” Stell felt someone poke him in the arm. “How’d it go?” </p><p>Being the mature person that he is, Stell just ignored it. He also ignored it when the psst’s got much more frequent and the pokes moved up his arm to his cheek. </p><p>He held out for a good ten seconds before he rolled his eyes, “What do you want Felip Jhon?</p><p>“What happened Kuya Lester?” Justin asked.</p><p>"Yeah right, spill the tea." Ken honestly wanting to know how someone else’s day was, is like something new for the first time in years. </p><p>Justin and Ken unexpectedly conspire on their Mr. Sunshine's non-date. They thought that was going great since they saw Stell feeding Sejun across the diner. However, when Stell got back, he seemed more sad then he was before. </p><p> </p><p>“I made a mistake,” Stell admitted. </p><p>Justin wrapped an arm around his shoulders, “I doubt that, what happened?” </p><p>Stell sighed and felt himself practically melting into the warmth of Justin's side. “I asked him about the girl that he was dating that one day that I ended up at Ken's house.” </p><p> </p><p>“And?” Ken hurried Stell.</p><p>“He said she was just a small fling,” Stell said with a pout, “He couldn’t even remember her name.” </p><p>Justin looked at Stell, a little bit confused. “But isn’t that good. That means he’s emotionally unattached.” </p><p>“But it wasn’t that long ago and he still can’t remember her name,” Stell pointed out. “And, well, if anything were to happen I don’t want to be just some fling. I want him to be able to remember my name.” </p><p>“You can’t compare yourself to her,” Justin comforted, “he already knows you. He already knows your name.” </p><p>Stell released himself from Justin's hold and faced him head on. “But he said that she’s just another girl. And Jah, I don’t want to be just another fling. I want to be something to him.” </p><p>“Once again Teytey, there’s no way he’s going to just treat you like one of those girls, you’re special!” </p><p>“You think?” Stell was still uneasy. </p><p>“If he treats you as just another fling, he’s crazy and I’ll kill him,” Ken said with a bright smile that slightly contradicted his last statement. </p><p> </p><p>After his talk with Justin and Ken, Stell felt a whole lot better. Sure he was still worried that Sejun was still in his playboy stage, but he had outgrown it back in Stell's world, so he could outgrow it here too.</p><p> </p><p>----------</p><p>“Hey kid, you ready to go home?” JP asked as he poked his head into SB19's room. “It’s either now with me or you can take the taxi with Sejun.” </p><p>Stell smiled, “I’ll go with Sejun.” </p><p>“Thought so,” JP said in a knowing voice before leaving. </p><p> </p><p>Justin looked at Stell and giggled, “I bet you anything that he knows something is going on.”</p><p>“Shut up.” Stell pouted and pushed Justin off of the couch. It was almost two hours later that Sejun had found Stell and said it was time to leave. </p><p> </p><p>To get to the taxi stop, they had to move fast in order to not miss the driver. Once they were booked, they found themselves sitting next to each other. Stell noticed how late it was. He watched Sejun with a small, blissful smile while the older hummed in time with the radio.</p><p> </p><p>As Stell yawned and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He missed hearing his seatmate's whispher "Aww, you’re too cute!” </p><p>He had spent a lot of energy worrying earlier and it was only now taking its toll on his body. “Go to sleep,” Sejun instructed as he pulled Stell's head down to his shoulder. </p><p>“It’s alright,” Stell sat up, looking almost dead to the world. “I’ll keep you company.” </p><p>Sejun laughed and once again pulled Stell's head down to his shoulder, “Go to sleep, JP will scold at me if I tire you out.” </p><p>Stell let himself be pulled to Sejun's shoulder. This day was definitely just a bunch of flashbacks for him. They went to the same place where they had their first date and now, taking the taxi with Stell falling asleep on Sejun's shoulder was usually how their dates ended. His Sejun would start singing a softly to lull Stell to sleep and the last thing he’d notice before drifting off to sleep was Sejun placing a delicate kiss on top of his head. </p><p>The only time he did not sleep on one of their taxi ride was when they had a fight on something petty he couldn't even remember. Sejun even had a small talk with the driver just to ignore him. Eventualy that turned into one funny story because the driver had a hilarious remark on SB19, little did he knew the two vocalists were the passenger.</p><p> </p><p>Stell now couldn't sleep knowing that’s not how this time was. Sejun had taken his phone out and began to text someone. So Stell just sighed and let himself forced off to sleep where he could dream Sejun would wrap his arm around him and kiss him on the head at the perfect second right before Stell fell asleep. Though, when a sudden turn came, Stell almost fell off Sejun shoulder. This caused the older man to automatically wrap his arm around Stell's shoulders.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ve got you.” </p><p>Stell smiled, it may not have been how life used to be, but it wasn’t that bad either. </p><p> </p><p>--------------- </p><p> </p><p>“Do you really have to leave?” Stell pouted, “We just started dancing!” </p><p>Ken laughed, “We have to work. We can record this tiktok later, alright?” </p><p>“Alright,” Stell laughed as well and watched as Ken left. </p><p> </p><p>He then looked around the rest of the room and froze when his eyes landed Josh. He hadn’t even known Josh was back from his variety show gig, “Hey Josh. How was Jeju?” </p><p>“It was nice to get away from this hell.” Josh said coldly. “What happened while I was gone?” </p><p>Stell stayed quiet, thinking about the question, “Well, we had a lot of fun!” </p><p>“I can see that,” Josh scoffed as he leaned back in his chair. Once he checked the room to make sure that nobody else was there, he laughed.</p><p> </p><p>“So, what the hell did you do to Ken? He must be putting on some type of show if he’s acting like this.” </p><p>“He’s not,” Stell pouted, “He’s being nice because friends are nice to each other.” </p><p>“You really think he’s your friend?” Josh laughed at Stell. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Do you really think that he changed just because you were nice to him? He is a freaking idol who can get anything and any girl he wants. There was a reason he was such a little diva, just because he was good enough that people had to put up with his crap. And you think that just because you were nice to him he changed magically? You’re so naïve.” </p><p> </p><p>Stell looked down at the floor. “He’s a good person.” </p><p>“For now, but how long do you think he’s going to stay this way?” Josh asked, seriousness laced into his voice. </p><p>“Why do you have to be so mean?” Stell questioned, just as serious as Josh. “I mean, sure he was really full of himself, but people can change. Don’t you think he wanted to be a better person but never got the chance? Nobody wants to live hated and alone.” </p><p>“You’re so freaking gullible.” Josh chuckled in a voice that echoed in Stell's head. </p><p>Stell wiped away the few tears that stung his eyes. It wasn’t that he believed Josh, he knew with his whole heart that Ken was happier this way. Heck, even a majority of the fans noticed that Ken was much happier now. </p><p>But, he didn’t like the way Josh was talking to him right now. He could remember in his time, the early days of SB19 when Josh and him fought and made him cry a few times, but he never talked to Stell like this. All the times Josh made Stell cry, it was purely by accident. But this Josh was malice. Right now he really wanted to make Stell cry. </p><p>“I don’t care,” Stell replied, struggling to keep his voice from breaking. “If it’s all a lie I don’t care.” </p><p>“You should have just kept to yourself-” </p><p>“Why are you angry at me?” Stell interrupted. </p><p>“What did I do to you? I can remember staying over at Sejun and JP's apartment. I can remember us playing games. I can remember talking with Justin a lot. But I cannot remember ever being mean to you. I never said anything rude and I was only nice.” </p><p> </p><p>“It’s for your own good,” Josh stood up and stretched out. “It’s better you know how people are now before you put your trust into them.” </p><p>Stell looked at Josh, very confused. What was missing on this twisted time? He couldn't remember their past to be this dark. “Are you worried about me trusting someone? Or is it you you’re worried about?” </p><p> </p><p>“Huh,” Josh replied immediately. “You’re the idiot putting so much faith into people.” </p><p>“Or are you the idiot NOT putting enough faith into people?” </p><p> </p><p>“Kuya Lester!” Justin squealed as he ran into the room. “What happened here Kuya Josh?” </p><p>“Maybe ask him,” Josh replied before leaving the room. </p><p> </p><p>Justin bounces over to Stell and then freezes, “Kuya, were you crying?” </p><p>“Huh?” Stell reaches up and does his best to wipe away any tears, “No, I guess my allergies are acting up.” </p><p>“For real?” Justin looked a little unconvinced, but why would the older lie to him? So he just smiled, “Okay! Let’s try more of the songs you have  before.” </p><p>Stell was thankful that Justin wasn't too nosy and tact this moment.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, when Josh got outside the door, he was shocked to find his best friend glaring at him. “What do you want?” </p><p>“What the hell were you trying to do?” Sejun questioned. </p><p>“Just telling him the truth,” Josh replied. “He’s too naïve for his own good. I figured I’d tell him the way life is.” </p><p>“Stop taking your hate for Ken out on other people. Don’t you think it’s about time to move on?” Sejun asked, his voice deathly quiet. “Are you still pissed at him for the crap he pulled? Still mad that he even shut you off? Of all people? I personally don’t blame you. But stop trying to bring down people who are happy.” </p><p>“I’m only trying to save him from Ken.” Josh answered truthfully. “You know we all became fond of Stell, he’s now our friend. But you see the way he looks at that Stell and I don’t know why, but I think I might be sick of Ken using people the way he does.” </p><p>“Then be blunt and confront Ken, not Stell.” Sejun warned. </p><p>Josh chuckled in disbelief. "Sejun did you really suggested me to talk this off Ken? You know how bad things will turn then. That guy is too late to change."</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure it's only Ken who needs to change? How about you Josh? Are you really sure that it's Stell's feelings you want to protect or your pride when you could'nt even mend your friendship with Ken?” </p><p>Josh just glared up at Sejun, “I hate you and your long ass questions.” </p><p>Sejun smirked and hugged Josh in a tight bear hug. “I love you, too!” </p><p> </p><p>---------------------- </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, JC, can I talk to you for a minute?” JP asked, a serious aura surrounding him. </p><p>“Of course, what is it?” Josh answered not looking at JP, he was too busy fixing his hair. </p><p>JP sat down next to Josh, “Well, I heard that earlier today you were being a little mean to Stell and-“ </p><p>“Don’t you dare lecture me on how to handle him,” Josh cut him off. </p><p>“You know what’s that supposed to mean?" "It’s obvious that you're jealous of him.” </p><p> </p><p>Josh held out a yawn, it had been a long day since he got back from Jeju. He had already made Stell cry and got attacked by Sejun. For anyone, that was a pretty stressful day. </p><p> </p><p>“How come?” Josh seemed concerned.</p><p>“Do you think we wouldn't noticed?” “Dense?” JP scoffed. </p><p>“Yeah right. What about jealousy? I don't get you and Seju n really. Spill what the rest of you have.” Josh glared slightly. “Also what's the big deal with accusing me of making Stell cry?” “It’s better I make him cry now than someone break his heart later.” Josh pointed out. </p><p>JP looked completely confused, Josh rolled his eyes, “Don’t hurt this one. He’s a great person, he doesn’t deserve to be betrayed too.” </p><p> </p><p>“Betrayed TOO? by me?” Josh questioned. </p><p>JP laughed, “Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. How many times have you turned your back to Ken way back? And I want an honest answer.” </p><p> </p><p>Josh rubbed the back of his neck, speechless. These guy haven’t changed. Sejun and JP knew them all well.</p><p> </p><p>“That stupid kid trusts Ken and you Josh for some weird reason even if you both got this tension. He likes to think people are good and he counts you as a nice person as well. So don’t hurt him, especially since most of us are convinced Stell's special or something stupid like that even though kid's secretive of his past.” Josh was about to retort, but JP managed to slip out of the room without another sound. </p><p> </p><p>So, Josh settled for laying down on the couch and sulking. Or, he did that for five minutes before the door opened and a sheepish looking Ken came into the room. </p><p>He saw Josh and Ken looked at him nerviously. </p><p>“Huh?” Josh yawned. He had almost fallen asleep, but not quite. Something's off now.</p><p>“I did something bad.” Ken not really being himself lately. </p><p>“You just realized? Are you ready to apologize now?” Josh questioned, figuring the younger member is pissed off. </p><p>“WTH, I need to do this! Okay!” Ken now in panic, “Josh, we need your help. We randomly recorded new content at the park, and then it started to rain. Justin, Stell and I got out of it fine, it’s just. I should've not asked for Stell's help! It's just that he got some cool dance moves to teach. But now he got a fever.” </p><p>Josh automatically rose to his feet, “Where is he?” </p><p>“Justin is taking care of him in clinic.” Ken admitted. “Ate Rappl went to the store to buy some medicine for him, but she said that I had to tell you that I got him sick. We need to take care of this or else Sejun..” </p><p>“Argh! You and your rain!” Josh can't help but scream but control his anger by just rolling his eyes. "Got it. Calm down Ken. Being nervous is not helping" The older said that before they head to agency's clinic. Where's Sejun right now? They will be doomed.</p><p>When they got there, Justin was looking down after a sleeping Stell. “We just went out filming in the rain and didn't noticed Stell got sick,” Justin pointed out like it was obvious. </p><p>“Sejun! You’re here,” Ken stated the obvious as their leader came first into the room. </p><p>"Well, we have a training so you’re gonna have to take him back to the apartment and take care of him. You can have the car.” Sejun stared as JP left his keys hanging from his fist. </p><p>“Sejun?” Josh shook him. “You do know it’s just Stell but-“ </p><p>Sejun knew Stell managed the storm when they found him. How come he got sick from a rain. He's deliberating whether to demand Stell of his medical records but he didn't want him to feel uncomfortable for prying again.</p><p>The leader was about to say how he was going to kill his groupmates but a small moan from the bed stopped him.</p><p> </p><p>“Jah?” Stell asked, “Where are we?” </p><p>“ShowBT's clinic. Sorry we gotta go, but Sejun's gonna take care of you!” The three members stormed out in an instant to avoid the bigger storm.</p><p> </p><p> ------------------------------ </p><p>After his scared members left, Sejun figured that the agency wouldn’t be a comfortable resting place to keep a sick guy. So, he picked up the younger man and assist him to JP's car so the two could go back to the apartment. </p><p> </p><p>Back at the apartment, Sejun laid Stell down on his bed, figuring that it would be better then putting him on the couch. Sejun's bed was soft and fluffy with a lot of blankets. He couldn’t help but smile when Stell cuddled snuggly into his pillows. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do next, but that didn’t stop Sejun from lying next to Stell, atop the covers as opposed to Stell resting under the covers. </p><p>He then began to run his fingers through Stell's hair as he really thought about what he overheard. He only catched a few lines but Ken was saying some fling issues to Stell. What was wrong with him liking to sleep with women? He enjoyed losing himself in the sensations and pleasure. It made him momentarily forget just how lonely the life of an idol was. A hot body was so much more calming then some kind of bath or just lying in bed reading manga. The hot, sweat dripping and the different tastes took his mind off of all the girls that had broke his heart since he couldn’t keep a serious relationship. Was he getting too old to have so many flings? No, that couldn’t be right! He was still in his prime, he should live his life now before it got to be too late. </p><p> </p><p>“Jah?” Stell asked in his slightly delirious state. </p><p>Sejun pouted, “Jah went home already, I took you back home.” </p><p>“Sejun?” Stell yawned, “Wait, where am I? This isn’t the couch.” </p><p>“Yeah, it’s my bed,” Sejun replied, feeling Stell's forehead. “You’re still pretty warm, maybe you should go back to rest.” </p><p>“But I’m not tired.” Stell pointed out, though the small yawn he attempted to cover up after he said it didn’t help his case in the slightest. “I don’t want to go back to sleep.” </p><p>Sejun laughed at his stubbornness, “Fine, if you don’t want to go to sleep then what do you want to do?” </p><p>Stell sat up in the bed to look around, only to immediately lay down when the room began to spin. “My head hurts.” </p><p>After hearing this Sejun jumped to his feet and ran into the bathroom to grab a few pain killers from his rather large stash. Then, he went to the kitchen for a glass of water before returning to his room, “Here, this should help.” </p><p>With a small word of thanks Stell automatically took the pills and drank the entire cup of water. He then laid back in the bed, unconsciously holding the blankets close enough for him to be enveloped in the scent of Sejun. </p><p> </p><p>“You good?’ Sejun questioned. </p><p>“Yeah,” Stell sat up again, this time much slower. He then looked around the room, figuring that he wouldn’t be able to get out of the bed and sighed,<br/>
“Let’s watch a movie?”</p><p>“Alright,” Sejun nodded before opening the cabinet to his rather large dvd collection, “I have everything, what do you want to watch?” </p><p>“Something ridiculously kiddy,” Stell replied, “I need something to make me feel better.” Sejun looked at his collection. “So, something like a super hero movie?” Stell shook his head but immediately stopped when he felt like he was jumbling all his brains. So instead he said, “No, big kids like super heroes too. I want something like The Lion King.” </p><p>“Why?” </p><p> </p><p>“Why not?” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun sighed, knowing he wouldn’t get an answer out of the guy on the bed so he looked back at his collection and spotted the very movie that Stell had just suggested. For a moment, Sejun stared at the movie, wondering why in the world he had the movie in the first place. </p><p> </p><p>“Sejun?” Stell questioned after he realized Sejun had been glaring at the dvd box for the last few seconds barely blinking. “Are you alright?” </p><p>“Perfectly fine,” Sejun shook his head to clear all thoughts before he grabbed the movie and popped it into his dvd player. He was planning on just leaving Stell to himself since he’d probably fall asleep after a few minutes of the movie. </p><p>But then, Stell smiled brightly, “You actually have this movie. Will you stay and watch it with me?” </p><p>“Sure,” Sejun found himself answering before he even thought about it. Then when he realized what he said, he had no choice but to join Stell on his bed. </p><p>It was when Stell laid his head on Sejun's side and cuddled close that Sejun thought it wouldn’t be too bad to watch a kid movie again. And Sejun was completely sure it wasnt too bad when he could feel Stell's rhythmic breaths. </p><p>And couldn't help but awe on the sweet rendition he's now enjoying, <em>"There's a calm surrender to the rush of day when the heat of a rolling wind can be turned away. An enchanted moment and it sees me through. It's enough for this restless warrior just to be with you."</em> Sejun is impressed on the younger effortlessly hitting notes neatly with that soft voice.</p><p>Children's movies weren't bad at all. Besides, he wasn't too familiar with this whole long cuddling business, but Stell seemed quite fond of it.</p><p>This time Sejun blended to Stell's small performance, <em>"Can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are. It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer that we got this far... How it's laid to rest. It's enough to make kings and vagabonds believe the very best."</em></p><p>With Sejun too engrossed, he failed to notice Stell close to crying. When was the last time they had an acapella? In this twisted time, this is too good to be true.</p><p> </p><p>Sejun could begin to see what's special with this. He was too used to waking up and leaving before the girl woke up so there was never really time for a good snuggle. But now with Stell cuddling into him, Sejun recalled the younger's nightmare and now he was sick, Sejun could see that this wasn't too bad.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm running out of SB19's song. I hope you don't mind other songs. In case you don't know: "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" did you felt it? I'm all kilig imagining Stelljun duet to this!</p><p>I'm still deciding where to fit Go Up on Stell's new time.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Faded Memories Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When Sejun is on the verge of death, Stell makes a deal with a magical being to save his life. But in exchange, the being wipes out every single memory of Stell.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for keeping up with my first work here on ao3! I alab you all 🌿</p><p> </p><p>I am not very good with graphics or photo edit, but I did tweet about Faded Memories. If it's not much, you can retweet and tag your fellow Stelljun shippers out there https://twitter.com/ao3miyaicheese/status/1262396884880101377</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Teytey!” Ken ran up to the older man a few days later. It was the first time Stell was back after getting sick from playing in the rain with Justin and Ken. </p><p>“Are you feeling all better?” Justin asked.</p><p>“Of course,” Stell smiled, “If I wasn’t then I wouldn’t be here right now.” </p><p>“So,” they pulled Stell into a secluded corner of the agency's cafeteria. “What was it like being cared for by your beloved Sejun?” </p><p>Stell automatically shooshed the bunso line and looked around to make sure no one was looking at them. He turned back to Justin, “Don’t say things like that here! Someone could overhear.” </p><p>“So?” Justin tilted his head slightly to the side. </p><p>“I don’t want anyone to hear,” Stell reminded him. “It’d be really weird.” </p><p>Ken rolled his eyes and sighed, “Fine, We won’t mention any names, but what happened?” </p><p>“Nothing too much,” Stell replied while they walked back to SB19's room. “We snuggled on his bed though, it felt really comfortable.” </p><p>While Justin giggled like a maniac, Stell quickly made a get away only to run into Josh. Josh put his hand on Stell's forehead. </p><p>“Are you feeling much better?” </p><p>“I am, don’t worry,” Stell smiled, he loved that Josh was still this concern because you knew that he actually did care about your well being. But soon, that happy, content feeling was gone when he heard oddly familiar arguing coming from the two. </p><p> </p><p>“There you go again Ken pestering Stell,” Josh stormed into SB19's room, quickly followed by Ken. </p><p>“Justin please tell the dwarf that I’m not a pest.” </p><p>“I’m only saying that because you have a freaking twisted personality.” Josh pointed out as he collapsed gracefully onto the couch, “Therefore you might not be insane you might have to at least be baptized or something.” </p><p>“Shut up,” Ken pouted and sat at his section of the counter. “You know what? I’m just going to ignore you.” </p><p>“Sissy,” Josh rolled his eyes and picked up his phone off the coffee table. </p><p>Justin sighed, “You two should stop fighting.” </p><p>“Says the tall baby,” Josh mumbled to himself. </p><p>Stell just laughed, this definitely felt a lot more like what he was used to fooling around. Except there was no Sejun reading a script or asleep on the couch. </p><p> </p><p>Stell then noticed Justin eyeing Ken as he was fixing his hair. </p><p>“Jah, what are you looking at?” </p><p>“Ken has nice hair?” Justin commented. </p><p>“Maybe you should ask him to do your hair,” Stell suggested. </p><p>“If you ask very nicely I bet he’ll do it for you.” </p><p>“Maybe,” Justin shrugged, “But I don’t care about my hair right now, I just want to know how things are with your love life.” </p><p>“Yeah, my very nonexistent love life.” Stell muttered. He then noticed Josh watching the two of them, leaning in slightly as if to try to overhear the conversation. </p><p> </p><p>“Josh, would you like something?”</p><p>Josh sat back and buried his nose on his phone, but he did reply. “No, why the hell would I care what you two were talking about?” </p><p>Stell then flashed a smile, “But it’s not a very interesting conversation so I doubt it would matter even if you did.” </p><p>“Yeah, because Stell won’t say anything.” Justin pouted, sat back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. </p><p>“Because there’s nothing to talk about,” Stell insisted. </p><p>Josh laughed, “You might just have to tell him very straight out that you don’t feel like talking about your nonexistent relationship with Sejun. He’s a bit clueless about love, right? stubborn little boy.” </p><p>“Hey, I’m not!” Justin protested. </p><p>“Or maybe a newbie,” Stell felt like adding. </p><p>Justin looked at Stell and then changed his view back to Josh, “Yeah! I’m a hopeless romantic. What made you think you're different!” </p><p>“Whatever keeps you going,” Josh chuckled and focused on his phone once again. </p><p>“Kuya Lester, what really happened?” Justin asked.</p><p>“I told you I’m not telling anything to you.” Stell complained. </p><p>“But Josh obviously already knows so it’s fine if he overhears. Besides, I bet he’s just as curious as I am, he only has a different way of showing it.” Justin giggled. </p><p>“He’s got a point.” Ken agreed with Justin in the first time in a long while.</p><p>“I am somewhat interested in what you have to say about Sejun.” Josh answered.</p><p> </p><p>“I have nothing to say.” Stell looked between them and neither of the three looked convinced in the slightest. So, in a much more whiny voice he repeated, “There’s nothing to say!” </p><p> </p><p>---------- </p><p> </p><p>“Wait, so nothing really happened?” Ken pouted. He really thought that something had happened but Stell was just too embarrassed to say anything in front of the group. </p><p>But now that they were at Ken's apartment, he was hoping that Stell would open up.</p><p>“Not really,” Stell replied as he collapsed onto the couch, “We had watched a movie while snuggling for a while, but I fell asleep rather quickly. Once I woke up again he had soup waiting for me and he told me some stories about you guys on tour. Then the next day we watched more movies while snuggling on his bed but then he had to leave and so I hung out with JP and it was a lot of fun.” </p><p>Ken had a confused look on his face, “Wait, so you had a great time with JP? I thought you like Sejun.” </p><p>“I do like Sejun,” Stell confessed with a blush, people didn’t expect it sometimes, but he was a very shy person. “But JP’s just fun to hang out with. We played board games and ate a lot of food.” </p><p>“You would be won over by food.” Ken laughed as he threw a bag of chips at Stell. “You know, so many people must be jealous of you. You get to live with the PhP's JP Soliva and the SB19's Sejun. They’re idols even among the idols.” </p><p>Stell laughed, “Not really, they’re just like everybody else. Though, JP is like the older brother that I always wanted when I was a kid.” </p><p>“Hmm, Teytey, will you be my cool older brother?” Ken questioned with pure innocence all over his face. </p><p>“I thought I was supposed to be your best friend.” Stell pointed out. </p><p>“Well, you can be both!” Ken giggled. </p><p>Stell then laughed in delight, “Okay, I’ll be your brother Felip Jhon!” </p><p> </p><p>After that the two settled down to watch a very romantic movie that even in Stell's real world, Ken claimed as his favorite since it was so full of love. Though, Stell couldn’t remember the last time he had seen it, it must have been back when he was seventeen or eighteen. Since he couldn’t really remember the ending, he asked, “Felip, do they get together in the end?” </p><p>Ken laughed, “You’re going to have to wait and see.” </p><p>“But I don’t want to wait,” “Tell me!” </p><p> </p><p>“Shh, here’s the confession,” Ken leaned forward and turned the volume up. </p><p>Stell leaned in as well, excited to hear the confession as well due to the large build up from the start of the movie in which the boy fell in love with his best friend, but was afraid to admit his feelings to her up until now. However, once the guy admitted his feelings, Ken paused the movie. Stell turned to him, utterly confused, “Why’d you pause it?” </p><p>“What do you think could happen?” Ken asked as he sat back in his seat and watched the man next to him. </p><p>“Well, she’s gonna give her answer,” Stell replied obviously, “So let’s watch her do it.” </p><p> </p><p>Ken sighed, “That’s not what I meant. I mean, what could she say?” “Yes or no, it’s as simple as that.” </p><p>Stell had no clue where this conversation was going. “She either has feelings for him or she doesn’t.” “It’s as simple as that."</p><p>"So why don’t you try it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, are you trying to say that I should confess to Sejun?” </p><p>“Yeah.” Ken shrugged. </p><p>“What could happen?” “He could say no.” Stell pointed out. </p><p> </p><p>“But he could say yes. It’s as simple as that.” Ken repeated what Stell had just said. </p><p> </p><p>“But if I get rejected, I don’t think I could take it.” Stell pointed out, “It’s not as simple as movies. Those guys are actors, my feelings are real.” </p><p> </p><p>“And since they’re real shouldn’t you act on them?” Ken asked as he turned the television off. When Stell didn’t reply, Ken continued, “As your best friend, and your brother, I’m telling you to just go for it and confess. Sejun either has feelings for you or he doesn’t, you’ll never know until you confess.” </p><p>For the next few minutes Ken watched as Stell sat back in his seat, staring blankly at the wall in front of him. So when Stell turned towards Ken, it slightly startled the younger boy. </p><p> </p><p>“Ken, can you just press play?” </p><p> </p><p>Defeated, Ken pressed play and sat back. Yet, he had one last trick up his sleeve. </p><p> </p><p>“You love me?” the girl on the screen questioned. “I have, for the longest time,” The boy admitted sincerely. She then glared at him, “Why couldn’t you tell me this before? We’ve hung out everyday for the past ten years and not once did you say anything!” “I was afraid-“ “But now you’re too late.” The girl said regretfully. I came here today to tell you I’m moving to the city. I’m moving with Tom. He confessed to me this morning and told me that he was serious and, well, I feel the same way about him.” The guy sighed and wiped away the tears trailing down his cheeks, “Did I ever have a chance?” “You did, once upon a time.” She wiped away her own tears, “So I guess this really is good bye. I hope you’re happy.” </p><p> </p><p>“You planned this, didn’t you?” Stell questioned over the movie. </p><p>“So what if I did?” “Did it work?” Ken's proud evident on his diva voice.</p><p>Stell stood up and grabbed his jacket, “It did. I guess we’ll have this sleep over another time?” </p><p>“Good luck, Kuya!”<br/>
--------------------- </p><p> </p><p>Stell checked his watch again before gripping his jacket and pulling it tighter around his body. It was currently ten at night and Sejun was supposed to be done with his radio show real soon. </p><p>So, Stell settled into his seat on the JP car's hood and waited until the man would come out of the building. Now's his chance he thought. During Stell's time, everything went into the place perfectly. Sejun and him right away clicked and they faced hardships together. But in this warped time, it's saddening to imagine that Sejun was all alone fine without him. He hoped barging into this Sejun's world will be an opportunity to make the older happy.</p><p>When he saw the familiar figure walking towards him, Stell took a deep breath and slid off of the hood of the car. He smiled, trying not to look as nervous as he felt, “Hey Sejun.” </p><p> </p><p>“Good evening? Stell?” Sejun came into the light that was emitted from the street lamp near his car. </p><p>Stell joined him in the light, “Yeah, it’s me.” </p><p>A look of shock crossed Sejun's face, “Oh my goodness! was I supposed to take you home tonight? I’m so sorry, how long were you waiting here for me?” </p><p>“No,” Stell cut off Sejun. “You weren’t supposed to take me home.” </p><p>“Oh right, you’re staying at Ken's tonight,” Sejun said more to himself. He then turned his attention back to Sejun, “Did he leave you here?” </p><p>“No,” Stell laughed. “Not at all. I actually just got here not too long ago. I was at Ken's, but now I’m here.” </p><p>Sejun seemed quite confused, “Why?” </p><p>“Well,” Stell sighed. He had been thinking of a decent confession ever since he left Ken's house, but even after two and a half hours, he came up with absolutely nothing that actually came from him. He didn’t want to copy some movie or television show, he wanted his special moment with Sejun to be unique. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you alright?” Sejun asked, taking a step closer to Stell. </p><p>“I’m fine,” Stell replied immediately. “It’s just hard to think right now.” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun took another step closer, “Do you want to go home now? Maybe you’ll be more comfortable and take a rest there.” </p><p>“No,” Stell stopped him. “Let's stay for awhile please?” And in his mind, here was good. Maybe expressing his deep thoughts will be a great timing here. It was secluded, the moon shined on them from above, surprisingly bright for a crescent moon, and the fact that the street lamp only lit the circle around them, it made him feel like they were the only people in the world. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun wanted to take a step closer, but there was something about the mood of the night that made him feel like Stell needed the space. It seemed so strong that he even took two steps back. Just like Stell, he was at the edge of the circle of light. </p><p>“Sejun, I think that, no, I mean,” Stell stuttered. He then ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, “What I mean to say is, I can’t think...” </p><p>“Are you sure you don’t want to go home?” Sejun questioned. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m positive, uuhm hold up” Stell took a deep breath. </p><p> </p><p>Stell struggling to calm down then closed his eyes and he could vividly imagine the day that Sejun had confessed to him on his past. Was this how Sejun felt back when he was trying to convey his feelings? </p><p> </p><p>“Sejun, I l-“ </p><p> </p><p>“Wait a minute,” Sejun stopped him as sprinkles of rain began to flutter from the sky. “It’s raining, can we please get into the car?” </p><p> </p><p>Stell was so frustrated that he could cry. But he just took a deep breath, “Wait, it’s just sprinkling. I’ve got this now, it shouldn’t take long.” </p><p> </p><p>“No way! you might get sick again!?” </p><p> </p><p>“I like you.” Stell managed to say quietly. However, just as he began to speak, the rain had begun to pound harder, completely covering Stell's words. </p><p> </p><p>“What was that?” Sejun asked as he began to walk towards Stell to open the passenger's side. "Come on!"</p><p> </p><p>Stell decided that it was now or never so he took Sejun's lead and began to overcome the space between them. Once they were close enough, Stell reached one hand around Sejun, placing it on the back of his neck and then pulling him into a deep kiss. </p><p> </p><p>When Stell pulled away, he kept his eyes down, afraid of the look that could have been on Sejun's face. He then whispered, “I like you.” and the two were so close that even though he was sure Sejun couldn’t hear him, he was absolutely sure Sejun could feel the words. </p><p> </p><p>Without another word, Sejun lifted a hand to graze Stell's cheek before he used his hand to lift Stell's chin and kiss again the man who was standing in front of him. Lips connected to lips as tongues dueled for many breathless minutes. Teeth awkwardly bumped and scratched, but neither cared. The feelings in the kiss overrode any pain or awkwardness that they could have felt, but didn’t. </p><p>Finally, the two pulled apart with bruised lips and were panting hard. “I like you,” Stell repeated. </p><p>Sejun smiled and took in the beautiful sight in front of him. Stell's hair was plastered to his head from the rain, his lips were bruised and emitting a cool steam since it was so cold out, and yet he had to be one of the most beautiful man Sejun had ever seen. And yes, Sejun included all the boys on his line of work in that statement as well. </p><p>“And I think,” Stell continued when Sejun didn’t say anything, “I'm hoping that you like me, too. I get if this is sudden or weird, so I guess I’ll just wait for you to think it over. I’ll just be going back to Ken-“ But Stell's speech was cut off when Sejun reconnected their lips. </p><p>Now, this Sejun was a man with a lot of experience. He had kissed guys, girls, and people who he couldn’t tell a gender for. But no one had kisses laced with the same feelings that the kisses with Stell did. This time when they pulled away, Stell looked Sejun straight in the eyes. “So, you do like me, too?” </p><p>Stell's puzzled and conscious with the older's intense stare, "Sejun can you hear me?"</p><p>Sejun smiled and wiped away the bangs that the rain had plastered to Stell's forehead "Yes, I heard you the first time.." kissing the newly cleared away spot, “I like you, too.” </p><p> </p><p> ------------------------ </p><p> </p><p>“Shh,” Ken quieted his group mates as they walked into their room. </p><p> </p><p>“Why?” Josh questioned before he saw the two people cuddled together on the couch. </p><p> </p><p>“Since when does Sejun get here before the rest of us?” Justin asked.</p><p>“More importantly, why are he and Stell cuddled on the couch?” Josh asked as he put his stuff down. “Body warmth?”</p><p>“Or maybe because Stell confessed last night,” Ken informed them indifferently as he walked to his own space and sat down, seeing Justin with a knowing smirk on youngest member's face. </p><p> </p><p>“Eh?” Josh gasped loudly, effectively waking up the sleeping leader. </p><p>“Is it time to practice already?” Sejun stretched. He then chuckled as Stell ignored everyone around them, kept his eyes close, and snuggled deeper into Sejun's chest. </p><p> </p><p>When Sejun saw the confused look on Josh, and the anticipation on Justin and Ken's faces, he smiled back, “Stell's cute, no?” </p><p> </p><p>“Someone explain to me this is really our stoic leader before I start to throw things.” Josh demanded. He never did see Sejun this carefree.</p><p> </p><p>“Explain what?” Sejun glanced at him curiously. When he saw the glare on Josh's face, he figured it would just be better to tell the truth. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s nothing really. We just had a long night and got here early so we’d be able to cuddle before I have to work like good boyfriends do.” </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to know about your sex life!” Josh walked over and hit Sejun's over the head. His loud voice had cancelled out Justin and Ken's gasp when they heard Sejun say the word boyfriend. </p><p> </p><p>However, Sejun was confused, “I never said anything about my sex life!” </p><p>“Then why’d you say that you two had a long night?” Josh pointed out. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun laughed, “Well, I didn’t get off until late and when I did, Stell was at JP's car I borrowed, waiting for me and then he confessed. Then after some kissing we went home, cuddled on the couch and watched a few movies. Stell loves to cuddle.” </p><p> </p><p>“We can tell,” Justin laughed as Stell's still in deep sleep, head rested peacefully on Sejun's chest. </p><p>“Though, I’m surprised that he can sleep so peacefully through Josh's annoying yelling.” Ken joked.</p><p>“Oh shut up!” Josh glared as he went over to his own area of the room. </p><p>“But it’s amazing he can survive through that.” Justin leaned close so he could clearly see Stell's face, “Didn’t it rain last night? He didn’t get rained on while confessing, did he?” </p><p>“He did,” Sejun replied as he affectionately ran his fingers through Stell's hair, “But I made him take a hot bath right as we got home so he wouldn’t get sick. Besides, look, he’s smiling.’ And Sejun was right, the young man was smiling contently in his sleep. </p><p> </p><p>And unlike what Sejun thought, Stell's smile wasn’t from some dream or anything like that. The smile came from the way the people around him were interacting, and that definitely wasn’t a dream. It was all so familiar the way Justin showing he cared, the way Sejun and Josh fought in their friendly way, and the way Ken seemed to be in his own little world. This was how life was supposed to be. </p><p> </p><p>“He must be having a good dream?” Josh smiled before going over to his mirror to do his makeup. </p><p> </p><p>A few minutes later, Sejun was forced by a menacing looking staff member to let go of Stell and get ready. Regretfully he did, but Sejun didn’t seem to notice as Stell snuggled into the pillow to replace him. </p><p> </p><p>It was when Ken, Justin and Sejun were first off at their warm up for dance that Josh walked over to the still sleeping Stell and attempted to shake the younger awake. </p><p> </p><p>When that didn’t work, Josh pushed Stell off of the couch and smirked in satisfaction when Stell sat up and rubbed his eyes. </p><p>“Ajero, we need to talk.” Josh stated as he sat down on the couch. </p><p> </p><p>When Stell looked up at him confused, Josh glared, “Now.” </p><p>Stell scurried to his feet and sat down next to him, “What about?” </p><p>“So, it seems you and Sejun are an official couple now.” Josh stated. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Stell agreed dreamily. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you know what you’re getting yourself into?” Josh questioned. </p><p> </p><p>“Of course I do.” Stell replied uneasily. </p><p>Josh looked at Stell straight in the eyes, “Honestly? Did you know that Sejun has only had one serious relationship in his whole life?” </p><p>“He didn't mentioned.” </p><p>“And you know his record is eleven?” Josh asked. </p><p>Stell frowned, “Eleven what?” </p><p>“At once. He was casually seeing eleven girls at once.” Josh informed him. “Though a more impressive record is how many girls and men he had sex with in a week. Now, I won’t give you an exact number, but I guess it’s between twelve and sixteen.” </p><p> </p><p>Stell took a deep breath, he couldn't believe this is how twistedly sad Sejun here in this world. “Why are you telling me this? Do you not want us to date?” </p><p> </p><p>“It may not always seem like it, Sejun is one of my closest friends but I silently in no way I’d ever approve of his lifestyle,” Josh clarified. “And, well, that lifestyle leads me to get skeptical when will he wants to try a serious relationship. Last time, he lasted a week before he got caught cheating. And I can’t really believe I’m saying this, but I don’t want him to chase you off. Things have gotten so much less tense around here ever since you came. And I don’t want things to go back to the way they were.” </p><p>Stell sat back in his seat and thought about what Josh just said. Unlike his Sejun, this one had been hurt badly and turned to women and sex for comfort. </p><p>“I’m not saying flat out that you shouldn’t date him. He deserves someone who’s ready to commit,” Josh interrupted the silence that had overcome the room. “But I also think you deserve someone who you know won’t cheat on you.” </p><p> </p><p>Stell looked at Josh with admiration in his eyes. This Josh seemed like a rude person, but he always had good intentions iust like the Josh he knew. </p><p>“Josh, thank you for your concern, truly thank you, but I’m not going to let the past scare me into not being with the person I like.”</p><p> </p><p>Josh smiled, “I’m glad Sejun has such good taste now in guys.” </p><p> </p><p>“Thanks.” Stell slightly blushed. </p><p> </p><p>Just then, Sejun came into the room to fetch Josh. Looking suspiciously at how close Josh and Stell were sitting. “Hey guys, what are you doing?” </p><p>“Talking.” Stell replied innocently. </p><p>“About what?” </p><p>Stell giggled, “My cute boyfriend.” </p><p> --------------------------- </p><p> </p><p>“You guys are annoying,” JP rolled his eyes as he came into SB19’s room. “For the last two weeks no matter where I go you two are always cuddling here!” </p><p>“Maybe you should try heading to Antarctica, we promise not to go there just for you,” Sejun replied sarcastically. </p><p>“Too cold,” JP shrugged, “But are you guys coming home with me now?” </p><p> </p><p>“Nah,” Sejun shook his head. </p><p>Stell smiled brightly to JP. “After Sejun finishes his meeting with the bosses, we’re gonna go on a date.” </p><p> </p><p>“You’re too adorable!” JP gushed as he messed up Stell's hair. </p><p>Sejun pouted, and slapped JP’s hand away, only for JP to hit him a few seconds later. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun glared, “Recently I think you like Stell more than me.” </p><p>JP laughed, “Don’t worry, I do!” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun unwrapped his arms from around Stell as he began to chase JP around the room.</p><p> </p><p>Content with how things were going, Stell sat back, laughing at their childish antics, especially when Miss Hong came in and scolded them for being too loud.</p><p>Soon, JP had left for the apartment while Sejun had to be ushered off to the office, leaving Stell all alone. But he didn’t really mind in the slightest. He was used to being on his own these days, and even though he didn’t prefer it, he noticed that now, he was a lot more grateful when people came back into the room. Especially when they came back for him. </p><p> </p><p>Therefore, when Sejun came back announcing that he was finished, Stell jumped up and ran over to his side for a congratulatory hug. Once they pulled apart, Stell asked, “So, Sejun, where are we going?” </p><p>Sejun took his hand and began to lead him to the elevator, “Well, I made a reservation at a restaurant that looks over the bay and then a walk on the beach.” </p><p> </p><p>Stell smiled and snuggled up to Sejun's side once they were inside the elevator. He really didn’t see what Josh had been worried about. Sure he knew from almost everyone that this Sejun was a bit of a player, especially over the past years in this world. But he seemed like still the perfect boyfriend to him. Sejun appeared to be the perfect boyfriend. He held doors open, he remembered Stell's favorite shoes, and he always cuddled up when they had spare time. So why was it more people like Josh told him to keep an eye out. </p><p> </p><p>“Stell!” Sejun kissed him on the cheek to get him out of his thoughts, “What are you thinking about?” </p><p>“You.” Stell replied truthfully. </p><p>“Really?” Sejun asked, surprised. </p><p> </p><p>“Why would I lie about that?” Stell leaned in and pecked Sejun on the lips. He could remember these days with his old Sejun, and as more and more days went by, he noticed that the two Sejun in his mind had began to merge into one person, the person he loved. </p><p> </p><p>And as the night passed by, Stell and Sejun were rarely more than a few meters away from each other. After dinner and before the beach, the two had found an arcade and began to play there. </p><p>While there, Sejun had tried his best to win something from the claw game, but when he couldn’t win something for Stell, Stell easily won a stuffed banana for Sejun.</p><p> </p><p>Though, after the arcade and after the beach was when the two Sejun that had merged into one, split into two very different men. They had gotten back and after unlocking the door, Sejun leaned in for his good night kiss. When the two of them pulled away, Sejun smirked and pulled Stell into the apartment. Stell followed with a small laugh, not sure what was awaiting them. 

Once the two of them were in Sejun's room, Sejun's lips began to work on Stell's neck as his hands skimmed Stell's stomach under his shirt. Stell couldn’t bite back the moan as he ran his hands up and down Sejun's sides. Soon, both of their shirts were discarded on the floor and they were moving towards the bed. And in Stell's mind, the two of them were moving a little fast. But then he realized this Sejun was in most of his relationships for purely sex so maybe he figured this was slow. But then, Sejun's hands reached for Stell's belt, and Stell froze. </p><p>“What is it?” Sejun questioned, breathing hard. Stell wasn’t sure what to say. Stell had only had sex with someone a few times in his past. After that, he and Sejun did it after dating for quite some time. Definitely not just two weeks. </p><p>Sejun looked at him and smiled, “Is this your first time?” </p><p>“Yes.” Stell lied, but if Stell didn’t exist in this time, then the times he and Sejun shared didn’t exist as well. And it was right here when Stell knew that his Sejun and this Sejun were two completely different people. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun smirked, “I’ll be gentle.” </p><p> </p><p>“No.” Stell pushed him away. “I mean, well, not now.” </p><p>“Why not now?” Sejun looked at Stell in pure lust. </p><p>Stell backed away slowly, “I’m not ready.” </p><p>“Really?” Sejun seemed confused. It was almost like he didn’t understand the concept of waiting. </p><p>“Yeah,” Stell looked shyly at his feet. He quickly put his shirt back on. “Well, I think I’m going to go to Ken's now. See you tomorrow.” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun just sat there confused, not understanding. </p><p>------------------- </p><p> </p><p>“I think I messed up,” Sejun confessed the next morning while JP is driving to the agency. </p><p> </p><p>“That makes sense,” JP pointed out, “It explains why Stell wasn’t here this morning even though you two just had a date last night. So what set him off? Did you already suggest a threesome to this kid?” </p><p> </p><p>“No,” Sejun sighed, “Just sex.” </p><p>JP burst out into laughter, “Wait, someone has turned the great playboy John Paulo down? I wish I had it on video!” </p><p>Once the car reached a red light, Sejun leaned over and hit JP over the head. “It’s not funny at all! I think that I really scared him off.” </p><p>JP took a deep breath to control his laughter and then comforted his friend, “I doubt you scared him off. Just tell me what happened and I’ll tell you how to fix everything.” </p><p> </p><p>“Since when do you give decent advice?” </p><p>“Since after you tell me, I’ll tell Yukito and he’ll give me advice to tell you.” JP smiled. </p><p>Sejun rolled his eyes, “Well, everything was going great so I brought him back into my room and it was a pretty intense make out session so I took his shirt off-“ </p><p>“Do I want to hear this?” JP interrupted. </p><p> </p><p>“Once again JP, nothing happened.” Sejun pointed out, “Anyways, so I took his shirt off and he seemed to tense up for a second, but then it went away and I figured it happened just because he was cold. But then, I was reaching for his belt and he pushed me away. I asked if it was his first time, he said yes-“ </p><p> </p><p>“Please tell me he stopped there,” JP interrupted once again. “Oh wait, you chased him away so I’m guessing you kept going?” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun just continued like JP had never said anything, “And after he said yes, I told him I’d be gentle.” </p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t! haha,” JP tried to contain his shock. “Please tell me you’re joking.” </p><p> </p><p>“I really said it,” Sejun pouted, “Then he said no, I asked why not, and he ran off to Ken's. You don’t think there’s something going on between the two of them, do you?” </p><p> </p><p>Without waiting for the car to come to a red light, JP reached over and hit Sejun, “You’re an idiot for even thinking that. Have you ever seen the way Stell looks at you? He’s crazy for you. Besides, whenever you’re upset you run straight to me. Ken is to Stell like I am to you! It's pure friendship.” </p><p> </p><p>“I guess,” Sejun sighed as JP pulled into the parking lot, “I really do. It’s just, why not? What’s so wrong with sex?” </p><p> </p><p>“Because to some people, sex is more than heat of the moment,” JP reminded his best friend, “To them it’s giving up a very special part of themselves, so two weeks is not enough time to give it up.” </p><p>“But I’ve known him longer than two weeks,” Sejun pouted. </p><p>“Not romantically.” </p><p>Sejun glared at JP, “Since when are you so knowledgeable about stuff?” </p><p>JP reached into his phone, “Maybe I'm so caught up with the series I'm watching so I'm this affected.” </p><p> </p><p>“That makes more sense,” Sejun got out of the car. </p><p>“Maybe you could apologize and wait for him until he’s ready,” JP said.</p><p> </p><p>Sejun complained as he and JP got in the elevator, “If I promise to wait for him that means no sex. And what if it takes months?” </p><p> </p><p>JP rolled his eyes, “It’s time to reacquaint yourself with your best friend- Mr. Right Hand.” </p><p>“But I don’t like Mr. Right Hand.” Sejun sulked while JP snickered. </p><p> </p><p>“Well I guess you’re gonna have to pick.” JP informed him. “If you want sex, you’re gonna have to give up Stell. But if you want Stell, wave bye bye to sex.” </p><p> </p><p>“But I want to do it with Stell!” Sejun protested loudly. </p><p>“So?” JP questioned again, “Sex or Stell?” Sejun stayed in silence as the elevator doors opened. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun froze when he saw Ken sitting on the stairs near the elevator as if waiting. “Ken, what are you doing?” </p><p> </p><p>“Waiting for you,” Ken rose to his feet, “You’re not mad at Stell, are you?” </p><p> </p><p>“No, why would I be?” Sejun was confused. Wasn’t he the one that did something wrong? Shouldn’t Stell be angry at him? </p><p> </p><p>“He was afraid that you’d be angry since he didn’t, well, you know,” Ken slightly blushed at what he was implying, “He also thinks he made matters worse since he ran off. And he ran off to another man’s apartment which also doesn’t seem very good.” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun smiled, Stell would be the kind of guy who thought he was at fault in a situation like this. “Is he in the room?” </p><p>“Yeah,” Ken smiled in relief. He had spent the majority of his morning thinking of all the things he could say to make their leader forgive Stell even though he thought that Sejun was the one who should earn forgiveness from Stell. But Stell had asked him to do this, so he couldn’t say no. </p><p>Sejun turned to JP and then smiled, “I think we both know which I’m choosing.” </p><p> </p><p>JP smiled a bright smile full of teeth, “You go get your man!” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun just rolled his eyes at his friend’s idiocy before he almost ran to his boyfriend. Once he got inside SB19's room, he found Stell sitting off to the side pouting while Justin tried to cheer him up. </p><p>Seiun walked over, “Uhmm Jah, can I have a minute with Stell?” </p><p> </p><p>“Of course,” Justin stood up and gallivanted over to Josh to talk. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Sejun said quickly before Stell could try to apologize. It was Sejun who needed to apologize, “I realize now that I said the wrong thing after you said no. I guess it was the heat of the moment or something. But whatever it was, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to force you into anything whether it be sex or forcing you to run off to Ken's apartment because you’re scared. I’m sor-“ Sejun stopped talking when Stell ran over to him and caught him up in a tight hug.</p><p> </p><p>Though, as he stood there, he couldn’t help but wonder if he could actually do this. No sex? He hadn’t been deprived of sex for longer than a few days in years. Could he really do this? </p><p> </p><p>---------------------- </p><p> </p><p>“And that’s why I like that part on the lyrics.” Sejun announced as he led Justin into SB19’s room.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s great and all, the only thing is, it won't complement well with the MV storyboard I made.” </p><p> </p><p>“Well-“ Sejun was about to reply but then froze when he saw two people asleep on the couch.<br/>
“What the hell?” </p><p> </p><p>“Huh?” Justin asked and followed Sejun's gaze, only to have his own land on Josh and Stell sleeping. </p><p> </p><p>Stell was spread across the majority of the couch with his head in the sleeping Josh's lap, one of Josh's hands was intertwined in the younger man’s hair. </p><p> </p><p>“They’re just sleeping.” </p><p> </p><p>“But why together?” Sejun asked. The rational part of his mind tried to shut himself up, obviously they were both just sleepy, but a part of him just wanted to grab Josh by the ear and throw him out the window. </p><p> </p><p>“Does it really even matter?” Justin questioned. </p><p>“They’re just sleeping.” Sejun sulked, “But why is my boyfriend’s head on Josh's lap?” </p><p>“They’re probably tired.” Justin pointed out. “Josh joined this steaming game didn’t you say, and that kept Stell up in an all night watching? Just let them sleep.” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun continued his pout as he sat on the couch across from them, folded his arms and glared at Josh. For a good five minutes he stayed there and glared until Josh yawned and stretched before opening his eyes. “Damn your face is ugly.” </p><p> </p><p>“Shut up!” Sejun attempted to glare even more, but to Josh, it just made his face even funnier. </p><p>“Are you angry or constipated?” </p><p> </p><p>“Angry!” Sejun practically yelled. </p><p> </p><p>Josh sent a real glare over to Sejun as he ran a soft yet firm hand through Stell's hair since the younger began to stir due to Sejun's yelling. Once he was sure Stell wasn’t going to wake up, he sent his full attention to Sejun. “Why are you angry?” </p><p> </p><p>“What the hell are you doing sleeping with my boyfriend?” Sejun demanded an answer. </p><p> </p><p>In the background, Justin was laughing. But Josh ignored that, “He was tired from watching my game, I offered my lap as a pillow since you spilled milk on the pillow we usually keep in here. And with nothing to do, I figured why not sleep. What the hell else could have gone on?” </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know!” Sejun sat back and was obviously trying to join his eyebrows to make Josh apologize for doing such a thing, but it wasn’t working. </p><p>Josh just smirked and continued running his fingers through Stell's hair just to piss Sejun off. It was kind of fun. </p><p> </p><p>“You know, now that you’re awake you could just squeeze out of there,” Sejun suggested. </p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Josh continued to smirk, “But I don’t think I will. I think this might be even more fun than picking on Ken.” </p><p> </p><p>Just then, Ken entered the room. “Hey guys! what’s up?”</p><p>Josh’s smirk grew more sadistic, “Sejun's jealous because I got Stell to sleep with me while he still hasn’t.” </p><p>“Eh?” Justin almost shouted, but Ken quickly put a hand over his mouth and pointed to the still sleeping Stell. </p><p>Josh just laughed, “See, Stell's sleeping and I wasn’t sleeping too long ago either, right in this very spot. Meanwhile, the closest Stell has slept to Sejun was on the couch of the apartment? One point to me.” </p><p>Ken just giggled, “Actually that’s not true-“ </p><p> </p><p>“What?" Josh interrupted.</p><p> </p><p> “Stell falls asleep with Sejun all the time. Like back when he was sick, or sometimes when they cuddle in front of a movie or-“ </p><p>“Are you stalking them?” Josh thought that someone had to ask because it sure sounded like it. </p><p>Ken pouted and gave Josh a small glare, “No I’m not! I’m Stell's best friend, he tells me everything!” </p><p>“Everything?” Josh raised his eyebrows. </p><p> </p><p>Ken smiled proudly, “Everything.” </p><p> </p><p>Josh laughed and turned to Sejun, “You’re so screwed.” </p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Sejun temporarily forgot that he was angry at Josh, “So pretty much every time I do something worth mentioning, the entire agency knows even though half of them don’t even know who Stell is. Heck, after the whole sex thing, Ate Rappl walked up to me, hit me over the head and told me to become a better man. And she had her rings on so it hurt!” </p><p> </p><p>“Sejun..?” Stell murmured in his sleep. </p><p>Sejun automatically sprung to his feet and kneeled next to Stell. The younger man was not known for talking in his sleep, and Sejun could remember the last time Stell spoke in his sleep was when he had that horrible nightmare. He hoped that Stell wasn’t going to have another one right now. </p><p> </p><p>“Sejun?” Stell's voice sounded more urgent this time. </p><p> </p><p>“Shh,” Sejun shooshed him, completely forgetting that Josh was right there. “Stell wake up, Stell it’s just a nightmare.” </p><p> </p><p>Slowly, Stell's bright brown eyes opened up to see Sejun so close and he couldn’t help but smile. </p><p>Then, catching Sejun off guard, Stell leaned in and pecked him quickly on the lips. “Good morning.” </p><p>“Good morning,” Sejun smiled and pecked Stell on the forehead. “But now that you’re awake, can you get off Josh's lap?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I was randomly ranting on my tweets on how difficult to do a confession and the kiss scene 😳 I realized how good writers are when I get kilig on their works. I hope I probably conveyed it too?</p><p>Also, how was this playboy Sejun???! Our leader's too hot and cool he could portray a playboy on some show right? 😍</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Faded Memories Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When Sejun is on the verge of death, Stell makes a deal with a magical being to save his life. But in exchange, the being wipes out every single memory of Stell.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for patiently waiting. I can't explain what I'm feeling right now. haha</p><p>if you find this interesting to read you might want to RT ao3miyaicheese tweet to your friends?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sejun stared out the window of the train and watched as Stell, who was waving with a smile, became just a small dot that soon left his field of vision. Today he was heading abroad with SB19 for some taping he couldn’t care less about. However, for the first time since their relationship, Sejun was going to spend time away from Stell. Sure he had gone to tapings without the younger man, but they were always close, always in the same city. But this would be the first time that hours separated the two and he couldn’t just take a taxi to get to Stell. </p><p>At first, the thought of leaving Stell scared him. He didn’t want something to happen while he was away and there be nothing he could do about it. But then, the sane part of his brain rationalized that time away should be good for the two of them. </p><p> </p><p>“You worried?” Josh asked from the seat in front of Sejun. It didn’t take a genius to see that Sejun was having second thoughts to leaving his boyfriend behind. </p><p>“Nope,” Sejun sat back in his seat, “I can spend a few days away from the guy, it’s not like we’ve even been together for that long.” </p><p>Josh laughed at Sejun's attempt to be strong. But it was Ken who had been listening to their conversation who said, “This is the first time you’re spending serious time away from Stell. It’s okay to be a little worried. If you weren’t, you’d be a horrible person.” </p><p>“More horrible than you already are?” Josh felt like he needed to add. </p><p>Sejun just reached up and smacked Josh, “Shut up. And of course I’m worried, but I just think that I’d be more worried if I’m not able to spend some time without my boyfriend.” </p><p> </p><p>“You shouldn’t talk like that,” Justin pointed out, “People wait their whole lives to be as close to someone as the two of you are. You really shouldn’t take it for granted.” </p><p>“Are you telling me you’d rather me be crying and whining that I won’t see Stell for a whole five days?” Sejun questioned. </p><p>“No,” Justin shook his head, “I’m just telling you that there’s no shame in missing him.” </p><p>Sejun just rolled his eyes and put in his headphones, this wasn’t what he needed right now. Right now, he just really wanted some peace and quiet. </p><p> </p><p>When Sejun woke up from his nap, he took out his headphones and looked around. Justin was busy talking to their manager across the aisle. Josh was asleep in front of him, and Ken was behind Sejun talking on the phone. </p><p>Sejun turned and looked at him curiously, "Yo Ken, who are you talking to?” </p><p>Ken smiled up at Sejun, “Oh, you’re awake?” </p><p>“Yeah, who’s that?” Sejun asked, a small part of him hoping that it was Stell on the other line. </p><p> </p><p>“Stell,” Ken replied before saying something into the phone. </p><p>Sejun perked up, more awake now, and he stretched his hand out ready to receive the phone, </p><p>“Can I talk to him?” </p><p> </p><p>But Ken ignored him as he said something to Stell and then locked his phone. When he looked up at Sejun, he noticed the older man’s outstretched hand, “Did you want something?” </p><p> </p><p>“I wanted the phone,” Sejun replied childishly. </p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry,” Ken said, though the smile on his face made it look a lot less sincere. “Stell had to go, he’s going shopping with Kuya Yani.” </p><p>“Eh?” Sejun said rather loudly. It was like the whole Josh’s lap incident all over again. </p><p>“Why Kuya Yani?” </p><p>“Because he’s really nice.” Ken pointed out. </p><p>“Kuya Yani's a really good person, whenever Stell and I go to Justin’s place, he always is very hospitable.” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun just sat back in his seat, since when does Stell hang out with Kuya Yani? And better yet, why did he never tell Sejun about any of it? Was there really something to hide between the two of them? </p><p> </p><p>“You look angry,” Ken stated as he leaned over Sejun from behind. “Did I say something wrong?” </p><p>“No,” Sejun sighed, “Just, why Kuya Yani?” </p><p>“Isn’t it better than JP or Yuuki?” Ken pointed out. “Or what if he started to hang out with Charles? I think that’s where you’d have a real big problem.” </p><p>Sejun looked up and glared at the younger man, “You know, you’re really not helping.” </p><p>“And you’re oddly possessive but so what?” Ken stated before sitting back down in his seat. </p><p>Sejun just sulked as he stared out the window, now he was beginning to regret leaving Stell behind. Apparently whenever he left Stell, the younger man ran off to other men, other men who Sejun didn’t trust. Maybe he should go back to Manila. </p><p>But then, a buzzing from his pocket put a halt to his brooding as he attempted to fish his phone out.<br/>
Once he finally did, he opened it to find a message from JP telling this was from Stell. </p><p> </p><p>[ I miss you! Work hard! \/(^o^) ] </p><p>Sejun smiled, and now all thoughts of going back to Manila to keep Stell away from Kuya Yani had completely vanished. Only to be replaced by thoughts of going back to Manila just to hold Stell in his arms. </p><p> </p><p> ------------ </p><p> </p><p>Sejun was going to go insane. He was sure this was just one of Josh's evil ways to test him, it had to be. Because why else would all of SB19 agree to go out to a club in Seoul? It most definitely was the work of an evil mastermind. </p><p> </p><p>“Come on Sejun!” Justin pouted as he pulled on older's arm, “It’s no fun if you’re just gonna sit there all night. It’s a boys’ night out, so have a little fun.” </p><p> </p><p>In all truth, Sejun wanted to go out there and dance, but he wasn’t sure what would be considered being unfaithful to Stell. And no matter what, Sejun didn’t want to do something that warranted Josh or Ken telling Stell. And Stell breaking up with him because of it. </p><p> </p><p>Justin sighed, “Come dance!” After doing some serious thinking, Sejun knew Justin wasn’t mean enough to beg and plead for something and then go tell Stell that Sejun did something wrong. Besides, Sejun was sure that if Justin did that, he’d be able to clearly explain it to Stell who had fallen victim to Justin's spoiled pout the most out of everybody. </p><p> </p><p>“Fine,” Sejun laughed before he stood up and followed Justin out onto the dance floor. He had to double take once he was out there though, who knew Justin dance like that! </p><p>“What are you stopping for?” Justin rolled his eyes. He was on a mission and Sejun kept being an annoyance. Why he let Josh talk him into this particular mission, he’ll never know. </p><p> </p><p>If Sejun proves Josh wrong, he’d be very happy. But if Sejun actually fell for Josh's trap, Justin would feel slightly responsible. </p><p> </p><p>“Look!” Sejun nudged Ken and Josh, making the older gasp. </p><p>“Is that really Justin?” Ken laughed. “Well, at least he’s got the moves.” </p><p>“I guess,” Sejun turned back towards the crowd and went deeper into the mass of people. He then turned around and saw that Justin had disappeared. Figuring maybe the youngest member saw something shiny and made a run for it. Sejun just ignored it and then looked around. He then spotted the perfect dance partner. She was a beauty and the way her hips moved rivaled some of the talented girls in their agency. </p><p>Meanwhile, Ken obediently returned to Josh's side as he sat at one of the tables in back of the club, “Hey Josh, are you sure about this?” </p><p>“Yes, I am sure,” Josh took a sip of his drink, “If he passes this, then I’ll stop questioning his loyalty. Stell is a good guy and I’m thankful for him, he brought us all together. It’s horrible if we repay him by letting him date someone who’s not good enough for him.” </p><p> </p><p>Ken smiled at Josh, “That's unexpected. You’re so cute! I never thought I’d see the day when you cared about someone else.” </p><p>“I’m not heartless you know,” Josh pointed out. “I just don’t see the need to care and be nice to people who don’t deserve it.” </p><p>He really has still his own special way of being thoughful, Ken pondered silently. But stopped when Josh started to glare at him. He then giggled and felt like annoying Josh more. “You’re actually really sweet, huh?” </p><p>Josh reached over and hit Ken, “You’re a real idiot.” </p><p>“No I’m not!” Ken then looked out on the dance floor, “Oh, wait! where’d Sejun go?” </p><p> </p><p>Josh immediately diverted his attention from the guy in front of him to the dance floor, searching for his friend. When he found him, Sejun was oblivious to everyone and everything around him except the music and the girl in front of him. “It’s working, I knew he’d go straight for her.” </p><p>Ken wanted to be excited like Josh, but that feeling of dread had landed in his stomach again. What if something were to go wrong? </p><p>After watching Sejun and the girl for a minute, Josh turned his attention back to Ken who looked like he wanted to throw up. “Don’t feel bad about this. Would you rather this happen later on without us to monitor it? And when Stell's even more in love with him?” </p><p>“You’re right,” Ken sighed, “I just wish you weren’t.” </p><p>“Me too,” Josh reached out and ruffled his hair. He laughed when he noticed Ken leaning into the touch, “You’re like a cat did you know that?” </p><p> </p><p>“Meowuuu!” Ken chirped happily. </p><p> </p><p>The two then noticed the girl dragging Sejun off of the dance floor. And Josh hurried out holding his hand out towards Ken, “Come on Ken!” </p><p>“Yes!” Ken's unsure but took the outstretched hand. </p><p>Both of the boys made their way out and on to the alley way they signaled Justin to follow. They listened as the girl they paid to hit on Sejun, attempted to sweet talk the idol. </p><p>“How about we head back to my place?” the girl asked with the lick of her lips. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun looked her up and down with a predatory smile. This was definitely the type of girl he went for back when he was single. She had long, toned legs that looked as if they ran on for miles barely covered by her mini skirt. Then there was a patch of stomach showing, firm and tanned, before he came across a tight shirt that was low enough to expose cleavage. Her pouty lips were coated in a soft pink color and her eyes were outlined by dark eyeliner, her entire face framed by long, curly black locks. </p><p> </p><p>“Your place?” Sejun questioned. </p><p>“Yeah, it’s not too far from here.” She replied, running a long, painted fingernail up his chest. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun took a step back, “I’m sorry, I’m actually in a relationship right now. I just wanted to dance.” </p><p> </p><p>The girl pouted, “You know, nobody has to know about this, your little girlfriend would never have to know.” </p><p> </p><p>“My boyfriend actually,” Sejun stated awkwardly, “And even if he didn’t know, it wouldn’t be right.” </p><p> </p><p>She reached up and ruffled his hair, “Shame, you cutie.” </p><p> </p><p>“Thanks,” Sejun flashed her his idol smile. </p><p> </p><p>“By the way, your friends are just around the corner.” she said before walking off. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun turned around, confused, and watched as Justin, Josh and Ken revealed themselves from around the corner. So this was a set up from the evil mind of Josh Cullen? He sighed, “What the hell?” </p><p> </p><p>Josh smiled, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” </p><p> </p><p>“What did I do wrong?” Sejun wanted an answer. “Why do you keep throwing these things at me?"</p><p> </p><p>“Because I didn’t trust you,” Josh replied. “You were a bigger player than JP. What the hell was I supposed to think?"</p><p>"I didn’t want you to hurt Stell off, he’s the best thing to happen to the group since we started." Justin stated.</p><p>"But we're done. We're now good. We trust you.” Ken speaked up.</p><p>“You make it sound like you’re all his dad or something.” Sejun tried to lighten the situation. </p><p>Josh chuckled, “So what? Someone needs to look out for the kid. And I think you’re too busy cuddling him to think straight, right Ken?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, right. You guys cuddling are so cute.” Ken giggled, startling both of them. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun and Justin rubbed their eyes to make sure they weren't hallucinating, “When did you guys get along?” </p><p> </p><p> ---------------- </p><p> </p><p>Sejun laid uneasily in his bed. He wasn’t sure why but tonight he couldn’t seem to get any sleep. He’d doze off for a few minutes before waking up and it was beginning to get annoying. With nothing else to do, Sejun got out of bed and headed down for the lobby. He then headed outside, figuring he could walk until he got tired enough to go back to his bed and fall asleep. But, he wasn’t the only member up that late. He was not too far from the front of the hotel when he heard someone else leave the hotel, talking to someone. </p><p>Sejun quietly headed for the figure and automatically recognized it as Josh. Sejun was about to call out to him, but then he noticed Josh was on the phone. After taking a few steps closer, he could hear the younger man’s voice.</p><p> “JP, just calm down.” </p><p> </p><p>“Josh?” Sejun ran over to him. “Josh, what’s going on?” </p><p>Josh turned towards Sejun in shock, “What are you doing out here?” </p><p>“Not important,” Sejun pointed out, “What’s wrong with JP?” </p><p> </p><p>“Noth-hold on,” He then turned his back to Sejun, “Huh JP, I didn’t called him out! He was outside for some reason.” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun walked up to Josh and turned him around, “What’s going on?” </p><p> </p><p>“What!?” Josh ignored Sejun and continued to talk to JP. “You know what? I’m just gonna tell him. He’s the only one who knows what to do. Yeah, I’ll call you back later, bye.” </p><p> </p><p>“What the hell?” Sejun didn’t like being ignored, especially when it sounded like his best friend was in trouble. </p><p> </p><p>Josh glared at him, “Don’t yell at me! I was only keeping it quiet like I was told to. But that’s not the point right now,” he quickly took a deep, calming breath. </p><p> </p><p>“Stell's having nightmares again.” All of Sejun's anger for his friend completely disappeared, “Are they as had as the one from before?” </p><p> </p><p>“Worse,” Josh replied quietly. “He didn’t want you to get worried and not be able to do your job so he asked JP to keep it between the two of them. But last night they got so bad that he didn’t know what to do so he called me.” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun's face paled, “I’ve got to get back to Manila.” </p><p>“Sejun, we’re headed back tomorrow.” </p><p> </p><p>“At noon,” Sejun pointed out. “If there’s a way I can get there sooner I have to get there.” </p><p> </p><p>“They’re just nightmares.” Josh stated. “It’s not like he’s hurt, they’re just nightmares.” </p><p> </p><p>“His last nightmare was of me dying.” Sejun replied, frighteningly calm, “He wouldn’t let me out of his sight for a week because he was afraid of losing me. If he’s having the nightmare again, I have to get back to him.” </p><p> </p><p>Josh was quiet for about a minute before he pulled out his phone and made a phone call. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun rolled his eyes and was about to head back into the hotel to grab his stuff, but Josh grabbed his arm. “Don’t move.” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun waited as Josh whispered into the phone. Once he hung up, he sighed, “Kuya Yuri will be here in ten minutes to drive you to the airport, go get your shit. I’ll tell everyone where you went once morning comes.” </p><p> </p><p>“Thanks!” Sejun called out as he ran for the hotel. With no cars out on the road for the majority of their drive, Kuya Yuri and Sejun had magically been able to make it in a snap. </p><p> </p><p>When he reached the airport, Sejun quickly sprinted out of the car without so much as a thank you to Kuya Yuri. But Kuya just smiled, it was cute to see Sejun so in love. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun took the stairs two by two until he finally arrived at his apartment and unlocked the door. He was only a few steps in when he heard someone crying, and he knew that there was no way that was JP's cry. So without even taking off his shoes, Sejun rushed deeper into the apartment to his room and saw Stell curled up in a little ball, secure in JP’s arms, on the bed. </p><p> </p><p>“Stell.” Stell didn’t hear Sejun's small gasp, but JP sure did. His head snapped up, “Paulo?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Sejun ran over to them and sat down next to JP. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Stell, Paulo's back,” JP said with a smile. </p><p> </p><p>Stell look up hopefully and launched himself at Sejun, giving JP the chance to leave so the couple could have some privacy. Stell held on so tight that it hurt to breathe, but Sejun didn’t care. He just couldn’t believe that Stell looked so broken. </p><p>“What’s going on?” </p><p> </p><p>“I was so scared,” Stell cried. </p><p> </p><p>“What happened?” Sejun asked softly. </p><p> </p><p>“You were,” Stell took a deep breath, “Dead and then, then-“ He couldn’t continue though, he was crying too hard. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright,” Sejun comforted him, “I’m here now. Everything’s okay. I won’t leave your side ever again. Just breathe, everything’s going to be okay, I promise.” </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to lose you Sejun,” Stell stated firmly through the sobs that shook his body. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun held Stell even closer and wrapped a blanket around the two of them, “Well that’s good, because I don’t want to lose you either.” </p><p> </p><p>“I love you,” Stell confessed.</p><p> </p><p>Sejun just sat there, completely still. Was Stell hysteric from the nightmares? Is that why he had said that? Besides, Stell was only 24, how does he so worried of death? Slightly uneasy, Sejun maneuvered himself so he sat with his back to the headboard and began to run his fingers comfortingly through Stell's hair. </p><p> </p><p>After a while Stell calmed down slipping into sleep. </p><p>---------- </p><p> </p><p>“Kuya Lester, are you even listening to me?” Justin pouted childishly. </p><p> </p><p>When Stell didn’t snap out of his thoughts, Justin glared at him before getting out of his seat and sitting on Stell. </p><p> </p><p>“Huh?” Stell came down to earth and was shocked to find Justin on his lap, “When did you get here?” </p><p>“While you were busy staring at Sejun.” Justin informed him, though with no intention of getting off of older's lap. “I thought that you got passed the dream. Remember, it was just a dream.” </p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Stell said, “I’m not stuck on the dream right now.” And that was true, ever since he had that really bad nightmare two weeks ago, he has been able to stay calm and let Sejun out of his sight for a few hours. But once again, he could only go a few hours without feeling panic overcome his entire body. </p><p> </p><p>Justin was someone who liked to pride himself on being one of the best bestfriends. So when he noticed the look on Stell's face, he stood up and pulled Stell out of the room. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, what’s wrong?” </p><p>Stell rubbed the back of his neck, “Well, uh, I said something to Sejun, but, never mind. It’s not that important.” </p><p> </p><p>“What did you say to Sejun?” Justin insisted. He knew it was important. If it was unimportant, Stell wouldn’t be freaking out now. </p><p>“It was nothing,” Stell sighed. </p><p> </p><p>“Kuya Stellvester Ajero you tell me or I’ll,” Justin took a minute to think up a threat that would work on Stell, “Tell me or I’ll treat everyone else to strawberry cakes and make you just watch as we all enjoy it.” </p><p> </p><p>“You wouldn’t.” </p><p> </p><p>Justin smirked, “Oh, I would.” </p><p> </p><p>Stell then sighed, losing his playful mood. “I may have told Sejun that I love him but.” </p><p>“But?” Justin seemed so excited. He was about to squeal when everything clicked in his mind. “Wait, what did he say?” </p><p> </p><p>“Nothing,” Stell admitted quietly. “It was after my nightmare and so I told him that I loved him. For a whole minute, he didn’t say anything. So, I gave up on awaiting an answer and fell asleep.” </p><p> </p><p>Justin looked at Stell and he could tell that the older man was stressing about this. “What has he said since?” </p><p> </p><p>“Nothing,” Stell breathed deeply. “He hasn’t said anything. He doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that I said anything.” </p><p> </p><p>Not really knowing what to do, Justin hugged Stell, “We’ll figure out what’s going on, I promise. Besides, have you seen the way he looks at you? Sejun obviously loves you, he just might not know what love is yet.” </p><p> </p><p>Stell looked confused, “How does someone not know what love is?” </p><p> </p><p>Justin shrugged, “I don’t know, but maybe you and Sejun should talk about it.” </p><p> </p><p>Stell automatically shook his head, “I can’t.” </p><p>“Why not?” </p><p>“Because I don’t think I could handle it if he says he doesn’t love me back.” Stell replied. “I can stand not knowing which way he’s leaning, but I won’t be able to take it if he says he doesn’t love me.” </p><p> </p><p>Justin held Stell close as the older of the two began to cry. He hated seeing Stell like this, but he completely understood what his friend meant. Stell was fragile, and Sejun wasn’t exactly handling him with care. </p><p> </p><p>“Kuya Lester?” Justin looked up and saw JP down the hall. </p><p>Stell looked up and rubbed his eyes, “Oh, hi JP.” </p><p> </p><p>“What did Paulo do this time?” JP demanded an answer. “Because if he did something stupid, I’ll definitely beat him up.” </p><p> </p><p>This caused Stell to chuckle slightly, and Justin couldn’t help but smile. There were times JP was helpful. </p><p> </p><p>“He didn’t do anything.” Stell smiled. </p><p>“That’s the problem,” Justin rolled his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>JP looked at Justin in curiosity, “What didn’t he do?” </p><p>“Nothing.” Stell insisted, sending Justin a small attempt at a glare. </p><p> </p><p>But Justin giggled, Stell couldn’t glare no matter how badly he wanted to. </p><p> </p><p>“Stell!” Sejun called as he poked his head out of the room. </p><p> </p><p>“Stell come here! Ken's sharing his strawberry crepe!” </p><p> </p><p>Stell quickly ran off to the room, more excited to go cuddle up to his boyfriend then to eat the sweets. </p><p> </p><p>JP turned towards Justin, “What did Sejun not do?” </p><p> </p><p>Justin turned towards JP and smiled, “That doesn’t matter. What does matter is what we’re going to do.” </p><p> -------------------- </p><p> </p><p>“Why do we have to be here?” JP questioned with a yawn. He had a movie taping all day since the early morning and really just wanted to get sleep. But no, Justin just had to drag him out to the park at eleven o’clock at night. </p><p> </p><p>“Because we want to make sure that the two of them get all better.” Justin pointed out as he held up his binoculars to look across the street. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, Stell's there. We just need to wait for Sejun now.” </p><p>“Why? He’s right there.” JP pointed him out. There was really no need for binoculars seeing how close they were to the couple. The only thing that separated them was a one way street with one lane and a couple of bushes. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re right!” Justin squealed quietly. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay then, let’s go and give them some privacy.” “Thank you!” JP said before practically running home. </p><p> </p><p>Justin just watched him disappear and then decided to take a leisurely stroll around the park so he was able to check on the surprise he had left for the couple. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun looked around, swearing he could have just heard JP. Though, it was late, he could have been imagining things. So he sat down next to Stell on the bench, “Hey, so do you know what we’re doing here?” </p><p> </p><p>“Nope,” Stell shook his head, “But I found this envelope on the bench.” Stell held up a pink envelope, “It said to wait until we were both here to open it.” </p><p> </p><p>“Then let’s open it,” Sejun took the envelope from Stell. </p><p> </p><p>He opened it and then read, “Hello cute couple, Justin here! JP’s helping too! Anyways, you wanna know a secret? There’s a surprise for you deep in the park! To find it, follow the pathway. Have fun!” </p><p> </p><p>Stell laughed, “So, shall we go find our surprise?” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun just cringed but stood up and offered Stell his hand, “Of course.” </p><p> </p><p>Stell took Sejun's hand and let himself be led down the park pathway. The two didn’t speak much, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. The silence that they shared was just as comfortable as if they were laughing in the comfort of Sejun's bed during a movie or just peacefully sleeping after a long day. </p><p> </p><p>“So,” Sejun said after they seemed to walk down most of the path, “What do you think the surprise is?” </p><p> </p><p>“With Justin setting it up? It’s probably a stuffed animal or something.” Stell laughed. </p><p> </p><p>“It could be a karaoke machine.” Sejun joked. </p><p> </p><p>Just then, Stell looked out ahead and gasped. “Or a candlelit dinner.” </p><p> </p><p>“What?” Sejun looked up and then noticed the candlelit dinner that was next to the fountain. It wasn’t much, but there was wine, candles, pasta and some of their favorites. “Wow.” </p><p> </p><p>“This is amazing.” Stell said as he walked over to the table. He then pulled out one of the seats, “For you.” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun smiled gratefully and sat in the seat offered to him. He then watched as Stell grabbed his own chair and brought it next to Sejun's before sitting down. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun leaned over and kissed him, “Good. If you sat all the way over there I would have missed you.” </p><p>“You’re so cheesy,” Stell laughed as Sejun took a bite of the pasta. </p><p> </p><p>“No, this is cheesy,” Sejun practically moaned before getting more pasta on his fork and holding it up to Stell' lips, “Eat.” </p><p> </p><p>It didn’t take long for the two to finish the food and decide that it was late enough seeing as it was a little past midnight. With a few yawns, the two began to walk back from the park to the apartment which was actually just a few blocks away. </p><p> </p><p>“Hmm Stell, can I ask you something?” Sejun asked as he took his boyfriend’s hand and began to lead him back to the apartment. </p><p> </p><p>“Of course, ask me anything,” Stell replied as he unclasped their hands so he was able to wrap Sejun's arm around his shoulders. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun gave him a tight squeeze before asking, “Well, how much do you remember after you had you nightmare? I mean, you were pretty hysterical, so I was wondering if you remember what you did and said.” </p><p> </p><p>Stell rested his head on Sejun's shoulder and with a yawn, quietly said, “I remember everything.” </p><p>“Everything?” </p><p>“Everything.” Stell nodded. </p><p>“So,” Sejun took a deep breath, “You remember when you said that you love me?” </p><p> </p><p>Stell was tempted to say that no, he didn’t remember. But nothing would get done if he hid. So, he nodded, “Of course I remember. Words like that can’t be thrown around so carelessly.” </p><p> </p><p>“But you’re only 24,” Sejun pointed out, “Are you even sure that you know what love is?” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m completely sure.” Stell stated firmly, hoping to cover up the worry in his voice. This could have been the moment that Sejun told him he didn’t feel the same way. “Feelings this strong could never be mistaken.” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun stopped walking and looked to be in deep though. Stell, who had kept walking and therefore was now out of Sejun's grasped, turned back towards him. Sejun looked up into Stell's eyes, “Stell, I-I-I” </p><p> </p><p>Stell watched as Sejun stuttered, but was quickly distracted when two headlights appeared behind Sejun. The car was speeding and swerving in their direction and Stell did the first thing that came to his mind. He crossed the small amount of space between himself and Sejun, and threw the older man out of the way into some bushes.</p><p>He couldn't let this happen again! What are the odds that a magical person would help him again? Stell wouldn't handle it if Sejun would really die.</p><p>Then, the car hit him. And before he drifted off into the darkness, he could have sworn he felt Sejun holding him, crying, and between his sobs he chanted, “Stell don’t leave me, I love you!” </p><p> </p><p>-----------------</p><p> </p><p>“Stell!” He could feel someone slapping his cheek. </p><p>“Kuya Lester!" </p><p> </p><p>"Come on Teytey get up!” </p><p> </p><p>“Justin?” Stell asked, not finding the strength to open his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Teytey!” Ken sounded relieved to hear his best friend’s voice. </p><p> </p><p>“Stell wake up!” </p><p> </p><p>Stell just yawned. The last thing he could remember was getting hit by the car. But then, why couldn’t he feel any pain? </p><p> </p><p>“We are here in the hospital,” That was Ken's voice. He sounded so relieved that Stell tried his best to open his eyes, but it was just so hard. </p><p> </p><p>Stell felt cold, and all his limbs felt really heavy, but he really couldn’t explain why. </p><p> </p><p>“What?” Stell tried to open his eyes again, but they only cracked open just enough for him to see Justin's face looming over him. </p><p> </p><p>“Oi Stell!” He felt someone roughly take him by the collar and pull him to a sitting position, “Get up! Get up now!” </p><p> </p><p>“Josh, stop!” Someone reprimanded him. Stell automatically knew it was JP. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s not helping anything. Sejun's gonna want him back in one piece.” </p><p>Josh eased his hold on Stell's collar, but he didn’t let go. This time, he spoke with a more pleading voice, </p><p> </p><p>“Stell, please, get up. Sejun needs you, just open your eyes.” </p><p>Hearing Josh say that with such hopelessness, Stell knew he had to open his eyes, but no matter how long he tried, he just couldn’t seem to get them open. </p><p> </p><p>“I can’t. It’s too hard.” </p><p> </p><p>“Come on Stell, he’s waiting for you.” Josh's voice seemed urgent. </p><p>“But it’s cold,” Stell shivered. </p><p>“Here, put this over his shoulders,” Justin said and soon, a jacket was wrapped around his shoulders. </p><p>“Where’s Sejun?” Stell asked, cuddling into the warmth of the jacket. </p><p> </p><p>“Downstairs.” Ken replied. </p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go,” Stell did his best to stand up, but his muscles just felt so heavy. </p><p>“You guys, just put him on my back,” JP demanded. </p><p> </p><p>And then Stell could feel himself being lifted onto JP’s back, providing him more warmth. Soon, they passed through a door and Stell could feel everything warming up even more. But then he was confused, if he was in the hospital why would his room be so cold compared to the rest of the hospital? And why would he be able to ride JP’s back so easily? Wasn’t he supposed to be hooked up to machines or something? Finally, thanks to the combined warmth of the hospital, Justin's jacket, and JP, Stell was able to get enough energy to open his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>And that’s when he noticed that he wasn’t in a hospital gown, but the clothes that he was wearing were not the ones he had on when he got hit. JP carried him until they reached a door and Stell froze when he saw the name. Why did the card outside the door say John Paulo Nase? When the door opened, Stell saw the excited look on his boyfriend’s bruised face. Sejun smiled for a second before he appeared to be in pain. As Stell took more of him in, he noticed the bandages and machines connected to him. But as he was trying to process everything, Sejun looked at him concerned, “Stell? What’s wrong?” </p><p> </p><p>“He got stuck on the roof in the rain overnight,” JP clarified as he brought Stell in and set him down on the chair next to Sejun's bed. “I think I’ll give you two a minute.” </p><p> </p><p>Once JP left, Stell turned his full attention to Sejun, who was still looking very concerned, “Are you alright, Stell?” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun insisted as he reached out and felt Stell's forehead, “Wow, you’re burning up like fire, no wonder you’re delusional.” Stell held Sejun's cool hand to his forehead, it felt nice. </p><p>But there was something distantly familiar about Sejun's touch. It wasn’t what he had grown accustomed to in the world where he didn’t exist, it was a familiar feeling that made his heart go flutter. </p><p> </p><p>“Sejun, I love you,” Stell confessed. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun smiled sweetly at him and without any hesitation, he replied, “I love you, too.” He then scooted over and pulled aside his covers, “Come here, you should rest.” </p><p>Stell shook his head, “My clothes are soaked, I don’t want to get you sick.” </p><p> </p><p>“But Stell,” Sejun pouted, “I’m sleepy, but you know I can’t sleep without you by my side.” </p><p> </p><p>It was at that moment that everything clicked. It had been a dream. It had all been one really long, really emotional dream. But that couldn’t be right! It was months of his life, all the feelings and nightmares, they had to be real! This couldn’t have all been a dream. </p><p> </p><p>“Stell?” Sejun looked confused since Stell was glaring at the ground as if he didn’t understand something that it had said. </p><p>“Do you have a change of clothes somewhere here?” Stell asked. He wanted to be close to his lover while he thought things over. </p><p>In both worlds, Sejun was the one constant that had kept him sane. “There’s some stuff Ken and Josh brought along over there.” Sejun pointed to a bag in the corner. </p><p> </p><p>Stell quickly grabbed the bag and headed to the bathroom. Once inside, he opened the bag and right on top was the newest magazine with SB19 on the cover. A five-member SB19 on the cover. He quickly flipped through the magazine and froze when he came across the interview that he could remember doing, though it seemed like months ago. But this magazine was definitely new, and he was in SB19. It had all been just one very bad dream. </p><p> </p><p>Shaking the thought off, Stell quickly changed from his wet clothes into dry ones Ken must have packed for him. And as fast as he could, he ran back out into the hospital room and almost launched himself into the bed just so he could be next to his lover. </p><p>“I missed you,” Stell admitted. “I missed you so much.” </p><p>“I was only unconscious for three days,” Sejun pointed out with a small laugh. </p><p>“I still missed you,” Stell cuddled up to Sejun as the older man pulled the covers over them to keep them warm. </p><p>“Come on,” Sejun adjusted himself so they were both comfortable, “Let’s go to sleep.” </p><p>“I love you John Paulo.” </p><p>“I love you, too, Stellvester. Now go to sleep, we’ve both had a long couple of days.” </p><p>“Goodnight.” </p><p>“Goodnight.” </p><p> </p><p>And for the first time in months, as he felt Sejun's arms wrap around him, he felt like he was home. ♡</p><p> </p><p>---- </p><p> </p><p>epilogue </p><p> </p><p>“Does he seem more attached than usual?” Josh couldn’t help but question as Stell and Sejun snuggled in their sleep in the back of the car. </p><p>Today was the day that Sejun was being released from the hospital after some kind of miracle saved him from dying. </p><p> </p><p>“What would you do if you almost lost the love of your life?” JP questioned. “Besides, I think it’s cute.” </p><p> </p><p>“I agree,” Justin laughed, “I mean, don’t you all wish you had a love like that?” </p><p>“I do,” Both Ken and Josh sighed. </p><p> </p><p>Then Justin added, “They’re really lucky.” </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, familiar words began to play on the radio and Justin, who had won the front seat in the large SUV, instantly turned it up, “I love this song!” </p><p> </p><p>“Obviously,” Josh scoffed, “It’s our song.”</p><p> </p><p>“Will you two shut up?” Sejun yawned from the back seat, “We were sleeping.” </p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright,” Stell yawned, “I love this song.” The song stopped Stell for a second from joining. He could almost cry a bit as it was way too nostalgic from the events that he clearly thought that happened. </p><p> </p><p>Sejun pouted slightly and turned back to Stell, he had wanted a little more sleep. But Stell turned back to Sejun and began to sing, <em>“Kahit ano'ng mangyari, ako ay tatakbo</em><br/>
Patungo sa liwanag na tanging ninanais ko<br/>
Bawat sandali, turing ko ay parang huli.”</p><p> </p><p>This caused Sejun to blush, lean in, and lightly peck Stell on the lips. “You’re too cute.” </p><p> </p><p>“You guys make me want to vomit.” Josh rolled his eyes. “Turn the music down, it’s annoying.” </p><p>“You’re just jealous,” Sejun pointed out. “You don’t have a cute boyfriend like me.” </p><p> </p><p>“And I’m okay with that,” Josh pointed out as he sat back and stretched. </p><p> </p><p>“It’ll be a cold day in hell when I admit that I’m jealous of you.” </p><p> </p><p>“You’re sweet,” Sejun kicked the back of his chair, “Really.” </p><p> </p><p>“Kuya Lester!” Justin called out to him, “Sing with me!” </p><p> </p><p>“No!” Josh and Ken complained at the same time. They gave each other a suspicious glance before turning to look at anywhere besides at each other.</p><p>Justin pouted, “Kuya Stell!” </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t do it Stell!” Josh turned around in his seat, “If you sing with him I will smother you in your sleep and then we’ll have to live in a world without Stellvester Ajero!” </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t do that!” Stell looked at him with full seriousness, “A world without me is not a pretty place for you. I mean, Sejun would going out and get drunk and sleeping with more girls. Then Ken would be a little bit of a baby because he’d be scared of Josh but would be such a little diva he’d punch you on television and not care since people picked on him when he was a junior. And Justin would stress out so much that you would even offer to walk him home and help him with his mental break downs.” </p><p> </p><p>Everyone in the car except for JP, who was driving, turned to stare at Stell in pure confusion. </p><p>Stell just buried his face in Sejun's chest and sulked while the rest broke out into laughter. </p><p> </p><p>Justin leaned over and ruffled his hair, “You’re too cute! And don’t worry, we wouldn’t let Josh kill you.” </p><p> </p><p>Once the rest of the car calmed down, Sejun nudged Stell with is nose, “Hey, are you alright? You seemed pretty serious right there.” </p><p> </p><p>“It just reminded me of a dream that I had.” Stell admitted. “It was weird. It was just like this world, only, I wasn’t born. When I got there, I knew no one, it was scary. It was like everyone forgot about me.” </p><p> </p><p>Sejun tightened his hold on Stell, “Well, you’re here now, you don’t have to worry about that, I’ll never forget about you.” </p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Stell smiled and cuddled closer, “Do you want to know the best part about my dream?” </p><p> </p><p>“What is it?” </p><p> </p><p>“I ended up with you,” Stell admitted. </p><p>Sejun smiled, “Of course you did. No matter what, you’ll always be the only one for me.” </p><p>“I’m gonna vomit!” Josh announced to the car. Of course he had been listening to the cute conversation the couple was having in back of the car. Everybody was. </p><p> </p><p>“Shut up!” Ken leaned around Justin, who was between Josh and Ken as a shield, and hit Josh. </p><p> </p><p>Josh pouted, “Justin, can I borrow your time later? Let's cook lots of lobster and give some to Ken. Someone here needs to be taught a lesson.” </p><p>“No.” Justin reprimanded, “I’m not going to let you kill Ken. Besides, he’s right. The two of them were having an intimate moment and you just ruined that. </p><p> </p><p>"Sejun just got out of the hospital so they haven’t had much time together. You shouldn’t have said that.” </p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay Ken,” Stell assured him, “He wouldn’t be a tsundere Josh if he didn’t ruin personal moments. It’s actually calming.” </p><p>“Huh?” Josh turned back towards Stell, confused. </p><p>Sejun just laughed, “He was really effected by his dream, he doesn’t know what he’s saying.” </p><p>“Shut up.” Josh glared at his best friend. </p><p>“Maybe later.” Sejun rested his head on Stell's, “For now I plan on snuggling and being all lovey-dovey with my boyfriend. We’re gonna kiss and say cheesy things to each other and admit how much we love each other and-“ </p><p>“I’m turning around now, be happy.” </p><p>“Kuya Lester,” Justin turned around in his seat, </p><p>“Since you didn’t finished the song with me earlier, will you sing with me now?” </p><p> </p><p>“Sure.” Stell called back. </p><p>Justin eagerly turned back to his ipod that he had plugged into the car and played another song that he had missed for a long time now. </p><p>This obviously made Josh sigh and roll his eyes, “Couldn’t you chose a different song?!” </p><p>But neither Justin nor Stell replied, they just began to sing. Little did everyone know, it took Stell perseverance not to sing this on the twisted time on his dream.</p><p>Somehow, by the first chorus they had gotten everyone in the car to sing with them- Ken, Sejun and even JP. </p><p>But by the middle of the song, everyone besides Ken and Justin had given up on singing. </p><p> </p><p>Though Sejun sat back with a smile and watched his boyfriend sing along with Ken and Justin. Sure there were times when Sejun was slightly jealous of the bond Ken and Stell had since the two were so close, they could have conversations without speaking. They seemed to perfectly compliment each other. Ken could talk for hours at times and Stell was the only one able to listen and be interested. </p><p> </p><p>But then, when Stell looked at Sejun, all jealousy would disappear. Stell always looked at Sejun with such love in his eyes that he could drown. There was no questioning his loyalty. Especially when he looked at Sejun like he was right now, as he sang, <em>“Calm me down with your warm embrace.. 'di na matatanggi.. ikaw na'ng aking hinahanap.. I need your love right now”</em></p><p> </p><p>Sejun smiled like a fool, “I love you, too.” </p><p> </p><p>- END &lt;3 -</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hello everyone ^_^ thank you for keeping up with this work. did you enjoyed this series?</p><p> I'd like to think that Stell went back in twisted time just to save Sejun. In a way, Stell really save Sejun from the car crash?</p><p>How was the date set up by Stelljun shippers president baby Jah ahaha?</p><p> </p><p>If Stelljun is the definite pair here, who do you think is the next pair? Joken, Joshtin, Kentin or the rare ones like JahP JoP?</p><p> </p><p>I find the contrast on different Sejuns adorable. The playboy one couldn't detect the love Stell has on him while the old one was so sure of their love for each other.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>note: This is my first attempt to post something here on ao3. Inspired by japanese drama Kamen Rider Den O, japanese movie Enoshima Prism and au fic on twittr called Remember by leileyana .</p><p>I tried to incorporate SB19's character on this story. Also I couldn't think of other suitable bestfriend for Sejun other than JP so I merged PHP group to be sort of junior (kouhai) group to SB19 under the same talent agency. I hope that's okay with everyone!</p><p>Tell me what are your thoughts on the comment :)</p></blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
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        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24626590">Without Us</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/miyaicheese/pseuds/miyaicheese">miyaicheese</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
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